Worried about children

Strapped

Someone close to me is divorced and shares care of her children with her ex. Quick background is that their relationship was always stormy, although no actual physical violence that we know of. Both have short tempers though. Ex remarried a woman already "known to the police" and since moving in with her has clocked up a conviction for assaulting her eldest daughter (who has moved out) and also had to quit his job for punching someone.

The children's mother, "X", was worried at the time but the courts looked into things and said that she had to let the children go stay there as there was no threat to them.

Yesterday there was a worrying incident when ex came to pick up the kids. She was leaning into the car, saying goodbye and giving the kids pocket money, when ex snapped and shouted "get away from my [censored] car" and drove off fast. She jumped back but was still knocked to the floor and sustained some serious cuts and bruises. She was lucky she didn't get dragged along far or hit her head. (She was actually more concerned with trying to shut the car door with the kids sitting inside!) Her ex obviously realised that she was hurt, as he rang an ambulance but didn't stop.

She contacted the police but yet to hear back after giving a statement. What can she do to ensure the kids are OK? Can she ask social services to visit? She feels powerless because of the courts saying she had to let them go with him, but it would seem he's not in a very stable state to be looking after children (and I don't say that lightly, as a step-mother myself).

Any advice gratefully received.

Prudent

If her gut instinct is concern then she should possibly withdraw the contact in the interim whild things are ironed out. While the children were not physical at risk in this incident it must have caused them a lot of anxiety.

I have been in a situation in the past in which I was concerned about my daughter's safety with my ex's partner. Dd used to come home and say small things that concerned me. My strong gut instinct that there was something much more wrong than dd understood. I talked to my ex and he vehemently denied any problem.It was a long story but eventually I found out that the partner had been sectioned for lenghty periods for mental health issues. It also transpired my ex knew and choose not to tell me.

Initially the legal advice (sloicitors, but not courts involved) had been to allow my dd to go. I am glad I followed my gut instinct. Later the woman turned on my ex and I would not wanted my dd to witness some ugly and disturbing scenes.

My thoughts are she should go with her instincts. As this stage, she does not need to tell the children she is withdrawing contact. She can simply arrange for reasons for them to be with her on those days e.g. relatives visiting, panto trips etc. Hopefully she can then get some resolution of the situation.

glenstan

One wonders how much of this incident the children witnessed, and how much of a distressed state they were in? I would have thought she could contact social services and ask for advice. The fact that she went to hospital for treatment and gave a statement to police, backs up, that the incident was serious enough for her to seek help. Children would also be able to speak about it to others, if they are old enough.

Nenen

Prudent wrote: »

While the children were not physical at risk in this incident it must have caused them a lot of anxiety.

I would have thought that driving a car off at speed with the rear door still open does put children who are passengers at risk. I'd definitely contact SS on Monday and ask for advice.

paddy's_mum

In my view, the very fact that, presumably in front of the children, he phoned for an ambulance but did nothing else to assist her is quite enough grounds for stopping access immediately. Quite apart from anything else, she should be considering getting herself out of his danger zone. Is his next lapse of temper going to put one of the children into similar jeopardy?

If he objects to access being withdrawn, let him explain to a Court that he is a normal, sensible, reasonable sort of chap, especially if one of the children is sufficiently upset by the event to state the truth. If the court agrees (possibly a big if with all the other things that are going on) at the very least, he will have had a warning shot across his bows that his behaviour is under scrutiny.

I think that a court would feel, as I do, that his conduct, in front of the children, cannot be excused by short temper, or being in a hurry, or any good reason that I can dream up. He should perhaps be thinking himself lucky that he is not facing a manslaughter charge - talk about assault with a deadly weapon!

Strapped

Thanks, I was worried that perhaps I was over-reacting.

To clarify, she shares care with her ex ie they have the children for half the week each, and he was picking the children up: they are still with him at the moment, which is what is causing her so much anxiety!

paddy's_mum

Has the ex contacted her? Have the children themselves had the chance to talk to her and reassure themselves that she is, although battered and bruised, relatively okay?

If not, I think I would take the view that he is adding utter disregard of their feelings and natural worries about their mother's safety to the criminality of his earlier actions!

daisy_doughnut_2

i would just stop the contact an face the consequences
the dad needs to realise just what he is subjecting his children to
he is an !!!!!! in my opinion

Strapped

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Has the ex contacted her? Have the children themselves had the chance to talk to her and reassure themselves that she is, although battered and bruised, relatively okay?

If not, I think I would take the view that he is adding utter disregard of their feelings and natural worries about their mother's safety to the criminality of his earlier actions!

No, she hasn't been able to talk to them. She could text them (eldest is 9) but can't be sure that they'll get the message.

daisy_doughnut_2

i have been seriously thinking about this
have the police got back to her yet?
she could lay charges an get an injunction out on the ex's new partner this alone surely would stand up in court as to why contact was stopped abruptly

when are the children due back?
if they have witnessed this woman being bad to mum then they them selves may not want to go again

she could tell the ex that he can still have his contact but with out her presence then access isnt really being denied

who claims the CB if it is your friend then she will have more legalities over the children, calling SS is a good idea also as there is obviously something not right with this other woman no one should use violence on or in front of children it angers me so much its one of very few things that makes my blood boil

i really feel for your friend

Strapped

daisy, just to be clear, it was her ex driving. His wife was not in the car.