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Children won’t go to sleep!!

mellyc
Posts: 30 Forumite

I am desperate for some advice! My 5 year old daughter and 4 year old son share a bedroom. They are impossible to get to sleep! Takes hours for them to stop talking or messing around with toys. They keep calling me to come up. I’ve tried everything! Story CD, new night light, reading books, bath before bed, making sure we have enough time to wind down before bed, putting one to bed first and then the other.
Nothing works!
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What were they like before lockdown? I'm only asking as my sleep has become erratic over the last 3 months.
if they were like this beforehand though have you thought about a star chart?
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This made me smile (sorry) because this was my brother and me back in the 50s when we shared a bedroom, and it was much worse in the summer despite blackout curtains etc. I remember my parents putting me to sleep on their bed and carrying me back to my own bed later, so that must have been their only solution even back then.0
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The only toys allowed in our kids' bedroom at that age were soft toys and books so nothing too stimulating.
I would go back to putting the younger one to bed first - maybe half an hour apart as they're close in age. Our routine was always no screens for an hour before bed, a bath and half an hour of reading/storytime before sleep time (your oldest could do that on the sofa or in your bed). Then just be strict about it!
We've always been clear that they don't have to go to sleep but they do have to lie quietly in bed. If they get up for no reason or start messing around, give logical consequences they can understand e.g. if they get up, they need to make up their sleep time the next night so will be put to bed 15 mins earlier for each time they get up... and then do it! If they have a particularly bad night, it's fair and logical that you'll be too tired to do something fun the next day. They're old enough to understand that their actions have consequences if you make the consequences real (rather than something unrelated).
Don't let them have lie-ins the next day, no matter how late they stayed up - if they're tired, they can go to bed early. If they just aren't getting it, bring your book and sit outside their door and tell them to behave as soon as they start messing around. The more you let them mess around, the less seriously they'll take you. Perhaps also have a grown-up chat with your oldest - she might respond positively to being asked to be a good role model.
That all makes me sound like a dragon but I don't think I am really! We are strict about sleep but the kids are much better for it and we're respectful about it.
Oh one more thing, on Fridays our kids can stay up as late as they like. After the first few weeks of staying up past midnight, the novelty wore off and they started taking themselves off to bed at a more reasonable hour. Giving them control over that one night definitely helped with the other nights... especially if they might lose their Friday night if they needed to catch up on missed sleep.4 -
What time do they go to bed? If it's pretty early they might just not be tired, especially as it's light outside so late now. Personally I'd put them to bed at the same time so one isn't wondering where the other is / feeling left out. It's easier for you if they are both in one place and you are concentrating on one goal (getting them to sleep). After a bath don't allow them to play with toys, put them in bed and read 1 story and then leave. If they call for you don't go back. They might up their game a few times but if they get to know you won't go back, they will give up eventually. Can you hide the toys / move them so they don't have the opportunity to play with them? Maybe also try a reward chart. If they get into bed and don't call you and you don't hear them messing about they get a star on the chart the next morning. 5 stars equals a small reward.0
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My twins are now in separate rooms because of one of the refusing to go to sleep!
He goes to bed 7.15pm. If he continues to call me upstairs and interrupt me, he will have to have his door shut and night light turned off (which he hates), or he will not be allowed any screen time the next day. It generally works. He doesn't always go to sleep, but he sits quietly and looks at books.
Regardless of what time he goes to sleep, if he is not up by 7am I wake him up!! (as his twin sister is an early riser, so will be awake by then!)Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
Bathtime does not always make someone sleepy. It can have the opposite effect. I recall the community midwife/health visitor telling me this when DS was born over 20 years ago and saying to watch what happened. If I had a child that was alert after a bath (I did) to bath him in the morning instead. I watched my own reaction after that, and noticed I was far more alert after a bath left me feeling refreshed. I'd try eliminating the things you do that you believe 'should' make them sleepy one by one see if that makes a difference.0
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We have three boys in a room and they have shared for a number of years. The 8&11 ye olds go at the same time and the 14yr old goes later. If the smaller two are not asleep often the big one winds them up when he goes up, I find a good shouting at them helps 😂 but when they were younger I often made the smallest go into our bed to sleep, sometimes I had to lie down with him too. And then move him when we went to bed. It has got easier.
When my oldest two were younger (boy and girl) they shared but generally were ok. I have definitely found strong bedtime routines are very important for younger children. Consistency is key, I also don't care about them going straight to sleep, they can draw or read as long as they are not too loud. Even now I sometimes find the smallest asleep in his brothers bed, or that he has made a den on the floor!Debt free Feb 2021 🎉0 -
I was thinking more about this. Have you tried giving them some warm milk before bed? Not so much that they then wake up needing the bathroom but a little cup might help. There is Tryptophan in cows milk and it produces melatonin which helps you sleep.0
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Just get them up earlier, and keep them awake..0
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mellyc said:I am desperate for some advice! My 5 year old daughter and 4 year old son share a bedroom. They are impossible to get to sleep! Takes hours for them to stop talking or messing around with toys. They keep calling me to come up. I’ve tried everything! Story CD, new night light, reading books, bath before bed, making sure we have enough time to wind down before bed, putting one to bed first and then the other.Nothing works!
Star charts might work - a jar of large beads might work better! You might need three different jars or containers: maybe as many as ten beads go into the 'reward' jar as you put them to bed. If they call you up, one bead is moved to the 'non-reward' jar. And so on.
You may have to put the jars where they can't be tampered with.
Our worst time was when all 3 were in one room, between houses. Youngest would NOT go to sleep before the eldest came up, and then woke up at silly o'clock when eldest had to get up to go to school. He was EXHAUSTED - and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it.Signature removed for peace of mind0
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