Confront my Mum or not?

pickledonionspaceraider

I would speak to her - as in my advice on the thread about a secret half sibling, secrets in families are bad Karma
With regards to step Dad, I would try and speak to Mum in private.

However the general consensus on the secret half sibling thread, seems to be that the OP should keep the secret to herself!?

Mrsn

Silvertabby said:

I'm treading very carefully here, and I do hope I'm wrong, but there may be a reason why your mother didn't name your father on your birth certificate, and why she has been reluctant to tell you the truth.  And that reason may be that she wasn't a willing participant in your conception. 

She wouldn't be the first girl/woman to be too frightened to accuse a family friend.  Do you know how old they were when this happened?  From what you say, he does sound as though he was a fair bit older than your mum.

It's possible that the man you call dad knows the truth, whatever it may be, but now is not the time to stir things up while he is so ill.  For all your sakes, I wouldn't say anything at this time.  

This is a very valid point....

Im not sure how old your mum was when she had you but young girls often get pressured into situations by older/and or trusted people. I’m not saying that happened but honestly there could be a very good reason why she hasn’t wanted to share your biological fathers details with you. 

With your step dad is it a terminal prognosis?

seven-day-weekend

pickledonionspaceraider said:

I would speak to her - as in my advice on the thread about a secret half sibling, secrets in families are bad Karma
With regards to step Dad, I would try and speak to Mum in private.

However the general consensus on the secret half sibling thread, seems to be that the OP should keep the secret to herself!?

I said the OP on that thread should tell his/her siblings.

Having said that, my own birth mother has not told me the name of my birth father. I have not pressured her as she is 93, and as we only met up in 2012, I think she is scared of losing me.  I might ask her to write the name down and leave it with her will, although I may actually have traced his family by other means. 

 In this case, I would speak to the mother,  especially as the OP already knows. Then the OP can decide on any future action (or none).

TonyMMM

Silvertabby said:

 I do hope I'm wrong, but there may be a reason why your mother didn't name your father on your birth certificate, 

The law ....

She had no choice ..... an unmarried father can't be named on a birth register unless he is present at the registration with the mother to so-sign the entry.

chelseablue

Thank you all, my Mum was 25 when she had me. 
The man I call Dad hasn't been told a prognosis or you've got x amount of time to live yet. He has advanced prostate cancer which wont be got rid of as its spread to his bones he's just having treatment to keep him going as long as possible

Malthusian

TonyMMM said:

Silvertabby said:

 I do hope I'm wrong, but there may be a reason why your mother didn't name your father on your birth certificate, 

The law ....

She had no choice ..... an unmarried father can't be named on a birth register unless he is present at the registration with the mother to so-sign the entry.

So for "why your mother didn't name your father..." read "why your mother didn't ask the father to accompany her to the registration". Comes to the same thing.

Mojisola

Malthusian said:

So for "why your mother didn't name your father..." read "why your mother didn't ask the father to accompany her to the registration".

She may have done.