Confront my Mum or not?

chelseablue

I've known for about 3 years now that my mum has lied to me my whole life about who my real father is. 
In the father's section of my birth certificate it says 'Unknown' 
The few times I've asked both as a child and an adult she says she doesn't know who he was (a one night stand) 
Then a few years ago me and my cousin (who's 16 years older than me) were chatting and I mentioned I wish I knew who my real Dad was and she just came straight out with "your Dad's name is xxxx" Shock is an understatement!!
He was a friend of my uncle (cousins dad). 

After some investigations by me I found out he died in 2016 so too late to meet him  
I feel so angry about this being kept from me all my life but not sure if I should tell her that I know? 

pphillips

Any reason why you wouldn't tell her you knew?

theoretica

How would you feel if your mother says that your cousin is wrong - or that he was one of several possible fathers?

chelseablue

pphillips said:

Any reason why you wouldn't tell her you knew?

The only reason is because the man I call Dad (been with my Mum since I was 3 years old) has cancer so don't want to upset him. I don't know if he knows or if he's been told the same thing as me

chelseablue

theoretica said:

How would you feel if your mother says that your cousin is wrong - or that he was one of several possible fathers?

Its been confirmed by my aunt that it is true. I have also seen a photo of my birth father when he was a similar age to me now and I look so much like him 

Marvel1

Confront away, she had no right to keep him away from you.

Fireflyaway

I'd definitely ask your mum. I know we can't always understand someone's reason for withholding such information, but I believe it's a basic right to know who your parents are. It's pretty cruel to lie about it if someone has asked. Be prepared that you might hear things you hadn't anticipated, but I think its a fair question. You shouldn't be made to live your whole life with unanswered questions as important as this. 

Silvertabby

I'm treading very carefully here, and I do hope I'm wrong, but there may be a reason why your mother didn't name your father on your birth certificate, and why she has been reluctant to tell you the truth.  And that reason may be that she wasn't a willing participant in your conception. 

She wouldn't be the first girl/woman to be too frightened to accuse a family friend.  Do you know how old they were when this happened?  From what you say, he does sound as though he was a fair bit older than your mum.

It's possible that the man you call dad knows the truth, whatever it may be, but now is not the time to stir things up while he is so ill.  For all your sakes, I wouldn't say anything at this time.  

MysteryMe

I would definitely speak to your mother but if it were me the timing would very much depend on the prognosis of Dad. 
It may be Mum was sworn to secrecy by the biological father, who knows but try not to be too angry with her, at least not until you have heard her side. What is done is done unfortunately.

sheramber

Also, consider that the man who they claim was your father never tried to make contact with you.

AntoMac

Definitely speak to rather than confront is what I would do.  Hopefully you see the man you call Dad as your “real” Dad. It’s nice that you care enough for him to not want to upset him.