It's time to begin.....

Kakiste

Forgot about paying my friend for the phone handset so that's £80 out of the £200. 
Going to grab some pizza trays and cat food from home bargains on the way home as the really tasty new Aldi ones (The rip off Chicago town ones) are really thick in the middle so unless they're on a tray they start to disintegrate and fall apart on the wire racks if you try and just slot them in. I ended up balancing them on the bottom of a bunch of baking pans but they overhand the edge slightly and you end up doing a crazy balancing act trying to get them out the oven without either dropping them or mashing them on the wire rack above in the oven.

Kakiste

Slept terribly again last night- my left shoulder has been frozen most of the day. In excellent news the new mattress is being delivered on Saturday so only three more sleeps on the terrible old one. 

Nice few days in school with mostly smooth sailing behaviour wise which is great given it's been really wet and that usually sends them over the edge. (kids are very much like horses in that regard!) 

Friend over for fakeaway night tonight -Mexican again- don't have to buy anything as our half of the meal is entirely coming from store cupboard and freezer (And I've still got a load of hot sauce and sour cream to slather on!) 

Kakiste

Older cat is off to the vets tonight to get her booster injection. All paid for already as I pay £10 a month for complete care that covers the cost of all vet appointments, injections, flea treatment/wormer. 

Younger kitten is being spayed during half term- Going to cost £70 but that's budgeted for. 

New clothing bundle turned up for the kid yesterday and she loves the clothes. Especially the two sets of fluffy Pjs.

Aspiration

Kakiste said:

It's silly how much you change once you put your mind to paying off debt. Thanks to the payrise I'm now paying between £770 and £970 a month off my debt depending on whether i need to use my rolling £200 EF each month.
 I am genuinely excited for next Monday so I can update my signature!

Kakiste said:

It's silly how much you change once you put your mind to paying off debt. Thanks to the payrise I'm now paying between £770 and £970 a month off my debt depending on whether i need to use my rolling £200 EF each month.
 I am genuinely excited for next Monday so I can update my signature!

Kakiste said:

It's silly how much you change once you put your mind to paying off debt. Thanks to the payrise I'm now paying between £770 and £970 a month off my debt depending on whether i need to use my rolling £200 EF each month.
 I am genuinely excited for next Monday so I can update my signature!

This is incredible!! Well Done Kakiste this will be hugely motivational to see the debt dropping so quickly. 

Kakiste

Bit irritated. My husband is having another round of "being an !!!!!!" He's kicking off arguments over innocuous things I say or do over the last 2 days then claiming I've caused the argument. 
The argument we had on Thursday was 'caused' by me saying that i was going to cook tea and asking if he was OK with chicken curry. (Twisted this to be a terrible insult and when asked "well how would you like it if i said "I'm cooking X. Do you want some?" i commented that i'd be grateful that i didnt have to cook and i'd say "thank you" Didnt go down well. ((Apparently I should have said "how about dinner? Anything you fancy?" He has form for insisting i use/dont use specific words and phrases as apparently that is how 'normal' relationships are, you accomodate the other person (i disagree with this, it's mad. Healthy relationships dont have you controlling the other person's speech patterns and turns of phrase)
He then dragged this into the ebay clothing bundles I bought for the kid. He said I infantalise him and dont include him in any decisions. I should have asked his opinion on what clothes to buy her. i said "but it was all with my money and came to £40 so it wasnt a signficant amount, I didnt see that i had to ask you" He then asked "Well how would you feel if you found out I'd bought her a bunch of new clothes with just my money" Then got annoyed when i replied that it would be a pleasant and entirely welcome surprise. I was being "antagoistic" for saying that apparently as it infers that he doesnt buy his daughter clothes. I asked him to tell me what the last item of shoes or clothing he bought her was. This then wasnt the point.... *eyerolls*

Then today the new mattress i had ordered arrived. Its more medium than firm as the website claimed but perfectly functioning as a mattress. I asked him 3 times last week if he wanted to look at the one I had decided on after reading reviews before I purchased it. He declined to do so. Now he's angry that ive "ordered the wrong one and !!!!!! it up then tantrumed when he didnt love it"(I certainly didnt tantrum!)
(Firstly I suspect this argument is a cover to avoid giving me any money towards it as I've paid 100% of it so far and he's claiming "it wont last 4 months" so i suspect it'll be his reasoning to himself why he doesn't have to contribute to shared house purchases... Again.

I pointed out that even if its less firm than would be ideal- the fact that it isnt completely collapsed on my side and i dont have to sleep on the very very edge to avoid rolling off it in my sleep- which incidentely leads to me waking up with neck or shoulder pain multiple times a week is surely an improvement.
(Also really important to note that the reason its so bad on my side is because its the side that is previously his- he's fairly overweight and it collapsed on his side and he flipped the mattress over so he got my side and i got the crap side.) He then said "oh i see. So if its an improvement for you then thats great then, I just dont matter" 
!!!!!!. He's just a complete nightmare to live with. The tiniest things set him off and then he spends hours whinging about how awful his life is/what a terrible wife i am, only to drop it at random 2 or 3 days later and ask if i'm done 'sulking' yet. Makes me want to scream. 

I remember years ago I was completely caught up in the fog of it all and truely believed the twisted version of arguments he presented me with and would tearfully wonder how i was being so nasty without thinking about it. The counsellor who got me to see that it was all control and mind games was an absolute wonder. 

The hope i'm holding out is that he's currently got £4000 in his account and he knows ive got £1500 in my government bonds. So i'm hoping he suggests paying back his parents next payday and i'll be another massive chunk down and just left with my dad to pay back and shortly after that can run for the proverbial hills. (Whilst still living by the sea )  

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to clear my system. 

southern_chick

Really sorry to hear you’re having a bad time again. Rant away on here and make the best and right decision for yourself and your daughter when the time is right. Stay safe xx

Kakiste

Thanks. I'm not not safe. It's all mind games and nastiness, nothing physical. I just cannot be bothered playing with his ridiculous behaviour. Currently I'm sat downstairs watching Man in the High castle with the kitten.  
Will shortly go up to bed only to be told that I'm actively avoiding him (true!) And dont want to spend any time with him. (Also currently true) but he'll then try and claim that ive been like that all day and that's why the argument started. Flipping cause and effect again. 

Hillariously we had a family quiz night over zoom this evening and he flipped off all his ridiculousness for the hour and a half we were on the call and then flipped it straight back on as soon as we signed off. He must realise how his behaviour would look to other people, that's why he mostly sorts himself out whenever anyone else is watching. 

Aspiration

Kakiste said:

Bit irritated. My husband is having another round of "being an !!!!!!" He's kicking off arguments over innocuous things I say or do over the last 2 days then claiming I've caused the argument. 
The argument we had on Thursday was 'caused' by me saying that i was going to cook tea and asking if he was OK with chicken curry. (Twisted this to be a terrible insult and when asked "well how would you like it if i said "I'm cooking X. Do you want some?" i commented that i'd be grateful that i didnt have to cook and i'd say "thank you" Didnt go down well. ((Apparently I should have said "how about dinner? Anything you fancy?" He has form for insisting i use/dont use specific words and phrases as apparently that is how 'normal' relationships are, you accomodate the other person (i disagree with this, it's mad. Healthy relationships dont have you controlling the other person's speech patterns and turns of phrase)
He then dragged this into the ebay clothing bundles I bought for the kid. He said I infantalise him and dont include him in any decisions. I should have asked his opinion on what clothes to buy her. i said "but it was all with my money and came to £40 so it wasnt a signficant amount, I didnt see that i had to ask you" He then asked "Well how would you feel if you found out I'd bought her a bunch of new clothes with just my money" Then got annoyed when i replied that it would be a pleasant and entirely welcome surprise. I was being "antagoistic" for saying that apparently as it infers that he doesnt buy his daughter clothes. I asked him to tell me what the last item of shoes or clothing he bought her was. This then wasnt the point.... *eyerolls*

Then today the new mattress i had ordered arrived. Its more medium than firm as the website claimed but perfectly functioning as a mattress. I asked him 3 times last week if he wanted to look at the one I had decided on after reading reviews before I purchased it. He declined to do so. Now he's angry that ive "ordered the wrong one and !!!!!! it up then tantrumed when he didnt love it"(I certainly didnt tantrum!)
(Firstly I suspect this argument is a cover to avoid giving me any money towards it as I've paid 100% of it so far and he's claiming "it wont last 4 months" so i suspect it'll be his reasoning to himself why he doesn't have to contribute to shared house purchases... Again.

I pointed out that even if its less firm than would be ideal- the fact that it isnt completely collapsed on my side and i dont have to sleep on the very very edge to avoid rolling off it in my sleep- which incidentely leads to me waking up with neck or shoulder pain multiple times a week is surely an improvement.
(Also really important to note that the reason its so bad on my side is because its the side that is previously his- he's fairly overweight and it collapsed on his side and he flipped the mattress over so he got my side and i got the crap side.) He then said "oh i see. So if its an improvement for you then thats great then, I just dont matter" 
!!!!!!. He's just a complete nightmare to live with. The tiniest things set him off and then he spends hours whinging about how awful his life is/what a terrible wife i am, only to drop it at random 2 or 3 days later and ask if i'm done 'sulking' yet. Makes me want to scream. 

I remember years ago I was completely caught up in the fog of it all and truely believed the twisted version of arguments he presented me with and would tearfully wonder how i was being so nasty without thinking about it. The counsellor who got me to see that it was all control and mind games was an absolute wonder. 

The hope i'm holding out is that he's currently got £4000 in his account and he knows ive got £1500 in my government bonds. So i'm hoping he suggests paying back his parents next payday and i'll be another massive chunk down and just left with my dad to pay back and shortly after that can run for the proverbial hills. (Whilst still living by the sea )  

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to clear my system. 

This sounds awful and reading your not safe is worrying. 

If he doesn’t suggest paying his parents back it’s definitely worth facilitating it to enable you to be one step closer to freedom. 

I know you’ve said before clearing the debt whilst together is your aim before moving on but I just hope it happens quickly so you can get out! His behaviour is awful and the fact he can stop for the family quiz shows he knows it’s wrong also! 

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry to read that you have had a tough couple of days. Living with that sort of behaviour is so emotionally draining. Thinking of you.

Babybelles

I hope you’re doing ok today. It all sounds very toxic tbh but at least you realise what is going on & want to get away from it all. 

I really hope you manage to start your new life sooner rather than later as I don’t know how you can cope in that environment for too long. His behaviour quite frankly sounds appalling & it’s not fair for either you or your child to put up with it.

You take care & do what you need to get away & start a happy new life for yourself.