Third Time’s The Charm

Narola1976

I have had flickers of a LBM, do well for a bit but fall by the wayside. A lot like my diet, but that’s a story for another day. This is my 3rd attempt at a diary, but not my 3rd attempt to get my finances under control. I have resisted starting another diary because I am afraid. Afraid, I will not stick to it, afraid I will hear things from others which I know, but am not ready to change, afraid I will fail like so many times before.

My debt is huge, £34,705. There are many reasons for the accumulation of debt, none of them justifiable I am sorry to say. I had a chance to be debt free, and I messed it up. While I am married, I am on a single income, where I pay all the bills, every single last one of them. I am naturally resentful, and its a long story that isn’t going to change now.  I know what people are going to say and believe me, I know you are right but I am stuck for the moment. 

I use YNAB and it is really very helpful. However, with the debt repayments at £1000 per month, there is little in the kitty to fund my true expenses. But I am trying.It makes me so mad to know I could be saving that £1000 every month or going to see my mum 2 or 3 times per year who lives abroad and whom I haven’t seen seen for 6 years. My daughter goes to uni in a year or so, and it’s going to be tough. Thank goodness she has a decent part time job. I have been open with her about the mess I am in, not the finer details, because I want her to learn from my mistakes. We talk a lot about finance and how bills work. I had no financial education, and I have been a mess since I started working. So I do not want that for her. And she listens. She has a savings pot for everything and currently has more savings than I do!

Anyway, it a plodding on kind of process at the moment.  It’s strange, I want the months to pass so I ca get my salary and make payments to the debts. Like wishing my life away. I have found a nifty little snowball app, which is going to help me. I used to use the “What’s the Cost” website but for months now I cannot access it no matter what I do but actually now I have found the app, I prefer it. So easy to check on my phone, play around with the numbers etc. It tells me I will be debt free in 4 years and 11 months.   

I have a couple of BT 0% deals ending in June and August, so things are going to get harder before they get better. And of course, there are no new deals being offered as banks are tightening their criteria.. the truth is, having done many BT’s, I am in no better position than I was before, in fact its worse. So maybe BT’s don’t work for everyone who is not disciplined, I.e me.  I remember reading a comment where the person stated that things got better when they stopped BT’ing. I have learned that I cannot be trusted not to spend on the “emergency credit card”, hence my situation being as bad as it is. 

I am fortunate to have a good job (but stressful), which pays well, though you wouldn’t know it from my bank balance. And despite CV-19 my work has not been affected in any way.  I work from home as a matter of course, so no change for me. I know I am really lucky as so many people have been badly affected by all this. 

Trying to save for an emergency fund at the moment. It’s tough going. I think I have £80 so far. I am not able to take on extra work. Where I can, I sell things on Facebook, but not much left to sell. I do surveys on Prolific and while not frequent, I have recently been able to cash out about £40 over the last 3 months or so. I also scan my receipts using Zipzero and Shoppix. Only been doing this since February, but so far, I have managed £15 on ZZ and £5 on Shoppix. The money from ZZ goes straight towards the council tax bill and then the council reduces the Direct Debit. Then I take the money I would have paid on the Council tax and put that in a savings pot. Its slow going but as they say every little helps. 

Well that’s it for a start. Apologies in advance if my diary is boring, I’m a pretty boring person, so there won’t be too many clever posts or massive updates. 

Narola

WhySeaEm

I'm sure you're not a boring person! Good luck on your journey and I really hope it sticks for you this time. 

Moneywhizz

It sounds as if you know the right things to do as far as budgeting and managing your money goes but just find it difficult to stick to your plan. Have you made your budget too tight so that there is no room for just ordinary living? If so it can be difficult to sustain it long term. I always build a miscellaneous category into my budget so that I have some money just to spend when I feel that I need to. It doesn't have to be huge amount, and it can build up each week/month if nothing turns up that you would like to spend it on. 
I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to be paying all of the bills in your household. I just hope that you are not also subsidising your husband's spending as I have read about happening on another couple of diaries recently. There is a difference between not contributing (which is obviously bad enough) and actually expecting to be provided for. I hope that this situation resolves itself at some point and that will allow you to concentrate on getting yourself into a better financial position. Have subscribed. 

doingitanyway

Good luck. You can do it. I wasn't successful first time either, but I came back and now I am DF

Doris17

Good luck. Looking forward to following your journey. 

Narola1976

Moneywhizz said:

It sounds as if you know the right things to do as far as budgeting and managing your money goes but just find it difficult to stick to your plan. Have you made your budget too tight so that there is no room for just ordinary living? If so it can be difficult to sustain it long term. I always build a miscellaneous category into my budget so that I have some money just to spend when I feel that I need to. It doesn't have to be huge amount, and it can build up each week/month if nothing turns up that you would like to spend it on. 
I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to be paying all of the bills in your household. I just hope that you are not also subsidising your husband's spending as I have read about happening on another couple of diaries recently. There is a difference between not contributing (which is obviously bad enough) and actually expecting to be provided for. I hope that this situation resolves itself at some point and that will allow you to concentrate on getting yourself into a better financial position. Have subscribed. 

Thanks for stopping by to respond. I think the budget is tight because there is no spare money and then I just got fed up and thought !!!!!! it I will just buy something to make me feel better...on credit of course. It became a vicious cycle. It’s taken me a long time to grow up and realise that those short term gains only stored up long term pain. Trying to deal with unhappiness with shopping, be that for food, home decor, my daughter is a sure fire way to more unhappiness but it took me a long time to realise that.

I think because I pay for everything (and of course huge debt repayments) there in’t anything left. My OH is the exact opposite. Having known real poverty is in his early adult years, he is brilliant with money.  He will not spend a penny even on himself. The man would stay thirsty rather than buy a bottle of water. He is not a spender and I know he has a few thousand tucked away, and over the years he has helped but only on odd occasions when things break like the washing machine or when my DD had a school trip. But otherwise no contribution to bills, mortgage, food etc. The other day I almost fell off my chair when I saw for the first time in 17 years since getting the mortgage, he made an over payment. We get into arguments because I refuse to divulge my debt level, and I feel that I shouldn’t have to do this when he gives no help whatsoever. Besides it will only come up just about every time and be used against me.. I know people advocate for openness and honesty but that only works in a true partnership and I just don’t have that. I know my faults and my contribution to the mess I am in. So I am not shifting blame in any way. 

So in the end, it’s all on me. My mess, my responsibility to fix it. Thanks for subscribing. I hope to be able to report progress soon. Just 13 days to payday. 

Narola1976

doingitanyway said:

Good luck. You can do it. I wasn't successful first time either, but I came back and now I am DF

That’s amazing, would love to hear more about it. Do you have a diary of your own? Thanks for your good wishes

Narola1976

Doris17 said:

Good luck. Looking forward to following your journey. 

Thanks Doris. Fingers crossed I do it this time. It’s a sad thing when you don’t trust yourself to show up for yourself and follow through. I do that in so many areas of my life and I really want to break the cycle.

Moneywhizz

Obviously you have your reasons for remaining stuck in this very unfair situation so managing in in the way that suits you is the best thing you can do. I understand where you are coming from regarding sharing your finances with someone. I learned from my first marriage that sometimes that just doesn't work and made it clear when I got married again that our finances would remain separate ( although with fair contributions from both sides.) Maybe you can find a little extra in your budget just for you that would allow you a little luxury for yourself now and again. 

CreditCardJunkie

Well done for posting! I too have come and gone from trying to pay down debt. 
For me I've found that giving myself £100 per month to spend has been the key to stopping using the credit cards as a crutch for the "sod it I've worked really hard this week" spends. I've also learned its absolutely a marathon not a sprint. If it takes you 4 years 11months it means you will actually be debt free, if you keep going how you are, in 2 years it will be another 4 years away! 
You can absolutely do this! Try prolific for surveys, I use my income from that to top up my personal spends. 

Narola1976

CreditCardJunkie said:

Well done for posting! I too have come and gone from trying to pay down debt. 
For me I've found that giving myself £100 per month to spend has been the key to stopping using the credit cards as a crutch for the "sod it I've worked really hard this week" spends. I've also learned its absolutely a marathon not a sprint. If it takes you 4 years 11months it means you will actually be debt free, if you keep going how you are, in 2 years it will be another 4 years away! 
You can absolutely do this! Try prolific for surveys, I use my income from that to top up my personal spends. 

Thanks, you are right, carrying on as I did before only increased my DFD. I am still kicking myself for my stupidity. But I am determined not to give up this time. 

I have in the last few months pre CV19 used to treat myself. The problem was by treating myself I made myself short. So in some ways the CV19 has helped and now I am dreading everything going back to “normal” and then being short again. So I have reflected and decided to make one changes here, more on this later. 

I do Prolific Surveys. The money I have been getting at the moment I am putting towards my DD’s 18th birthday in a couple of months. But surveys have dried up for a bit.