Financial Security

Charlie191106

I am in need of some advice. I am a mother of 2 (9,13) and have been in a relationship (unmarried) with my partner for 19 years. We had a rocky on/off first 10 years due to being young etc but settled for the last 10 years. My partner owns the house we live in (purchased 13 years ago) and a frequent cause of concern for me is my own financial security within that. It has reared it head again recently (always brushed under carpet) after a discussion about moving and my suggestion we do things jointly so I can have equity. It resulted in a heated discussion as I pushed to know what his feelings were on my contribution/right to the house we currently live in. I've always felt like I'm tip-toeing around the subject and never felt 'worthy' of suggesting I should have any equitable interest in the house as I felt uneasy suggesting it, but now I'm older and we have both put alot onto our lives together both financially and emotionally i dont feel it's fair that i have no security at all. I feel like when we discuss it he kind of turns it around by saying "well i can help you look into buying a little buy to let and that can be your security" which i am going to look into but i feel that is asides the point. His answer to my question about security is always "I'll always take care of you" and questions why I'm doubting his integrity but that answer is starting to wear thin. Am I being unfair/selfish in wanting some financial security within our current set up? Where do i stand legally? Any advice? Thank you for reading if you got this far! 

newatc

We had a rocky start to our marriage and when we came to buy our first house, I raised the idea of it being in my name for spurious reasons but really I was worried it wasn't going to work out and was trying to protect myself. Fortunately the solicitor talked me out of it. Nearly 50 years later we are still married and I'm still embarrassed that I even thought about it.
So I don't think it is you who is being unfair.  
Things happen and you do need to consider all options, one thing that springs to mind have you both made wills which I would regard as important to avoid complications. I will leave more knowledgeable form members to comment on legal aspects but it sounds you are going to have to tread carefully to maintain the partnership. 

Charlie191106

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I think that is a deep seated worry for me that  the reason for his reluctance to commit legally is that he is not wholeheartedly in it, even 19 years on! My fear is wasting my life on his words alone and having nothing to show for it down the line if we were no longer together. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place as I dont want to split my family but I am at the stage where I actually want to think ahead and protect myself  
A will is something we have discussed many times but still not done. We MUST do it and he has no problem putting me and children as recipients. 

pphillips

It is possible to get equity through an implied trust created where there is a common intention. The two main types are:
Resulting trust, this can occur when you contribute towards the purchase price 
Constructive trust, this can occur when you contribute towards the mortgage or home improvements.

Sea_Shell

In the short term, I'd make sure you're saving an amount equivalent to half the mortgage payments each month, into an account just in your name (if you're not already).   Can you afford to do this?   Are all your other finances separate or joint?

Charlie191106

Thank you, I will look into that. My trouble is that everything I have contributed to financially to hold no long term value. I pay for vehicles/children/food/holidays (when I worked full time I paid household bills too but that was 9 years ago now). I have always done most if not all decorating and maintenance through my own choice of wanting to make it a home. Financially we are pretty equal in outgoings these days but I have no solid records to reflect that as mine are made up of so many bits and pieces especially when related to children/house. I will look into the implied trust and see if we can reach an agreement. Thank you

pphillips

Charlie191106 said:

Thank you, I will look into that. My trouble is that everything I have contributed to financially to hold no long term value. I pay for vehicles/children/food/holidays (when I worked full time I paid household bills too but that was 9 years ago now). I have always done most if not all decorating and maintenance through my own choice of wanting to make it a home. Financially we are pretty equal in outgoings these days but I have no solid records to reflect that as mine are made up of so many bits and pieces especially when related to children/house. I will look into the implied trust and see if we can reach an agreement. Thank you

If you made these payments because you relied on the promise of an interest in the property then you might acquire property rights through the doctrine of proprietary estoppel, have a look at Pascoe v Turner (1979).

Silvertabby

Getting married would certainly help.  Doesn't have to be a big  expensive 'do' if that has been putting you both off - half an hour in the registry office (once they are open again) will do the trick

  

pphillips

Silvertabby said:

Getting married would certainly help.  Doesn't have to be a big  expensive 'do' if that has been putting you both off - half an hour in the registry office (once they are open again) will do the trick

  

They also do civil partnerships at the Registry Office where all that's required are signatures, you don't even have to say anything, how crazy is that!

74jax

Getting married will only help if you then divorce. He can still do what he likes with his house in his will.
Are you happy withwith thethe intestacy rules at the moment without a will? Who havehave you sorted as beneficiaries in your will.
I'm of the opinion you should sort yourself out and not wait for him. Look into your own place, sort your own Will for your children to be provided for.  You can't change what has happened so you plan for your future. Then you can both look at the last 19 years and work out a fair contribution from him to help do up YOUR property in your name, or you do it yourself. 
You could be in the same situation this time in 6 months if you just wait. 

Fireflyaway

I've been with my partner 17 years (married 10) and I've always been sure he would look after us all financially, he earns a lot more than I do and is very generous. However at the start of the year he had a mental health episode and moved out! I'm now responsible for bills and rent on a house I can barely afford. I have no savings and if the landlord asked me to leave for any reason I'd be unable to afford a deposit on a new place. I am just about getting by and have started building an emergency fund. My point is, you can only truly trust yourself. I never dreamed id be in this situation. Prepare for the unexpected ! 
I can see that your partner clearly enjoys taking on the role of provider but things change. Obviously I hope you never do experience any major relationship issues but we all know of very long relations that have broken down, partners who become ill or die etc. I'm of the opinion it doesn't matter how you do it but get some financial protection. I think the buy to let is a good idea. If it keeps your relationship calmer but provides you protection then go for it. I'd always keep my own bank account in addition to a joint one and savings as well. I still love my husband and hope we can reconcile but it's changed my perspectives. I will now ensure I can manage independently of anyone else.