Divorce abroad, UK assets

Halle71

I never, ever thought that I would be writing this post. 

I have been with my husband for 13 years and we have 2 children 7 and 10. We met in London and lived there for twelve and half years before relocating to Auckland last October. I didn't want to come - we had a very nice life in London, amazing friends, financially secure (had paid off our mortgage and had a BTL property), I worked part time in advertising. We were very lucky and I was of the 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' mindset as well as emotionally tied to London. But it was his 'turn' and his family have 'given' him and his brother the family business, a successful medical sales business and that was his career in the UK. 

In a nutshell, I hate NZ. I'm a city girl, it's hard to make friends and it's proving impossible to get a job (my 25 year career is not very transferable in current market situation, logistical problems with commuting and childcare, I'm 49 which is a tricky age to 'start again' and obviously Covid 19/recession). I am depressed, lonely and homesick. It also transpires that we do not own a share of the business which was the whole reason for coming out - it's still firmly in a family trust, used here to keep assets safe from troublesome wives. So my husband has decided that I am not playing ball and moulding into happy, kiwi hostess wife. I am putting a dampener on his mid life crisis party sessions with his group of 40 something dads who drink until the early hours most weekends, and I am critical of NZ (the education is !!!!!!, kids play on screens just as much, cost of living is scary..) and his family (who drink from 4pm most days). If you add to this that I am facing the very possibility that I won't get to see my very frail father again in the UK, and you can see how much fun I am right now! So, 6 months in, he's told me he is leaving me to have more fun. But he will not allow me to take the kids home so I am stuck in (my) hell. 

I have been told that our economic disparity will mean that I am likely to get between 70 and 100% of the family assets. I cannot touch the trust, but as there is a business in it, amongst other properties, I could claim maintenance from it. We also have a BTL in London which would give us circa £200k once the mortgage and capital gains tax is paid off. The NZ courts do not have jurisdiction over property abroad so I am going to push for him giving the whole of this sum to me as part of the settlement but I wonder if anyone knows what the legal position would be should we have to go to court? This may not seem fair, but I have given up everything to be here while he now has a guaranteed job for life with a current salary of about $180k/£90k pa plus dividends and theoretical ownership of a business worth $6m/£3m. 
This money, plus the 70% + from our assets, will be just enough for me to buy a house in the suburb where we currently live. Where !!!!!! 3 bed houses cost circa $1.4m

Sorry it's long, too much info but I am lonely and good to vent!!!! I guess the only relevant point is what would happen legally to our joint UK asset?
Thanks for reading x

pphillips

If your divorce in New Zealand won't touch the UK assets, one would assume you would need an financial order in the UK. Assuming you're using a solicitor, I don't know if there are any with offices in both jurisdictions or if you would need to use separate firms.

Socajam

Sorry to hear of your dilemma.
It's really hard to give up your comfort to move oceans from your family and friends.
What I would say is that is try to get the BTL in London as part of your settlement  - that way if you and when you return, you have somewhere to live.
This is really a bad time to go through something like this.  Is there no one you can call for advice or speak to?
Be careful how you deal with his family - remember that blood is thicker than water - keep your plans close to your chest, do not discuss with his family/friends.

 

Halle71

Thank you Socajam
Against all odds, I have a barrister here who is advising me - he was recommended by someone on my mumsnet post (the internet is really coming into it's own right now!) and is just wonderful. Also an expat although of many years, he really understands my situation, yet also recognises the type of family I have married into. He has been very fatherly and empathetic - I emailed him and even though he does not take cases directly, he got straight back to me on a public holiday and has shared info about his family. He has a daughter in law who recently moved over and has found her UK skills are useless here and who also has the stress of not being able to visit her family in the UK for the foreseeable future. I am in good (but expensive, even at reduced rates!) hands.
And yes, I am keeping this very close to my chest. My husband thinks everything is split 50:50 - money and kids - and that the trust is untouchable so is being a bit smug. If I do get awarded 70:30 here, that is the minimum I will push for on the BTL, but yes, ideally I would keep the whole thing. I bloody deserve it after what he has done to me. 

Comms69

Halle71 said:

Thank you Socajam
Against all odds, I have a barrister here who is advising me - he was recommended by someone on my mumsnet post (the internet is really coming into it's own right now!) and is just wonderful. Also an expat although of many years, he really understands my situation, yet also recognises the type of family I have married into. He has been very fatherly and empathetic - I emailed him and even though he does not take cases directly, he got straight back to me on a public holiday and has shared info about his family. He has a daughter in law who recently moved over and has found her UK skills are useless here and who also has the stress of not being able to visit her family in the UK for the foreseeable future. I am in good (but expensive, even at reduced rates!) hands.
And yes, I am keeping this very close to my chest. My husband thinks everything is split 50:50 - money and kids - and that the trust is untouchable so is being a bit smug. If I do get awarded 70:30 here, that is the minimum I will push for on the BTL, but yes, ideally I would keep the whole thing. I bloody deserve it after what he has done to me. 

Remember that divorces (atleast in England, but NZ has a similar system afaik) dont take feelings into account as such. I sympathise with your situation however - best of luck

Retireby40

You say "6 months in". Have you only been there 6 months. While his behaviour may be the driving factor you havent really given it the chance. 6 months is nothing. If you moved to another part of England from London it would be hard to make friends and have everything aligned as you would want. Never mind NZ.

One thing you dont mention in your post is what the kids want. Do they want to stay in NZ? Would an upbringing there be better than in London. And I'm not just talking about education but outside of school.  While I get your frustration about how your individual life isnt how you want it but your kids are the most important factor in this. Not just what you want. Not just what your husband wants. If they want to return to the UK your husband will have to compromise. Likewise if they want to stay you will.

Growing up down under may well give them more opportunities in the future than London.

Having lived in Australia for a year the drinking culture there is no different from the UK. Did you husband not drink with work colleagues in London? Or has he just started this in NZ?

Halle71

That's why we would never have moved to somewhere new in the UK. I'm a city girl. This is the equivalent to moving to the country, not even suburbia, even though we are in Auckland. 
The kids would be happy in either place (all things being equal). They have made friends and settled here, but they are also homesick and had a great life in the UK with our 'urban family' who were as close as family. 
The 'better quality of life' thing has proved to be a red herring as a quick look on the British Expat forum will confirm. Children do not play outside more here or play on screens less. In fact, my kids played out in the street in London more than here - being more spread out their friends are not close, it's very hilly so they don't enjoy cycling and with the worst drivers I would be worried about both scenarios. The only difference is that there is a greater selection of organised sport - something of an all consuming obsession here, but with sporty kids we did all this in London anyway.  The standard of higher education is much lower than the UK and in general, NZ is regarded as a low population, low income country with an extremely high cost of living. It is boredom and lack of job opportunities that drives many a young Kiwi to work abroad. 
He was a drinker there, but Friday nights only. He drove a lot for work, we were much busier, it seemed less of a focal point. His family are massive drinkers. Every day. They are alcoholics. 

Retireby40

It doesnt matter if your a city girl or not. This idea of London city life is the only way of living isnt correct. You can get everything you need in other cities.

Auckland may be significantly smaller than London like most cities but it is more than 3 times the size of Manchester and Liverpool. They would hardly be considered the countryside. Did you ever travel to NZ before deciding to move there. Like go as a family for holiday for a few weeks or anything?

If your husband is drinking every day and weekends how is this impacting his relationship with the kids? They are old enough to see when daddy isnt taking an interest in them or is drunk. Have they brought this up?

Again you have been there 6 months. London will always be London. I would try for your kids sake at least to give it more of a chance. It seems like your husband sold this idea to your family. Kids got on board, but you never did and have decided you never will.

Have you made any effort to integrate in the society you live in? Sports/gym/running clubs? If your kids have got involved in sport have you integrated with other mums. Organised a coffee or wine date?

Also your only a 3 hour flight away from Australia which is a wonderful country. Having lived in various parts of the UK I would trade that to live in Oz everyday of the week. Salaries are much better, the cost of living is high but no different than the uk. You get paid more but it costs more. Weather is good, you've got some nice places to hang out as a family and with friends, sports, shopping, diversity the whole lot there.

I've said it before but London will always be London. That style of life will always be there. It will be there next year and the year after. But an opportunity for you and your kids to develop in another country may only come round once.