SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

gozaimasu

Well, I still haven't made that mortgage overpayment, and I'm not sure I intend to until it comes round to re-mortgage time to get a better LTV.

I have decided, instead, to use the money to improve the house, starting with a new driveway. Which in involves tradesmen trying to charge me £18 for a concrete block that I can find online for less than £3, so I'm trying to work out if they're ripping me off or not. Got another one visiting tomorrow so will compare quotes/attitudes. I keep expecting them to ask if I want to "chat it over with my husband" and I've run through the options in my head about how I would respond to that. How stupid that we have to think like that.

I am also thinking that I should be getting a plumber/electrician in to finish the bathroom installation since it's been sitting untouched for months. Most the work is done, it's just a case of fitting the shower tray, doors, and shower itself. Surely that can't cost too much?!

slm6002

Sistergold said:

slm6002 said:

I know I am in a very lucky position and that part of the problem.  Is it worth me starting again or should I be grateful for what i have

Very lucky position indeed! How much mortgage would you need to take? Over how long? What are your reasons for wanting to move again? What is wrong with where you are now? Could you or what can you do to make yourself fall in love with the house again and not move? 

Nothing wrong really with getting a mortgage if moving will increase your “home ownership glow”. We only live once and all. Xx

To get a house that i like would cost anywhere around 40 - 100k although i am keen to find a cheaper 3 bed that has a garage attached that could be adjusted.  This is what i wrote the other day on my diary.......

Pros list to moving.... I can start fresh, it will be my house, i can put money into equity of the house when i have any spare, I get out of a road with lots of XH friends on it who i know relay things back to him.  I wont have to deal with house being built behind us and not being able to park.  Kids will have there own room so DD2 wont be kicked out of her room by DD1.

Cons list to moving....I will have a mortgage again, Uncle not keen on me moving (and i feel the need to keep him happy as he did lend me the money - even though not necessary, as he essentially gave me the money), the longer i wait the more likely interest rates will go up and i will end up paying more

Pros of staying put....Security of knowing the house is all mine.  I could use spare money to do the house up, I know my neighbours and the ones immediately adjacent are quite nice

Cons of staying put....XH will have won as he never wanted me moving as he has his friends around to keep a eye on me 
(yes i know i shouldn't care what he thinks but i don't want him knowing anything about my life now he isn't part of it), I haven't got anywhere to make a 4th bedroom so DD's will need to share and DD2 will remain on the staircase playing with her toys.  I'm not sure i will ever outgrow the need to move.

Worries - House will be on the market for years with no interest again, once i sell will i find something suitable (currently only 3 houses in a 5 mile radius of where i want with 4 beds in my price range), what happens if i loose my job again as i am the only income provider

I have all of these thoughts constantly going around my head most of the time.  I know i just need to make a decision and stick with it.

badmemory

gozaimasu said:

I keep expecting them to ask if I want to "chat it over with my husband"

Just wait until they decide they need to speak to your son.  Not for me to talk to him but them needing to.  I didn't even look at that quote, it could have been half the price & I still wouldn't have used it. b There's a reason I have red hair!

Sistergold

badmemory said:

gozaimasu said:

I keep expecting them to ask if I want to "chat it over with my husband"

Just wait until they decide they need to speak to your son.  Not for me to talk to him but them needing to.  I didn't even look at that quote, it could have been half the price & I still wouldn't have used it. b There's a reason I have red hair!

I must confess, I have contemplated asking Mr Ex to just deal with the builders when I do further works? Who knows I might be able to just get it done with less hustles! Especially if I should do the extensions I just feel the builders will just mess me about!? 👀

gozaimasu

I must confess, I have contemplated asking Mr Ex to just deal with the builders...]

Yup, if I had a man I'd be getting him to deal with it, even though it's my money. At my previous property, my former partner dealt with the bathroom fitters even though it was 100% my money and 100% my property.

I don't have the heavy machinery required to fit a new driveway otherwise I'd be doing it myself. I could certainly replace the gravel as it is, but I want a new surface so...

Sistergold

@gozaimasu, my problem is with Mr X- my ex-husband that is, the divorce was almost “bloody” and things are now just good enough that we can now just about have conversations which don’t end in a “fight”. Few weeks ago he did offer to tidy the garden for me? 👀 not sure whether it was a serous offer or not? I suppose I could swallow my pride and let him deal with the builders? The thing is he will in-fact be able to do a good job of it as he is an engineer, mmmm something to think about! Since I left the marital home I have never allowed him into the doors of where I rented, he has never entered my house since I bought it. Have really tried to keep him at arms length. I don’t feel so hurt now when I see him, he is just like someone I once knew. Time surely does heal almost everything! Xx

badmemory

That "almost" though is a very important word.  Arms length is a good place to keep them.

gozaimasu

Excellent plan @sistergold keep him away!

I love a bit of gardening though and would offer to do it for you if I didn't have so many of my own weeds to deal with

Sistergold

@badmemory & @gozaimasu, yes “almost” is very important and yes “arms length” has really worked well so far. Minimal interaction has really helped in making the relationship tolerable. I will eventually get all the experience I need to deal with builders I should expect. I am sure I will meet a good builder one day who respects and wants to help single moms as maybe he was raised by one? Single woman have to work extra hard in this world and do deserve respect, and help to navigate all these stumbling blocks faced in house ownership. 

JennyJukes

Nice tax refund there @Sistergold.  My energy bill was eventually sorted and I'm actually in credit and they recommend I put my DD down by £9.

I looked at my washing machine and I can probably unplug and plug in the new one BUT I'm not strong enough to move the washing machines to do this lol.  Ex bf and I are still friends and offered to do it for me so he's coming over next weekend.  We broke up early last year due to wanting different things and in 2 months he moves to England for a 3 year job.  Not sure how I feel about that yet.  He wants to still see me but I won't get my hopes up.  I'm not entering a relationship with him unless he proves he wants the same things as me and saying it isn't proof to me.

I had just been thinking that I really can do so much on my own I thought I couldn't - I thought I had to buy a house with a man!! It never entered my mind I could do it all on my own.  The DIY I can do but... I realise that sometimes you do need another person.  You can't do everything on your own all the time - sure we can pay other people to help us but it's just not the same as having someone want to help out, is it?  It's finding the balance of being independent but allowing other people in from time to time.

I'm just trudging along, saving isn't a major priority for me right now, just making sure the house is stable is.  I'm thinking I MOT/service my car in October and see how much life it has left and then look at buying a new car.  I have an OK budget but I feel like what's the point buying something expensive just because I can?  All I need is a car that gets me from A to B and doesn't break down often.  Just a few more weeks of work and I'm off for a bit to visit family and friends so that'll be nice, hopefully the good weather lasts