SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

Sistergold

gozaimasu said:

Well I don't technically belong in your group because I don't have children. Nor do I ever want any (or to pay for the existence of a potential partner's) so I will probably be single for the rest of my life. However, I find the concept of the thread an unusual one and wonder if a man would ever start a similar thread. Men are more likely to own their property and then "purchase" a woman to live in it rent-free or at low cost. I'm not convinced that many women would do that. I certainly wouldn't!

I took an 85% LTV mortgage at the age of 30, and I'm now on my 2nd one at a different property, 35 year term. I borrowed the max multiple of my salary each time, bought at the top of my budget and it costs approx 30% of income each month.

I overpaid the first mortgage because I wanted to reduce the interest I was paying and also build up a better LTV, which in the end, didn't happen. Still 15% deposit! This time round I haven't overpaid, but I am going to make a measly £1000 overpayment this month. I don't plan to massively overly pay it off before I die/retire, because there is no one to inherit, so if I overpay now, I'll only be releasing equity when I retire so that I can "live the high life" and then the mortgage company can sell the house when I die to re-coup the mortgage. I only hope to get down to a lower LTV to access better rates when re-mortgage comes around.

I hated renting as I had a succession of landlords invading my privacy, which is a big issue for me. I rented for 12 years before managing to buy my own place and I hated it.

Re: tradesmen; I am loathe to hire them. I ripped out and tiled my own bathroom saving loads on labour although it's taken me 2 years to do what 2 guys could do in a week. I'll finish it one day. Next job is to plumb in the shower once I find the pipes I need. There are other jobs that need doing (lead flashing/roofing, carpets replacing, driveway doing) that I keep putting off because I know I have to deal with "traditional attitudes" of tradesmen/companies. I contacted a few for samples etc and already they've addressed me as "Mr". I'm the one with the money, not the man they think I have.

Hello @gozaimasu and thank you for introducing yourself. Please feel free to participate as we are a group of singles who are working hard to manage mortgage plus life plus work plus children if any. Many here don’t have children. We also have those who have even contributed as maybe the have a BF/partner but they are doing the mortgage on their own. So welcome. 

You are right @gozaimasu it feels like at times there is always the expectation that a woman can not buy a house by themselves. 

That’s very encouraging to hear of stories where woman ate also managing to do the house renovations by themselves! Sometimes when trades people come in you pay for a job which is not even done well! House ownership just needs one to learn to do as much as one can whether one is a man or a woman! 

Xx

Sistergold

badmemory said:

I really do not like dealing with tradesmen.  I've had them assume that because I'm a woman I have no idea how to turn the water off at the stop(no point in typing it).  I live with my son & one guy actually tried insisting that he come & countersign the order.  I think they are actually getting worse.  They used to tend to be a bit paternal, annoying but I can live with that if they aren't trying to rip me off.  Now, especially now I'm in my 70s, they seem to see flashing £ signs.

@badmemory, you are so right, dealing with tradesmen is such a challenge as a woman! I also have things I would not mind done but I am just postponing because I dread trying to find people to do it.
xx

badmemory

At least women can get mortgages on their own these days.  Can you imagine how my aunt must have felt having to ask my father to be guarantor for her mortgage.  She earned more than him & had no dependants unlike him.  My father actually came along with me to get my second mortgage because he assumed he was going to have to countersign yet another one I was 44.  Missed by a couple of months.  Then there was the exH who in 1991 was still responsible for my tax liabilities.  You have no idea how glad I am that times have changed still not enough though.  I spent most of my 20s & 30s & early 40s quite angry because I was always subservient to some man.  I was quite a stroppy cow as I am sure you can imagine.  Why do men feel that they have the right to tell us what to do & manage our lives?  Sorry folks - rant over!  To be fair my father never blinked about signing but he shouldn't have had to.

HelloB

@Sistergold Just caught up with your progress. Congratulations on continuing the OP and finding a breakthrough on transport for your son's football practice! What a super mum, especially with X being useless with child maintenance. 

Something which peaked my interest is your positive comment about having a live in nanny and be able to fulfil your career path. Bravo! I have friends who agonised over this and in hindsight all wished they did it, but were afraid of nasty comments. In contrast their partners have made partner (no pun intended... OK maybe a bit!), while my friends stopped work altogether or worked part time/refused promotions. This created such income disparity which meant they felt imprisoned to unhappy relationships.

And hurrah to the sun finally coming out and staying for a bit. BBQ is such fun. 

@badmemory Agree with you on tradesmen. The number of times I've been mansplained things! It's infuriating. Reading your last post about women needing a guarantor to obtain a mortgage sounds crazy now. Although having someone else responsible for our tax liabilities isn't bad? On balance having more equality is a good thing, we can only change society's behaviour by educating the next generation. 

As for me, I have nothing to update on the mortgage front. Haven't made any OP since Feb. Decided to take the plunge and pay for the jungle to be turned back into a usable garden and redecorate the house. 

badmemory

My big interest is to see that we don't get creep back.  We already have it to a certain extent as if your partner earns too much, even if you earn nothing, then you lose child benefit.  Enforcing more dependency rather than more independence.  As for the tax problem, well we had already been divorced almost a year when he got the bill & he was not amused & it was only due because he was a higher rate tax payer so had to pay that higher rate on MY earnings.  You would have thought Maggie would have sorted that but she didn't.  So much for female solidarity!!!!!!!!

I do sometimes wonder when we will be able to stop fighting.  Yes we have the vote but actual emancipation (sp?) not yet convinced   On the good side a woman can live more MSE than a man - in general terms that is.

HelloB

I agree that being dependent on men is not the way forward. In an ideal world the income is shared between the couple, so losing child benefit is offset by the higher income from the earning partner. There is still a gender pay gap, which big companies are being forced to address.  However I've seen so many female friends who curtailed their careers, as it was expected of them to take the lion's share of childcare. This "choice" to stop career progression is made by individuals based on cultural expectation, not driven by the companies. Unlike an older female neighbour told me that she had to hide her pregnancy from work many years ago, as the moment she was showing she was fired from her job!  Nowadays this is illegal.

gozaimasu

When I bought my 2nd property, I spent a lot of time in the local screwfix. One of the young blokes, maybe 10 years younger than me, made a comment which has stuck with me 2 years later. I went in to get some plumbing parts for changing some taps etc and he said "how'd you learn to do all this then?" which he would never have said to a bloke. These attitudes are still being passed down the generations. Why can't a woman change a tap? It's a fairly straightforward job (albeit very unpleasant/uncomfortable lying upside down under a kitchen sink) which involves the use of your hands and a few basic tools.

I also remember sharing this story on a DIY forum (male dominated of course) and one of the blokes said that maybe he was just trying to make conversation. Why? To "chat me up"? By insulting me? It is beyond exasperating for me.

Sistergold

@badmemory my life would have been unbearable if I could not get a mortgage like in the earlier days! 

@HelloB, thank you! Yes going down the route of stay at home mom is one of the worst decisions some woman have made like you said. I know some would argue that it’s good but I have seen that for most it doesn’t end well! I just feel it needs a very sensitive, loving other half for this to ever work and then again how long will it work? If it did work for me I would still get bored with being at home! The whole arrangement will probably do my head in! Even if financially I have to be in the negative I find that acceptable for the benefit of keeping my foot in my career! Still for those ladies who love staying at home well good for them the problem is when the partner moves on then everything crashes in and sometimes it’s so late in the game! 

@gozaimasu, your dad sounds like a wonderful man and if only we could have many more like him! Yes the world needs to move forward and treat both sexes respectively knowing that not only men are capable of all things. 

Queen_of_the_Hive

Sistergold said:

@badmemory my life would have been unbearable if I could not get a mortgage like in the earlier days! 

@HelloB, thank you! Yes going down the route of stay at home mom is one of the worst decisions some woman have made like you said. I know some would argue that it’s good but I have seen that for most it doesn’t end well! I just feel it needs a very sensitive, loving other half for this to ever work and then again how long will it work? If it did work for me I would still get bored with being at home! The whole arrangement will probably do my head in! Even if financially I have to be in the negative I find that acceptable for the benefit of keeping my foot in my career! Still for those ladies who love staying at home well good for them the problem is when the partner moves on then everything crashes in and sometimes it’s so late in the game! 

@gozaimasu, your dad sounds like a wonderful man and if only we could have many more like him! Yes the world needs to move forward and treat both sexes respectively knowing that not only men are capable of all things. 

Hi @Sistergold and @HelloB - there is no perfect solution to the work / stay at home parenting dilemma. I've tied myself in knots (and still do at times!) trying to work out the best solution and being a co-parent just adds to the complexity of it. The best thing I did was to be honest and work out what was important to me and then trying to make it work. I'm working part time in a role in my field and there are so many advantages I can't complain. Saying that if a full time role came up in my team - I'd be interested if it came with part WFH. 

Does any of you watch Call the Midwife? Its my guilty pleasure but I have found watching some of the episodes absolutely shocking how women were treated by a male dominant society in that period of time. Luckily time has moved on but still a few mountains to climb. 

badmemory

"Luckily time has moved on but still a few mountains to climb. "   

This is what is so worrying.  That was over 60 years ago.  Maybe the odd hill but to still have mountains.  This is going to be an interesting year as one of my friends grandaughters is having a baby later this year.  She earns more & has a better job than her other half.  I'm looking forward to dinner in a couple of weeks & will see what she thinks of my solution which was a live in mother's help for 5 years.  I have a very nasty feeling that someone (as in friend) may tell me to shut up.  Like that is going to happen!