A whole new world

Mojisola

INFP said:

I’ve had a difficult split after being married for 17 years and whilst I am not officially divorced (separated for three years now)

I have no assets (apart from my pension and some savings)

Over a year ago, my boyfriend bought a flat. He’s now asked me to move in with him and it has taken me months to agree but now I  feel ready and am feeling excited about it.

However, I can’t help having financial reservations.

Get on with the divorce. Until you have the divorce and the financial settlement, there is the possibility of your ex making claims on you in the future.

One method that works well for some people in this situation is for the non-owner to put whatever amount is agreed into a savings account every account. 

If the relationship goes bad within, say, the first year, the non-owner has a fund to get new accommodation and start afresh.

If everything goes well, the money in the savings account becomes joint and can be used to pay down the mortgage (with some ownership taken on), pay for upgrades/maintenance, holidays, rainy day fund or whatever.

From the start, bills for utilities, council tax and so on should be shared.

Retireby40

Mojisola said:

INFP said:

I’ve had a difficult split after being married for 17 years and whilst I am not officially divorced (separated for three years now)

I have no assets (apart from my pension and some savings)

Over a year ago, my boyfriend bought a flat. He’s now asked me to move in with him and it has taken me months to agree but now I  feel ready and am feeling excited about it.

However, I can’t help having financial reservations.

Get on with the divorce. Until you have the divorce and the financial settlement, there is the possibility of your ex making claims on you in the future.

One method that works well for some people in this situation is for the non-owner to put whatever amount is agreed into a savings account every account. 

If the relationship goes bad within, say, the first year, the non-owner has a fund to get new accommodation and start afresh.

If everything goes well, the money in the savings account becomes joint and can be used to pay down the mortgage (with some ownership taken on), pay for upgrades/maintenance, holidays, rainy day fund or whatever.

From the start, bills for utilities, council tax and so on should be shared.

But she has to pay for her rent. By keeping it in a savings account if it does wrong after 1 year she takes the money and leaves and has basically lived somewhere for a year for free. She can save for that rainy day with the rest of her money. 

Either way she has to pay something for accommodation rented or with her partner. Just pay him the money and be done. Why make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Mojisola

Retireby40 said:

But she has to pay for her rent. By keeping it in a savings account if it does wrong after 1 year she takes the money and leaves and has basically lived somewhere for a year for free. She can save for that rainy day with the rest of her money. 

Either way she has to pay something for accommodation rented or with her partner. Just pay him the money and be done. Why make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Because by paying towards the mortgage, she can build up a beneficial interest in the property.  It's in the home owner's interest to protect their asset.

Retireby40

Mojisola said:

Retireby40 said:

But she has to pay for her rent. By keeping it in a savings account if it does wrong after 1 year she takes the money and leaves and has basically lived somewhere for a year for free. She can save for that rainy day with the rest of her money. 

Either way she has to pay something for accommodation rented or with her partner. Just pay him the money and be done. Why make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Because by paying towards the mortgage, she can build up a beneficial interest in the property.  It's in the home owner's interest to protect their asset.

She isnt paying for a mortgage. She is paying for somewhere to live. When she is renting she isnt asking the landlord for a % of the house. This is no different.

She wants to live with OP. She will pay the rent that would be seen sufficient for this arrangement. She is likely to pay less as half a rent in one house is cheaper than a full rent on her own. So by actually sharing with someone she would be saving money. 

Mojisola

Retireby40 said:

She isnt paying for a mortgage. She is paying for somewhere to live. When she is renting she isnt asking the landlord for a % of the house. This is no different.

She wants to live with OP. She will pay the rent that would be seen sufficient for this arrangement. She is likely to pay less as half a rent in one house is cheaper than a full rent on her own. So by actually sharing with someone she would be saving money. 

That's the way you're looking at it.

The reality is that, as a live-in partner, she isn't a tenant and will have none of the rights that tenants have - she could be made to leave at a minute's notice.  The current lodger has more rights than she will have.

She could also be getting beneficial rights to the house by paying for living there.

Marvel1

INFP said:

should I also contribute to the additional loan + credit card? Do I pay towards pulling down the asbestos covered shed etc? 

No chance!

Retireby40

Mojisola said:

Retireby40 said:

She isnt paying for a mortgage. She is paying for somewhere to live. When she is renting she isnt asking the landlord for a % of the house. This is no different.

She wants to live with OP. She will pay the rent that would be seen sufficient for this arrangement. She is likely to pay less as half a rent in one house is cheaper than a full rent on her own. So by actually sharing with someone she would be saving money. 

That's the way you're looking at it.

The reality is that, as a live-in partner, she isn't a tenant and will have none of the rights that tenants have - she could be made to leave at a minute's notice.  The current lodger has more rights than she will have.

She could also be getting beneficial rights to the house by paying for living there.

So she should live there and tell her partner I'm not paying any rent because if we break up I wont get the money back? 

What a world we live in.

She is in love with a person and what's to move in with them. It is never gonna be a typical tenant/landlord situation.

It's simple. Move in. Pay what you deem fair for having accommodation (regardless of who has mortgage or tenant rights) if it doesnt work out move out. Have your own savings. People really do complicate their lives to try to claim a few quid here or there down the line.

If she does as you say. Put her rent contribution in her separate savings account and she ends the relationship and leaves after a year where is the protection for the man. He has let her live rent free for a year.