Help with POPLA appeal

Coupon-mad

Yep, as I said, although our replies did overlap:

Remove #2 because PP comply with the POFA, as already said.

Sequester

Coupon-mad said:

Remove #2 because PP comply with the POFA, as already said.

Two typos here in the final point:

and the shere number of terms and small print on the entrance sign. Also the fact that there is seperate pay machines for both cash and card and that they don’t always work on the first attempt. 

Make it clear that they DIDN'T work at the first attempt that day, and how long it took to actually pay, due to this.  Say whether the driver had to download an app and how long that took, or did they pay in coins and was there a queue a the machine to pay incase (course there was...remember...describe it!) and embed a copy of the PDT Machine slip if you have it.  Really go to town describing why it took x minutes to pay, and xx minutes to leave (ten?).

Change this bit as there is no gap between the main tariff sign and the machines!

Are drivers meant to read those terms then sprint along, dodging past other visitors to get to the machine, 

Sorted. Thanks

Coupon-mad said:

Remove the horrendous intro with split infinitives, before we self-combust with horror at seeing that yet again.

Could you give me an example of this please?

Coupon-mad

Google can show you what a split infinitive is, but so can this forum!

Please remove the HORRIBLE intro before we tear our hair out...yet again...at this dreadful English:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/77032424#Comment_77032424
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76562961#Comment_76562961
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76999207#Comment_76999207
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76507049#Comment_76507049
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76497168#Comment_76497168
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76479069#Comment_76479069
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76388339#Comment_76388339
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76293152#Comment_76293152

Umkomaas

Google can show you what a split infinitive is, but so can this forum!

Once our octogenarian Diplomat (Ret'd) has finished his second bottle of Blue Nun for the evening, he'll be along to defend argue against the Queen's English. He of meticulous written artistry. I bet none of his much vaunted PMQ/Ministerial drafts ever contained split infinitives! 🥴

D_P_Dance

Perhaps not, but lots of Latin tags and sporting metaphors.  

Sequester

Coupon-mad said:

Google can show you what a split infinitive is, but so can this forum!

Please remove the HORRIBLE intro before we tear our hair out...yet again...at this dreadful English:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/77032424#Comment_77032424
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76562961#Comment_76562961
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76999207#Comment_76999207
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76507049#Comment_76507049
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76497168#Comment_76497168
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76479069#Comment_76479069
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76388339#Comment_76388339
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/76293152#Comment_76293152

Seems like a lot of the templates contain split infinitives, or a lot of people are using the same template.

I've corrected it now, thanks.

Attached is the revised draft with all the corrections suggested in this thread made. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to look over the draft and give feedback.

Is it okay to send?

Scrapit

Sequester said:

Seems like a lot of the templates contain split infinitives, or a lot of people are using the same template.

very much so , and more importantly- does it matter? at all? if it has an outcome on the appeal it is crucial, if not then its just nugatory.

Sequester

Is this okay to send then?

D_P_Dance

https://www.theguardian.com/science/shortcuts/2017/sep/25/to-boldly-go-split-infinitive-grammatical-error-research

Coupon-mad

Sequester said:

Is this okay to send then?

I'd say remove the first image of the sign because it is too clear!  Use the rest, only.

And in the final point about grace periods, I may have missed it but found nothing you'd added to tell the Assessor what actually happened in the case in point?  Did I miss something telling them that the machine wasn't working or whatever?  It needs detail added making it clear what the driver did during these minutes and what the problem was.