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Socajam

Run baby run
It's only going to get worse.  Ask yourself this question: do I want to be in say 10 years from now with a mountain of debt and wondered where the hell my life went.
Stop paying or buying anything for him. He is still a child and until he decides to grow up, you will always have financial problems with him. 
You can love someone for all the tea in China, but when money is a problems, that loves means nothing.
Continue on the path you have planned, take this job, save like there is no tomorrow because you have plans for the future - who knows  your future might be in that new job.
Good luck.

[Deleted User]

3 years and you're still not on the same page.  You paid his rent and other expenses and he still ended up in debt and back living with his mum?  Time to cut your losses.  You might love him but he's not going to be getting his act together any time soon and you'll just end up resenting him and possibly him you.  Set yourself free and enjoy your new career.

Pollycat

When you first got together and he lived on his own but you were funding all his expenses (even rent. Really?) what was his financial situation?

Was he working? On benefits?

Did he just waste his wages? "I really don't know where my money goes".

I'm assuming you have discussed finances with him...

 

Having lived with someone who was clueless about the value of money and was not willing to learn as long as he had a fiver in his pocket for a few beers, I would be running for the hills.

The unsupportiveness about your new job would just be the cherry on the icing on the cake for me.

TripleH

Relationships are about a bit of 'give and take' and 'compromise' BUT from both sides. It seems you do all the giving and him the taking. 
I'll not be as finite as most, I would suggest you propose a 'periodic' split so you have time to settle in your new job because I suspect that will eat a lot into your life at the start.
Tell him what you expect from him if he wants your relationship to continue after the break and that you want evidence that he has changed. If he doesn't demonstrate any signs of amending his lifestyle, the split should become permanent.
Keep interaction to a minimum and focus on 'you'. You are young enough that you will still have plenty of time to find someone else, but don't waste your time with someone not prepared to make a change. This split will give him the focus to realise if he actually wants 'you' or a new 'mother' to run around after him.

mobileron

He sounds like a great catch,any other ladies on here want him.

Fireflyaway

I have to admit I have always been bad at saving. I've always worked but constantly lived pay cheque to pay cheque. All the major things in life have been bought for me by my parents or husband and although I'm grateful it's now got to the stage where it's made me feel no sense of achievement. So at the age of 40 I am finally changing things.  It could be your boyfriend is like me. Disorganized with no sense of responsibility!  Or would he change if you had a serious discussion and explained the necessity of working together? 
This aside I'd think carefully about committing further if he doesn't support your job choice. You will need emotional support if you are going into law enforcement. Coming from a police family I've seen how important that is. Talking about your day and having someone to cheer you up is what you need, not someone who refuses to talk to you about it or worse, belittles or criticizes your work. 

wilfred30

l_ram001 said:

silverwhistle said:

I don't normally comment on relationship issues, but having seen your thread title thought I'd stop by, and as no-one else has commented thought I'd say something.

As to the thread title my immediate thought was "that can't continue", not if you want 'relationship' and 'future' in the same sentence.

In the body of your post you raise more questions for any neutral observer: "doesn't fully support this role", doesn't save and "earns more money than me". There are some very obvious questions that anybody would ask reading those statements: "Why?".

On a more practical level, have you seen his budget: where _is_ the income disappearing to? More questions than answers I'm afraid, but you need to be asking a few too.

Thank you for the response, it upsets me very much to understand it but I fully get where you are coming from. In my heart I didn’t and still don’t want to lose him but my career comes first and I have to put myself first. My worth is more important to me. 

In which case you probably shouldn't be marrying anyone not just him.

pogofish

It sounds to me that only one person in this relationship thinks there might be any future in it - and it isn't him.
Get out now..!

oystercatcher

I think you might find that if you withdraw your financial support he may just vanish anyway ...... if he's earning more than you do you know where his money is going? There could well be serious issues there, gambling or heavy drinking? Maybe just buying crap. If you have any remote idea of having a family in the future just imagine what that could be like if you need him to support you for a while ??  
Have a look at the debt free boards and read a few of the other people's stories who have been in relationships with 'spending addicts' it's scary reading sometimes and this could be happening to you. Unless your other half shows serious signs of wanting to change and starts making an effort I would be advising as mentioned...run for the hills.  Hopefully your new career will distract you and you can meet someone supportive and worthwhile . You need a lot more than 'love' to hold a relationship together.

Doodles

In my opinion, part of a healthy relationship is having a partner that is supportive of us, and vice versa.  Your partner is not supportive of your new "dream" job.  The way he has handled his life so far is one of living in the moment, not saving or planning, debt etc etc so you two are on completely different pages.  So my blunt answer would be that it cannot work out, as eventually love will be replaced with resentment and you won't find he is there for you in the way that you obviously need.

If I was in your shoes, I'd stop having the 'lets get a place together' conversation for now. 

But if you were my daughter/son I would be advising you to call it a day, pursue your dream job and think about getting a place of your own  :-) 

Sometimes love blinds us to seeing the cold reality.