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Separation from girlfriend

8 replies 1.1K views
leeo123leeo123 Forumite
1 posts
MoneySaving Newbie
My gf and I have been together for 10 years. We have a 7 and 5 year old together. We bought our house last year.

We spend most of our time arguing. She is very secretive with her own finances, but I share everything. I earn a lot more than her. I’ve had enough of this and feel we should separate. She won’t face this and just walks away when I try and speak to her.

my question is what will end up with the house etc? I’m not too bothered with this, but feel I should get something, as I’ve been earning the majority of the money all these years. I have no problem paying child maintenance. We own the house 50/50. I understand a may not be able to force a sale of the house, but if I were to move out then I couldn’t afford to pay for the house and my life essentials.

any advice,

Replies

  • pphillipspphillips Forumite
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    You need to discuss the practicalites with your gf and try to come to an agreement concerning the house.
  • clarejonesclarejones Forumite
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    10 Posts
    Good luck. I would talk to a lawyer but try to keep things as amicable as possible between the two of you so that things don't escalate.
  • tacpot12tacpot12 Forumite
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    I assume that you bought the house with a joint mortgage and own it jointly, and that you did not sign a deed of trust to agree that the split would be anything other than 50/50. If this is correct, then you are entitled to half the equity in the house if it is sold. You can force the sale of the property, but this will incur courts costs and probably legal costs to do so. 

    Agreeing an amicable arrangement is much the best way. You can pay for mediation services if you want, and your partner may be able to trust the mediator enough to begin to talk about this. She sounds upset at the prospect of you leaving, so perhaps you need some relationship counselling before you decide to separate?

    As you are not married, she is more at liberty to not share details of her finances with you. You may need to accept that until you are married, what is yours is yours, what is hers is hers, and what is jointly owned is jointly owned!

    Having been divorced myself, one thing that did help was to prepare a budget for each of us  - I had been doing a budget for us as a married couple anyway, so I knew all the costs for the house, and most of my wife's outgoings. I prepared a budget and looked at the Child Maintenance Service (CSA as it was then) calculator to see what child maintenance I would have to pay, and included this figure in our budgets. Inevitably, both of us had a shortfall; not enough money coming in to cover all the bills + our usual spending. We were able to agreed to split the shortfall, so that both of would have to tighten our belts to a similar degree. Unfortunately it is the case that two people can live more cheaply together than apart. 

    I needed to move to a shared house as that was all I could afford in rent, but I was soon able to buy my own (small) property, and paid off the mortgage in 17 years rather than 25 by making over-payments,  and then saved hard and was able to retire at 53, so the divorce although extremely painful at the time, it did not destroy my financial future.  

      
    The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.
  • MovingForwardsMovingForwards Forumite
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    OP hasn't logged back in since April.
  • AranyaniAranyani Forumite
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    leeo123 said:
    I have no problem paying child maintenance. 
    That's big of you
  • Important update! We have recently reviewed and updated our Forum Rules and FAQs. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with the latest version.
  • MovingForwardsMovingForwards Forumite
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    *** OP HAS NOT LOGGED IN SINCE APRIL ***

  • AranyaniAranyani Forumite
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    *** OP HAS NOT LOGGED IN SINCE APRIL ***

    I heard you the first time.
  • anotheruseranotheruser Forumite
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    Aranyani said:
    leeo123 said:
    I have no problem paying child maintenance. 
    That's big of you
    How is that helpful?
    Or kind? 
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