Life After Lockdown

V8D

South_coast said:

Hope you're OK V8D x

I'm good now, thank you for asking south coast. Hope my posts above explain why I went AWOL for a bit. 🙂

V8D

Moneywhizz said:

Just stumbled on your diary and have read through today. Sounds like you are highly motivated and hard working and manage your life and work really well. You are now getting to grips with your debt and mortgage and with your income will surely be able to realise many of your goals. The thing that I cant quite understand is how you can accept the situation you find yourself in with your husband making absolutely no contribution to your household. I am assuming this means he has no income of his own and is dependent on you to supply everything for him. I may have misunderstood the situation  but does this mean you also supply a car for him and spending money for his hobbies? if this is the case he is actually using you as a provider and instead of being a support to you, is making things twice as difficult for you to realise your goals. If he can't be bothered to work then really he doesn't deserve to have any money to spend on anything. I think it is time for you to have a serious talk with him and explain that you would like your marriage to be a partnership and that it is time for him to contribute equally to the household by getting himself some employment and at the very least covering all of his own expenses including, food, cars, hobbies etc but also making a contribution to the normal bills of a household. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you deserve much more than this and you are the only one who can change the situation you find yourself in. I wish you well and hope that things do change in this area. 

Thank you, money whizz. 🙂

Yes, you have read correctly re money. Our only income is what I earn.

I kind of had this discussion with him about a week ago but am not concerned about financially contributing rather just contributing as he has been in lockdown. I am very happy if he does food shopping, cooks 6x per week, does the vacuuming, laundry and half the surfaces per week which he has agreed to so we will see. 

V8D

South_coast said:

Fantastic work on the credit cards, and that mortgage OP will make a huge difference 😀

longway2go said:

Hi, 
Lovely to see you back and making progress. 

Tropically said:

On the holiday note, I like to find women only retreats. I pick an interest, yoga, painting, tacos, surfing, planting trees etc. and find a ladies-only holiday to go on. You won't know the other people but usually leave as friends, I have never had a wholly bad experience (though the occasional lonely day). 

Bargainhunter30 said:

Try not to take comments to heart, noone knows you or your circumstances. Most people on this board are very kind and will only be looking out for you and offering an opinion incase you hadn't thought of it. 

Well done on the progress x

South coast: Thank you. 😀 I am very happy to see the balances coming down and looking forward to making the OPs. We think paying a regular amount will be good for us to keep it up whilst allocating other money to the project. 

Longway2go: Thank you. It's nice to be back. 😀

Tropically: going to look into that, thank you. Yoga sounds good but I'm very much a beginner, so does painting and surfing (no idea how that'd go but would probably be half the fun 😂)!  I quite like spending time alone sometimes so the odd quiet day would suit me perfectly. 🙂

Bargainhunter30: thank you. I think I feel better just reading through comments again and realise that now. 🙂

SuperSecretSquirrel

Hi V8D

A bit more information makes all the difference

If you're earning all the money and your OH is taking care of all the housework and looking after the children, that seems very equitable. If you're earning all the money and taking care of the housework and looking after the children, while OH goes down the pub and plays playstation all day, that is totally unfair.

In answer to your question, yes my opinion would absolutely be exactly the same if the genders were reversed.

I honestly think that since you don't have children to look after he has it easy - most childless couples have two workers and a clean house, but if you're both truly happy it's none of our business! 

I doubt anyone here intended any malice with their words. If I see some warning signs I'll always end up saying something just in case it helps. If it misses the mark it does less harm than saying nothing could risk.

All the best!

V8D

Hi SuperSecretSquirrel, 

Love your username! 🙂

I totally understand where you're coming from, it can get quite frustrating at times if I'm honest. He knows he has it easy, to be honest! 

I'm glad I've stepped back for a bit and thought about it. Really grateful for all the advice on here, it's allowed me to talk to my husband about having a personal monthly spending budget each month and think about thinks more generally too. He has an account from when he was a student which isn't used so I suggested if he uses that for his spends then we can keep track really well. I don't have a separate personal account so may open one for my personal spends which we are starting from payday at the end of this month to trial it. 

Thank you! 😀

Moneywhizz

Glad you decided to come back and carry on with your diary so that you can continue to get your finances under control and start making progress towards your goals for the future. I in no way meant to criticise your way of life and apologise if it seemed like that. I joined your diary after there had been a few comments about your situation and thought that I sensed a bit of frustration on your behalf. You have explained though that as long as your husband contributes in other ways to your household that you are happy to continue with the current arrangement. That is entirely your decision and not for members of this forum to criticise. We are all different and the way one person finds acceptable  might cause another person real difficulties. I hope that you can continue to find the advice from the forum helpful and offered only with your best interests in mind.