Gambling has broke me but it wont beat me

Retireby40

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. 

I don’t believe that.  I am not a gambler anymore, the OP can and will become an ex-gambler too. 

Maybe I should have used another term. An addict. I firmly believe if you were an addict your an addict until the day you die. And GA and any book you read will tell you the same. It doesnt matter if you haven't had a bet in 20 years. You have that in your system and you can always be susceptible again.

If you were addicted to it you have the ability to go back to old ways and habits. That's why theres so many relapses.

For the rest of your life you will have to be on alert. Complacency is what gets you back into it. 

You cant do a fiver bet as that will trigger more. You cant be going to casinos or places which may trigger the urge to bet.

It's like an alcoholic saying I'm not an alcoholic because I haven't had a drink in 2 years. You are an alcoholic for the very reason you cannot drink ever. Just like yourself with gambling.

Brello777

Just wanted to drop. In again and say thanks to you guys commentating and the words of encouragement. I get paid this Friday. My credit card has be torn up, all. Direct debits contacted and changed to come out my account on the 20th of every month( payday) standing order of £500 a month to the wofe and she now has possesio Ln of my card. I've sat down over the last few days and realised with what's going out I can pay and extra £267 a month onto the credit card until that's cleared. That's also with another £150 to be transfered to her savings account as an emergency fund. Things are looking up and I genuinely feel a small sense of control. The sickly feeling after giving up gambling at the start of the week has now passed and I genuinely feel. Focused onto bashing out some of this debt. 

Thanks again you guys 

fizzy123

Good luck everyone who's struggling with gambling, it messed me up really bad too, and i'm not even working due to personal reasons, I'm on UC and the urge to gamble, I've had good wins past few years, stopped gambling for over 1 year, went on holiday etc but this year I didn't want to gamble and then I started again and keep losing, today finally I self excluded myself from all sites I used. I only used to play Lotto, I have overdraft that i'm still paying off, credit card that will be cleared next month over £240, on a very tight budget due to my stupid actions which I regret. Online gambling i absolutely hate it, finally self excluded, but we don't learn until we lose our money which is a really bad habit, be safe everyone. I've been in debt for 10 years paying of the same debt which could of been cleared 5 years ago but didn't because I didn't see a point, now i'm at a stage where i'm sick of it and have to sacrifice almost all my living allowance towards debt, sucks but this year november I will be debt free. hang in there lads eventually you will be debt free and I can't fricking wait. 

Retireby40

Brello777 said:

Just wanted to drop. In again and say thanks to you guys commentating and the words of encouragement. I get paid this Friday. My credit card has be torn up, all. Direct debits contacted and changed to come out my account on the 20th of every month( payday) standing order of £500 a month to the wofe and she now has possesio Ln of my card. I've sat down over the last few days and realised with what's going out I can pay and extra £267 a month onto the credit card until that's cleared. That's also with another £150 to be transfered to her savings account as an emergency fund. Things are looking up and I genuinely feel a small sense of control. The sickly feeling after giving up gambling at the start of the week has now passed and I genuinely feel. Focused onto bashing out some of this debt. 

Thanks again you guys 

Brilliant mate!!! It sounds like you have a decent job and salary to be able to clear your debts off in a reasonable time. While debts must come high up in your priority always remember to set aside whether that be from the money you sent the wife or just money you dont spend to get a treat together. Could be something as little as a chinese takeaway and a couple of bottles of wine to appreciate that even in a bad situation it isnt all debts and work.

Keep chipping away one day at a time. 

onwards&upwards

Brello777 said:

Just wanted to drop. In again and say thanks to you guys commentating and the words of encouragement. I get paid this Friday. My credit card has be torn up, all. Direct debits contacted and changed to come out my account on the 20th of every month( payday) standing order of £500 a month to the wofe and she now has possesio Ln of my card. I've sat down over the last few days and realised with what's going out I can pay and extra £267 a month onto the credit card until that's cleared. That's also with another £150 to be transfered to her savings account as an emergency fund. Things are looking up and I genuinely feel a small sense of control. The sickly feeling after giving up gambling at the start of the week has now passed and I genuinely feel. Focused onto bashing out some of this debt. 

Thanks again you guys 

Fantastic, well done on making such positive steps! 

onwards&upwards

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. 

I don’t believe that.  I am not a gambler anymore, the OP can and will become an ex-gambler too. 

Maybe I should have used another term. An addict. I firmly believe if you were an addict your an addict until the day you die. 

Ok, I disagree, and as it’s me i’m talking about and I know me a lot better than you know me, I get last word! 😉

The OP can totally beat it too, support from here is so useful. 

Retireby40

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. 

I don’t believe that.  I am not a gambler anymore, the OP can and will become an ex-gambler too. 

Maybe I should have used another term. An addict. I firmly believe if you were an addict your an addict until the day you die. 

Ok, I disagree, and as it’s me i’m talking about and I know me a lot better than you know me, I get last word! 😉

The OP can totally beat it too, support from here is so useful. 

It's not about getting the last word. It's about being true to yourself and not being in denial. There is a reason why GA and any addiction specialist tells you once you develop the addiction your always vunerable to it. That is a fact. You are no different. So at the moment you may not be an active addict but you are a recovering one. 

onwards&upwards

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. 

I don’t believe that.  I am not a gambler anymore, the OP can and will become an ex-gambler too. 

Maybe I should have used another term. An addict. I firmly believe if you were an addict your an addict until the day you die. 

Ok, I disagree, and as it’s me i’m talking about and I know me a lot better than you know me, I get last word! 😉

The OP can totally beat it too, support from here is so useful. 

It's not about getting the last word. It's about being true to yourself and not being in denial. There is a reason why GA and any addiction specialist tells you once you develop the addiction your always vunerable to it. That is a fact. You are no different. So at the moment you may not be an active addict but you are a recovering one. 

It’s also about respecting other people on very personal matters and not insisting on pathologising them when it is not helpful. 

Retireby40

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. 

I don’t believe that.  I am not a gambler anymore, the OP can and will become an ex-gambler too. 

Maybe I should have used another term. An addict. I firmly believe if you were an addict your an addict until the day you die. 

Ok, I disagree, and as it’s me i’m talking about and I know me a lot better than you know me, I get last word! 😉

The OP can totally beat it too, support from here is so useful. 

It's not about getting the last word. It's about being true to yourself and not being in denial. There is a reason why GA and any addiction specialist tells you once you develop the addiction your always vunerable to it. That is a fact. You are no different. So at the moment you may not be an active addict but you are a recovering one. 

It’s also about respecting other people on very personal matters and not insisting on pathologising them when it is not helpful. 

Where am I disrespecting anyone? I am stating something that is well known. I am stating something about a topic that is extremely close to me having lost a few family members through addiction who at one point in their lives had given up their vice for years only to think they weren't addicts and fell back into the trap. 

If you dont like what I'm saying that's fair enough. You dont have to. But you have to be very wary of becoming complacent.

Brello777

I can agree with both parts. I relapsed from gambling and so randomly with no triggers so there was underlying mental issues into why that happened, however I've also given up smoking 5 years ago and even to the this day know I would never smoke again or have the urge to. I think circumstances can be different for everyone. Don't worry aswell no disrespect here, I know I've made mistakes and I'll always hold my hands up to them. At the end of the day I was the one responsible for pushing the accept bet button, or spinning the slots one more time. I will say though it's incredibly comforting seeing replies on the thread and pushes more to go forward. Thanks agajn