Gambling has broke me but it wont beat me

Brello777

Morning all

Bit of a back story ive had issues with gambling for years. I was always 'in control' so to speak and never bothered me. Usually saturday football accas maybe £25 a week, win a few hundred then lose it over the coming weeks. 2 years ago my gambling did spiral a bit, i was betting nearly everyday (not huge stakes) but it was adding up. Ended up taking out a loan which went south fast. Got myself in a mess then started a Gamstop exlusion. I set this for 6 months but didnt reactivate until about 6 weeks ago. I randomly had the urge to gamble again and thought i could control it. Wow i was wrong. Over the last 3 weeks ive went from being up around £2000, to probably being down now in the region of £4000. Me and my wife have a total debt of around £30000. Albeit this weeks gambling fiasco was on my credit card (luckily). So, as of this mroning ive patiently waited for gamastop advisors to go live and exclude for 5 years. I WILL NOT gamble again. I've lost sleep, lost appetite, lost energy to do anything ive enjoyed this last few weeks and i cant go back into the dark place. So now steps to start clearing the debt. I dont struggle to make payments and have a decent wage luckily( around £2200 after tax) i poay for our mortage which is £480 a month and our main bank loan which is £420 a month. Current credit card is £1800 and i have another loan with RBS of £6000. Any afvice on which one is the best top start tackling first. I want to get the same satisfaction to paying off debt like a winning bet would be. 

And heres to all of you who have struggled with gambling! We will break this horrible addiction!!

Willing2Learn

Hi 

Just passing through and I wanted to wish you well on your debt-busting journey.

Also, while I am here, I wanted to ask you if you had considered talking therapy (counselling)? There is medical evidence supporting the fact that CBT can be successful in treating problem gambling (and depression too).

Going back to your question.  We usually suggest focussing repayments toward the debt with the highest APR.  But to be honest, we really need to see your SOA if you want realistic advice, guidance and support in tackling your debts. 
https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

enthusiasticsaver

What interest rates are you paying on the loans and credit card?

Brello777

Main loan that has 20k on it is at 4%, 2nd loan is at 5.5% and credit card annual 15% APR. In all honesy I can probably tackle the credit card over the next few months so I'm not as bothered about that as the other 2. I don't struggle to make the payments or have Never missed a payment for anything in my life. Credit score is also surprisingly refreshing as I checked it today thinking it was going to be awful. 

Brello777

Thanks willing2learn. I done CBT years ago has have always suffered from anxiety and depression. I think my gambling started from that tbh as I used is a mechanism to escape any dark thoughts, vicious circle though as was great when winning but the deep. Depression that took over after losses was unbareble. I keep getting that sick feeling today about it all but know I've made the right choice and can now focus solely on reducing my debt over the next few years

Retireby40

Give your wife all money to manage. Assuming she has no problems with gambling or compulsive shopping or anything she is to be the one in charge of your finances.

Give her your bank card all credit cards and you only carry a small amount of cash for day by day living. 

Say £10-20 a day for lunch or a drop of petrol for the car or whatever. Be accountable for every penny. 

Its the only way. Once a gambler theres always that risk and clearly you have been gambling recently so you are very much no a gambler deep in recovery you've gambled recently which shows you are not in control in anyway.

This will happen again and again unless you hand over control to someone else until a time where you can be responsible with your money after having gone a significant time without gambling.

Brello777

Retireby40 said:

Give your wife all money to manage. Assuming she has no problems with gambling or compulsive shopping or anything she is to be the one in charge of your finances.

Give her your bank card all credit cards and you only carry a small amount of cash for day by day living. 

Say £10-20 a day for lunch or a drop of petrol for the car or whatever. Be accountable for every penny. 

Its the only way. Once a gambler theres always that risk and clearly you have been gambling recently so you are very much no a gambler deep in recovery you've gambled recently which shows you are not in control in anyway.

This will happen again and again unless you hand over control to someone else until a time where you can be responsible with your money after having gone a significant time without gambling.

Yeah I was a tually thinking about this last night as a way of completely budgeting. I get paid monthly so was going to transfer her £400 a month then she is in complete control. She's actually very good with her money too so even more reason I guess. That would pay for weekly food shopping and our drinks, food etc at weekends, days out which would also leave me with and extra £300 a month to pay extra towards debts. Luckily it's now near impsoiblle for me to gamble, on gamstop so online will only work after 5 years and there's no bookies in my town, not even a pub with a slot machine for that matter.

I appreciate the post and advice mate thank you 

Retireby40

Good man. Yeah give her the expenditure money. It can also be like a relief out of your hands to say at least I know the Bill's food etc are covered.

Good thing on YouTube was a bbc series Moving On. It was fictional but entirely real if you get me. 3 parts each about 15 or 20 mins long. It can show you were you can end up.

Good luck 

onwards&upwards

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Retireby40

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. Even you know that so while you may have a tight grip on finances today it doesnt mean that your savings cant be wiped out by one bad week.

That's why being accountable to someone and having someone help you keeps you in check.

Some people use meetings, some CBT some just look at their kids and think ok this is my motivation. What works for one may not work for another.

The OP has been gambling recently and the most important thing is to get the money out of his hand and into the hand of someone who hasnt the problem. Someone he clearly trusts and who wants the best for him.

Your only ever one bet away from disaster.

onwards&upwards

Retireby40 said:

onwards&upwards said:onwards&upwards said:

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Handing over control to your wife will definitely stop any more money being spent on gambling but it won’t address the underlying problem.

I was a gambler, racked up a hell of a lot of debt.  I know all the emotions you’re describing.  I now haven’t gambled at all since early 2017 and have zero desire to ever do so again.  I now have an incredibly tight grip on my finances which really really helps, i’ve become addicted to saving instead, and getting the best deals/rates.  

One thing that that really helped was using YNAB, it lays out your finances bare and forces you to deal with reality not with ‘but ifs’ and best case scenarios. 

Best of luck, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

The thing is once your a gambler your always a gambler. 

I don’t believe that.  I am not a gambler anymore, the OP can and will become an ex-gambler too.