The Big D...dilema

bouicca21

Get yourself over to wikivorce for some basic advice. It's all very well saying the starting point is 50/50 but it is unlikely to apply in a case involving two small children.  All assets, savings, pensions, insurances, house, need to be taken into account.  You both need somewhere to live that is suitable for the children.  You do need solicitors - not for arguing (which is expensive) but to draw up an agreement that is legally binding.  Ideally you both get advice and agree about what would constitute a fair split, then get a solicitor to write it up in legal speak and submit it to the court. 

wilfred30

To answer one of your original questions, no you don't have to agree to a divorce.  If you don't, she will have to wait 5 years.

elsien

endoftheworld said:

elsien said:

If she's working, then spousal maintenance is very unlikely to be a consideration.
You also need to take any savings and pension she has into account as part of the settlement agreement. The starting point is 50/50 with adjustments for individual circumstances. 

Thanks, do you know if they can 'backdate' spousel maintenance. As she has mothered two children her career could arguably have been held back as a result. 
Ultimately we want to keep this out of the courts but I'm just trying to get a temperature of what 'fair' looks like. Her getting 100% of the equity of our house doesn't feel fair to me so I'd love to know what is the average in this kind of scenario. The solicitor I spoke to said they always start off at 50 50 but I think they were trying to drum up business if you know what I mean.

Siblings ex got spousal maintenance for 3 years following the divorce with no backdating; the only reason for maintenance being she'd not worked for 10 years since having children so the maintenance was to give time for her to retrain. This would not apply to your partner as she is already working. 
 

mothertoben10

bouicca21 said:

Get yourself over to wikivorce for some basic advice. It's all very well saying the starting point is 50/50 but it is unlikely to apply in a case involving two small children.  All assets, savings, pensions, insurances, house, need to be taken into account.  You both need somewhere to live that is suitable for the children.  You do need solicitors - not for arguing (which is expensive) but to draw up an agreement that is legally binding.  Ideally you both get advice and agree about what would constitute a fair split, then get a solicitor to write it up in legal speak and submit it to the court. 

As this reply says, Wikivorce is a great site with lots of information. The starting point is always 50/50 and although there are two children involved, you don't want to get solicitors involved so as long as you can show a judge (on paper, not in court yourself) that you have fairly split things and you are both happy then they will rubber stamp your divorce and a clean break (you must get this or else she can come back for more). My ex and me did our divorce through Wikivorce and was done and dusted in 19 weeks. My ex said he wanted the money back he put in as a deposit (it was a fairly big chunk) but I told him that I never signed a deed of trust and if he wanted the amount available to split to go down substantially then feel free to go through a court battle. Essentially it is the same for you. The more you can agree the better for you both, if you can't agree then you will both start haemorrhaging money and it will be all going into the solicitors pockets.