Unfair Disbursement of Estate to Grandchildren

Pollycat

scorzonthedawes said:

OK so to clarify, the unfairness is not really against the grandchildren, of which I am one, but indirectly to the children (eg my Mum).
Without going into too much detail, my wily grandfather who always (lots of previous evidence of this) favoured his son, both emotionally and financially, over his 2 daughters (one of whom is my Mum) died and his will splits the estate equally between his grandkids. And guess what, yes, his son had more kids than the 2 sisters put together, so once again in effect favouring his son. There are 5 grandkids in total, 3 to his son, one each to his daughters.
Now dont get me wrong I dont need the money, the difference to me could mean getting £20k instead of £30k so trivial amounts, but I do feel it almost penalizes my Mum yet again. And indeed I have a daughter of my own to whom any inheritance I received would go so I am advocating for her more than myself.
I feel Gramps should have split the estate 3 ways between his kids and stipulated that they should then give it to their grandkids in equal amounts or as they saw fit depending on grandkids' situations (one of his son's kids is a bit wild and the money would probably go on drugs, drink and fast cars - with the rest being wasted )
Any thoughts on this, and also any experience of this and of whether it could be challenged?
Cheers in advance

It really doesn't matter what you feel your Grandfather should have done with his money.

It was his money and he left it as he felt fit.

It's none of your business - except as a recipient of one-fifth of the money that was left.

pickledonionspaceraider

Isn't it a shame that you do not see this as the gift of love that it is.

It is a gift of love from a dearly departed relative

Just stop. Seriously, your attitude is all wrong

scorzonthedawes

To the first four responders thank you for your considered and blunt assessments, they are welcome. I asked the question because I have seen in recent years wills that were successfully challenged by children and the challenges seemed to be on the grounds of the will being unfair and I simply wanted an idea as to the art of the possible. 
To those of you who feel superior enough to make snide personal comments; thank you and you are forgiven. You make those comments without knowing the pages of back story to this (way too much to cover here), nor the people involved and the actual situation is much more complicated eg Gramps actually died over 20 years ago, he had a much younger second wife (no kids) who remains in the family house until she dies and in helping to execute the will Mum and her sister (son couldnt be bothered getting involved) discovered Gramps had secretly passed tens of thousands in cash to his son in the months leading up to his death, leaving essentially nothing in the will to Mum and her sister. Bless them, they made absolutely no fuss. There is almost zero chance that I/we would act even if we thought it possible, as although I know Mum and her sis felt very hurt by the manner in which Gramps favoured his son financially, we know that acting on that would only cause more distress over all, which we dont want.
As I said originally, I have no personal chip on my shoulder, I dont need the money, I'm happy to receive anything, I love my cousins and dont begrudge them, I dont feel hard done by, but I do feel my Mum has been (she has no chip either I should add). A child should reasonably expect an equal cut from a parent's estate. When that doesnt happen, it is easy to dismiss it as 'only money' but it actually can be very hurtful to those involved.

I knew about the full back story but had always comforted myself that at least Mum would get an equal share of the house eventually; now I find she wont. She grafted bloody hard for the NHS all her life and deserves to have as many cruises and holidays as she can afford. I dont want any inheritance from her, something I've told her when she has brought the subject up. I want her to blow it all on a well-deserved retirement, as I certainly dont need it. As a result I do feel that Gramp's will, as much as I loved the old rogue, was unfair on her and her sis.
To the person who suggested I give the money to my Mum, good idea I may well do that, thank you. Ironically having said all the above, I have persuaded Mum to ensure that any inheritance she does leave goes direct to my child, as my wife and my estate is already edging into IHT territory. So folks, it is complex and there really is no reason to be rude or hurtful when making ill-judged attempts at humour.

[Deleted User]

scorzonthedawes said:

 She grafted bloody hard for the NHS all her life and deserves to have as many cruises and holidays as she can afford. 

She'll still be able to do that, regardless of her previous employer and how much she gets in the will.

Humdinger1

Scorze 
The money is never just about the money, is it; it's about how valued you feel.  So sorry that you're having to deal with the emotional fall-out.  In the UK, people can leave their property as they wish; anyone dependent on  them can challenge such a will within 6 months of probate being granted, if they feel that sufficient provision hasn't been made; for any chance of success, they'd have to prove dependency.   The Illott case, where a court unpicked a will and gave some to an estranged daughter happened (in the view of most lawyers) because the daughter was on benefits.  It hasn't changed the general principle. 
Your stance seems sane and healthy.  It's never worth getting bitter about money, as I've seen it destroy people's ability to enjoy life and live in the moment; it also gets in way of making money.  A family member many years ago didn't pass on a fairly modest inheritance to me.  I went on to make an amount that put the lost legacy in the shade, because I decided that my relationship with that person was worth more than the money and that her behaviour reflected some bitterness and deep insecurity of her own; I didn't want to get bogged down in it.   I applaud your ability to move on.

Gilead

scorzonthedawes said:

To the first four responders thank you for your considered and blunt assessments, they are welcome. I asked the question because I have seen in recent years wills that were successfully challenged by children and the challenges seemed to be on the grounds of the will being unfair and I simply wanted an idea as to the art of the possible. 
To those of you who feel superior enough to make snide personal comments; thank you and you are forgiven. You make those comments without knowing the pages of back story to this (way too much to cover here), nor the people involved and the actual situation is much more complicated eg Gramps actually died over 20 years ago, he had a much younger second wife (no kids) who remains in the family house until she dies and in helping to execute the will Mum and her sister (son couldnt be bothered getting involved) discovered Gramps had secretly passed tens of thousands in cash to his son in the months leading up to his death, leaving essentially nothing in the will to Mum and her sister. Bless them, they made absolutely no fuss. There is almost zero chance that I/we would act even if we thought it possible, as although I know Mum and her sis felt very hurt by the manner in which Gramps favoured his son financially, we know that acting on that would only cause more distress over all, which we dont want.
As I said originally, I have no personal chip on my shoulder, I dont need the money, I'm happy to receive anything, I love my cousins and dont begrudge them, I dont feel hard done by, but I do feel my Mum has been (she has no chip either I should add). A child should reasonably expect an equal cut from a parent's estate. When that doesnt happen, it is easy to dismiss it as 'only money' but it actually can be very hurtful to those involved.

I knew about the full back story but had always comforted myself that at least Mum would get an equal share of the house eventually; now I find she wont. She grafted bloody hard for the NHS all her life and deserves to have as many cruises and holidays as she can afford. I dont want any inheritance from her, something I've told her when she has brought the subject up. I want her to blow it all on a well-deserved retirement, as I certainly dont need it. As a result I do feel that Gramp's will, as much as I loved the old rogue, was unfair on her and her sis.
To the person who suggested I give the money to my Mum, good idea I may well do that, thank you. Ironically having said all the above, I have persuaded Mum to ensure that any inheritance she does leave goes direct to my child, as my wife and my estate is already edging into IHT territory. So folks, it is complex and there really is no reason to be rude or hurtful when making ill-judged attempts at humour.

With respect, I think those who took the time to respond to you gave an honest opinion based on your original question. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but it was a considered response. 

Your are right that you didn't divulge the backstory, that was your choice, however it is a bit rich to run down those who have responded to you because they did not know "the pages of back story" which have led you to your own conclusions as to the fairness of the situation. To hear that there has been some lingering ill-feeling for the last 20 years shows that you have a firm view on what you perceive to be unfair.

The benefit of forums like MSE is that you can get reasonably objective opinions from a broad range of people. Some may agree with you, others may not. Such is life. 

pickledonionspaceraider

Everyone grafts hard all their lives.  It is uncool when people use that as a reason to expect preferential treatment for themselves or others. Some people graft hard all their lives whilst battling serious illnesses. It is life

Your issue is 20 years old? Im confused

thorsoak

Your grandfather, in all probability, would have grafted bloody hard for his living, he had every right to leave his money just where  he wished - you have one opinion of your uncles (and at least one cousin) - he had another.   It is such a shame that he had at least one grandson who is so ungrateful for what was left to him.    So sad :-(    I have four children and eight grandchildren - and one step grandchild.   Should I ignore this step-grandchild, who has been part of my family since she was three years of age?  As it is,my intention is that my estate (whatever is left of it) will be divided into five portions - one portion to be divided equally between my four children and the remaining 4/5ths to be divided equally between all NINE of my grandchildren.   They all know this - but they would rather that I was SKI-ing (spending the kids' inheritance).

Malthusian

If someone says it is not about the money, that means it's about the money.

If it was purely about their own feelings they would go away and meditate, or work out on the punchbag, or do whatever they do to process emotions. If they're exploring their options in regard to potential court action it's about money.

If it was not about the money this thread would be in the Anxiety & Adultery forum (aka Marriage, Relationships and Families) and be entitled "Why my grandfather who's been dead for 20 years was a B*stard" and describe his emotional neglect of his daughters. As it's in the Deaths forum and talks about his Will, it's about money.

You make those comments without knowing the pages of back story to this (way too much to cover here), nor the people involved and the actual situation is much more complicated eg Gramps actually died over 20 years ago, he had a much younger second wife (no kids) who remains in the family house until she dies and in helping to execute the will Mum and her sister (son couldnt be bothered getting involved) discovered Gramps had secretly passed tens of thousands in cash to his son in the months leading up to his death, leaving essentially nothing in the will to Mum and her sister. Bless them, they made absolutely no fuss.

None of that is complicated in the slightest. It's pretty de rigeur estate planning for someone with that kind of family arrangement.

If you give someone a present there is no obligation, moral or legal, to inform all their siblings. There's a difference between doing something "secretly" and not telling somebody something they had no need to know and presumably didn't ask.

As Gramps died 20 years ago, everyone would have known for 20 years that the money is going (after the death of the second wife) to his grandchildren equally and not his children, or already has gone, and his daughter wouldn't have been planning any cruises with money she's known for 20 years she wasn't getting.

Pollycat

It doesn't matter how long ago your Grandfather died. That is irrelevant.

It doesn't matter what the 'back story' is. That is irrelevant to the terms of the will.

It doesn't matter - legally - that he didn't treat his children the same. There is no law against that.

It doesn't matter how hard anyone works or has worked. That is irrelevant.

Nobody should expect anything from someone else's will.

The money belongs to the person making the will, theirs to dispose of as they see fit. (in England)

Not their children. Not their grandchildren.

It is your Mother's decision how to spend her money whilst she's alive. Just as it was her Father's decision.

It is your Mother's decision who to leave her money to on her death. Just as it was her Father's decision.

The responses you received were not what you wanted to hear.

That's unfortunate for you - but you may wish to ponder on the fact that the responses were pretty unanimous.

That's something that doesn't happen very often on this forum.