Money Moral Dilemma: My parents want us to buy, my partner's say we should rent, what should we do?

onwards&upwards

evans439 said:

I can only give you my own experience.

I tried to persuade my partner to move in with my parents so we could save to buy a house. Understandably, she didn't want to as she was renting at the time and had experienced the joys of independance. So, I moved in with her and we rented together to share her costs between us, and as some posters say, experience living together. 

We ended up renting for 8 years, saving what we could and dealing with the unexpected things life throws at you such as changing jobs, the car dying or requiring repair. These things were considerable set backs that came direct from our savings, all whilst having similar outgoings to what we have now we own. That is without mentioning the amount we spent on rent that could have been paying off our own mortgage! It IS difficult and frustrating.

Sorry, but that’s adulthood, isn’t it?  

petalsrose

I would say buy a house ASAP , make a will, if possible get married. If the worst happens( one of you dying) then at least the surviving spouse would have a house to live in for free, just the bills to worry about. 

Dox

Time to grow up and make your own decisions.

mrpunk50

petalsrose said:

I would say buy a house ASAP , make a will, if possible get married. If the worst happens( one of you dying) then at least the surviving spouse would have a house to live in for free, just the bills to worry about. 

Actually, the surviving spouse would be left with a large mortgage to pay all by themselves. Unless the deceased had a life insurance policy that covered the debt.   

AngelF

You say you want to move out, and I'd say this is a good idea to see how your relationship really progresses away from the Parents.

You don't say how old you are, or how long you've been together, or how stable your own finances are, but I suspect you haven't enough to immediately have a deposit to buy, even with help from one set of parents. Renting will mean saving a deposit will take longer, but you'll be doing it as an independent couple, getting to know eachother properly, and if Parents are eventually willing to help when you want to commit to buying then that's a bonus.

I write as a 60+ mother of a son who is in a 5 year relationship, saving for a deposit to buy with his partner while they rent. He knows we'd help if they were 'nearly there' with savings and a good buy came up, but his independent life is important, and so should yours be if you and your partner are to be happy.

Good luck!

cyclist4

Depends which area you're in or want to be in. Some years ago i was looking at buying a multiple property above a  centrally located bar in a small but popular Scottish city containing 2x 2 bed flats, & a HMO flat with 5 residents renting 5 rooms as bedsits, all for £60K. You won't get it for that nowadays, but you see the principle, get them to pay any mortgage & bills. You could have the income & move into one of the 2 bed flats when it becomes vacant, & later you could swap with the whole HMO as your residence & rent the small flat again. Look into it. Best of Luck. Also, consider how you & your partner would manage it if one of you died, fell out or if you decided later to split up - always make a legal arrangement for eventualities  between you using a solicitor. Another thing, never let the other tenants know you're the owners - unless you can handle it, use your parents or a friend you can trust to collect rents for you, or employ an agent if you are living there in the same building with them.

[Deleted User]

I'd rent, say thank you very much to your parents but you'd like to know how the two of you would cope with shared living alone. Then buy after a year or so

grumiofoundation

arrtu said:

Renting is Dead money you will never see it again 😉

So is going out for dinner or going on holiday. So is paying solicitors fees or stamp duty. 

If they buy a house together and break up after 6 months and need to sell it that’s gonna be a hell of a lot more “dead money”. 

SleepyMum

Have just been in exactly this situation. Few things to consider that I would have liked to know 12 months ago... It takes around 6 months to complete an uncomplicated property purchase I mean mortgage approved, no chain and no surprises. If you can afford it buying does make sense but realise it will take more than 6 months to resell if things go wrong. The help to buy mortgages seem a good idea but read all the details carefully, a parental loan for the deposit might work out better long term. The shared ownership mortgages are nearly impossible to get (although everyone sounds encouraging at first) few solicitors are comfortable in these purchases and you'll be left with greater expectations than you can realistically afford. Renting is the easier short term option, then you get used to all the other bills but rent something smaller than you need so that you will have the desire and drive to get out to your own place as soon as you can, make sure its a step up when you get your own place. Finally, if you do rent get into the habit of looking after the place as your own, don't ignore cleaning or maintenance issues as you will tend to follow this trend later on. I'm sure loving parents would not judge your decision, just ask them to be honest with their reasons why they think one choice better, it's better to have things out in the open so they can't play the "I told you so", best of luck whatever you decide. 

damekaren

Some of these posts are quite disrespectful to the parents that you are lodging with which I find sad. Most parents want the best for their children and believe their advice is for good reason and we shouldn't forget that one of these sets of parents is already helping by allowing you to lodge with them which is no doubt already saving money. Why not speak to both sets of parents and ask them why they hold their view. There may be some very valid concerns or views there.  Once you have that information you could weigh up pros and cons privately. Once you feel you know what you want to do tell each of the sets of parents and discuss your reasons why. You never know, you may get everyone on side. The important thing is to talk honestly.