Buying house with partner - need advice

trex227

When we bought my parents gifted me the deposit, which was 40% of the value. My other half had absolutely no qualms in having a deed of trust (in fact I think she brought it up). We did it so what I put in came back to me in the event of sale and the remainder is split 50/50. (I know you can do it percentages of the overall value but it just seemed more complicated. I also realise house price rises/falls would have an effect if we sold but we decided this was the best way for us). We’ve since married so all a moot point.

I always have doubts when a non married couple are buying and the party putting less/nothing in is opposed to a deed of trust or something else to protect their partner who is putting more in. Makes me wonder what their intentions are.

wilfred30

OP - I agree that you should probably post this in the Marriages/Relationships Board as it sounds like you have serious problems in your relationship.
I'd be tempted to tell him that you've changed your mind about selling and buying the bungalow and just keep things as they are to see how he reacts.  

ian1246

I d be running for the hills. Op - your partner sounds a piece of work. If he truly valued and loved you, he would have no issue splitting the house in a fair manner which protects what YOU are putting into the house. He would also value your daughters relationship with you, rather than suggesting she move out so his son has a room for visits. I think he's being financially and emotionally manipulative & probably controlling. If this behaviour extends beyond just the discussion/issue over the house purchase, into every day parts of the relationship, it would amount to a criminal offence in the UK (Coercive & controlling behaviour).

Sadsacsal

Thank you all for your input - I really appreciate the time you have all taken.   I had a gut instinct that maybe he is controlling the situation but like I said I have no one to bounce off (my mum and my daughter dislike him). I feel that things are spiralling out of control and I’m getting washed away with it all.   Think I need to contact my solicitor before it’s too late. 

wilfred30

Sadsacsal said:

Thank you all for your input - I really appreciate the time you have all taken.   I had a gut instinct that maybe he is controlling the situation but like I said I have no one to bounce off (my mum and my daughter dislike him). I feel that things are spiralling out of control and I’m getting washed away with it all.   Think I need to contact my solicitor before it’s too late. 

That should tell you everything you need to know.
I agree that you should contact your solicitor ASAP and, preferably, pull out of the sale and purchase.  You can then take your time considering whether you want to, or should, continue your relationship with him.
Good luck 

breaking_free

Sadsacsal said:

Thank you all for your input - I really appreciate the time you have all taken.   I had a gut instinct that maybe he is controlling the situation but like I said I have no one to bounce off (my mum and my daughter dislike him). I feel that things are spiralling out of control and I’m getting washed away with it all.   Think I need to contact my solicitor before it’s too late. 

Attagirl! Go with your gut.
I agree with the other posters here that this sounds like a controlling relationship. When you make noises about pulling out he will do his utmost to change your mind so be prepared for this. Come back for more advice from the good people here.

[Deleted User]

Sadsacsal said:

Thank you all for your input - I really appreciate the time you have all taken.   I had a gut instinct that maybe he is controlling the situation but like I said I have no one to bounce off (my mum and my daughter dislike him). I feel that things are spiralling out of control and I’m getting washed away with it all.   Think I need to contact my solicitor before it’s too late. 

sgun

Sadsacsal said:

Thank you all for your input - I really appreciate the time you have all taken.   I had a gut instinct that maybe he is controlling the situation but like I said I have no one to bounce off (my mum and my daughter dislike him). I feel that things are spiralling out of control and I’m getting washed away with it all.   Think I need to contact my solicitor before it’s too late. 

Think how nice it would be to be in a relationship with someone your mum and daughter actually like, how much more you could do together as a family. Having said that, my mum disliked most of our partners to begin with (but 8 years is quite a long time to have not come round to his good points.)

Flugelhorn

Go Sadsacal - off to sort this out before it is too late, how many of us you do you want to come with you to the solicitor?
You need a partner who your DD and mum "tolerate" and when asked about things like trusts / splitting money say "whatever you think is fair, I haven't brought any money into this"  and offers to buy some decent sofa beds for his sons to stay in the living room when they visit. 

hazyjo

I'm going to be harsh here. Sorry.

Trust your gut.

Of course you could talk to your family. I've been in your shoes (even with my current partner) and the reason you don't tell them certain things is because you don't want to hear the truth in what they will tell you.

Don't just see this as a dilemma over the house. Please see it as a dilemma over the relationship. Would it be so bad to leave him? Really? You've already mentioned the word 'hoodwinked' - that's no way to talk about your partner.

There are decent men out there. Can't stress it enough - trust your instincts. Don't just put holds on the relationship and slow it down cos you'll poodle along forever. Decision time. I've been there, got the t-shirt. And wasted SO MANY YEARS with the wrong people.

Good luck.