Advice wanted re: Cat, Divorce and Moving Far Away... :-(

martin2345uk

CJDogsbody said:

Does your mum's house have a garden?  If so could you build a cat pen outside and let the cats take turns in it?  Or even, if big enough, have two sides so that the cats could see each other but not get to each other and still get some outdoor time?

Then let your cat sleep in a large crate in your bedroom until they have sorted themselves out?

I wouldn't hold my breath in terms of selling your old house while lockdown is going on, or probably for some time afterwards since everyone's finances have taken a bit of a blow.  Why not consider renting it out until the market sorts itself out?  Unless you or your ex want to buy the other out?

Yeah we do have a small garden here, but don't have any tools or equipment to build a cat pen just now...
And we did consider renting but I dunno, I hate the idea of someone living in my house, I know that sounds stupid... I mean, I will be able to (just) afford to rent a place down here while still paying my share up there, I'd rent unfurnished so I could bring the furniture down, and then Derek would at least have some familiar items around him

Pollycat

Is he a nervous cat?

You describe him as 'independent' in another post.

My very independent cat was moved and settled in to his new surroundings without much fuss at all.

I let him out after less than a week.

But the new place gave him more safe space (very close to fields without crossing any roads) than the old house so maybe that was a factor.

Only you can gauge how he will take to new surroundings and 2 other feline occupants in the house.

How much room do you have to separate the cats at your Mum's?

Based on what you say though, I'd be on my way to collect him right now.

martin2345uk

He's independent as in, he goes out a lot, but he's nervous of new people (generally doesn't take too long to get to used to them and allow strokes though!)

Collecting him isnt as easy as just going right now, my mum has had surgery and needs quite a lot of help, and it's a 4 hour drive to Manchester so I would either be gone a whole day, or overnight.

I'm kinda dreading the journey, Derek hates going in the cat box, he tends to poo in it on the short journey to the vet, god knows what hell be like in it for 4 hours!!!

TripleH

I admit I have little experience of Toms. My younger two's mum and brother lived with a much older (and no sadly departed) male cat. The younger male became almost older than he was and would hang around quite happily with the older cat. Before our youngest (male) cat came home, I went in to visit and found all 3 boys sleeping on their sides in order of age. It seems to be the females who are less passive.
If you move Derek in, agree a phased introduction will be best but it all depends how territorial your mum's male cat is.