bank accounts in a marriage

Jami74

For a long time we only had one joint bank account. I had no idea there was any other way. It seemed to work okay for many years, all money went in and all spendings came out. I've always been far more cautious with money than my partner but it didn't matter because there was enough. 
Then, money got tighter, I was going without things to try and make ends meet but it felt like my partner wasn't. I felt resentful and out of control. i got myself in a position of earning more money and slowly over the last couple of years de-tangled the finances. We both transfer a set amount each month in the joint account which is only used for household bills. As far as I know my partner is managing their finances fine, and seems to have cut down.
I don't know what the etiquette is if a person is completely financially dependent on another. Should their partner give them money to spend as they wish? @dino7019 if you don't have any of your own income, then get yourself some and open up your own bank account.
It's hard trying to explain how it makes you feel having to justify wanting some money so you can have coffee with a friend or because you need to buy personal items. It's not about secrets or lack of trust, it's about not having to ask. 

dino7019

Jami74 said:

For a long time we only had one joint bank account. I had no idea there was any other way. It seemed to work okay for many years, all money went in and all spendings came out. I've always been far more cautious with money than my partner but it didn't matter because there was enough. 
Then, money got tighter, I was going without things to try and make ends meet but it felt like my partner wasn't. I felt resentful and out of control. i got myself in a position of earning more money and slowly over the last couple of years de-tangled the finances. We both transfer a set amount each month in the joint account which is only used for household bills. As far as I know my partner is managing their finances fine, and seems to have cut down.
I don't know what the etiquette is if a person is completely financially dependent on another. Should their partner give them money to spend as they wish? @dino7019 if you don't have any of your own income, then get yourself some and open up your own bank account.
It's hard trying to explain how it makes you feel having to justify wanting some money so you can have coffee with a friend or because you need to buy personal items. It's not about secrets or lack of trust, it's about not having to ask. 

exactly, its demoralising having to ask for money whereas spouse is able to do far more because they know whats what. i shouldnt have to feel like i am begging nor to be questioned over every transaction i make.....

dino7019

Mojisola said:

dino7019 said:

xylophone said:

Are you saying that you have no income at all? Or is it the case that you have an income but it is paid into a joint account and you  have to ask before accessing it?

i have to ask/ let spouse know 

Does your spouse have to ask/let you know before accessing any money?

they do if its a bigger purchase , sometimes their spending ideas are a bit haywire, a want now mindset rather than wait mindset lol

comeandgo

dino7019 said:

Jami74 said:

For a long time we only had one joint bank account. I had no idea there was any other way. It seemed to work okay for many years, all money went in and all spendings came out. I've always been far more cautious with money than my partner but it didn't matter because there was enough. 
Then, money got tighter, I was going without things to try and make ends meet but it felt like my partner wasn't. I felt resentful and out of control. i got myself in a position of earning more money and slowly over the last couple of years de-tangled the finances. We both transfer a set amount each month in the joint account which is only used for household bills. As far as I know my partner is managing their finances fine, and seems to have cut down.
I don't know what the etiquette is if a person is completely financially dependent on another. Should their partner give them money to spend as they wish? @dino7019 if you don't have any of your own income, then get yourself some and open up your own bank account.
It's hard trying to explain how it makes you feel having to justify wanting some money so you can have coffee with a friend or because you need to buy personal items. It's not about secrets or lack of trust, it's about not having to ask. 

exactly, its demoralising having to ask for money whereas spouse is able to do far more because they know whats what. i shouldnt have to feel like i am begging nor to be questioned over every transaction i make.....

Do you have your own income?  If so there is nothing stopping you opening your own bank account and getting your income paid into it. 

dino7019

ta folks, that many replies i keep clicking thanks, your input is truly appreciated so please dont be offended if i didnt click like, thankyou x

dino7019

comeandgo said:

dino7019 said:

Jami74 said:

For a long time we only had one joint bank account. I had no idea there was any other way. It seemed to work okay for many years, all money went in and all spendings came out. I've always been far more cautious with money than my partner but it didn't matter because there was enough. 
Then, money got tighter, I was going without things to try and make ends meet but it felt like my partner wasn't. I felt resentful and out of control. i got myself in a position of earning more money and slowly over the last couple of years de-tangled the finances. We both transfer a set amount each month in the joint account which is only used for household bills. As far as I know my partner is managing their finances fine, and seems to have cut down.
I don't know what the etiquette is if a person is completely financially dependent on another. Should their partner give them money to spend as they wish? @dino7019 if you don't have any of your own income, then get yourself some and open up your own bank account.
It's hard trying to explain how it makes you feel having to justify wanting some money so you can have coffee with a friend or because you need to buy personal items. It's not about secrets or lack of trust, it's about not having to ask. 

exactly, its demoralising having to ask for money whereas spouse is able to do far more because they know whats what. i shouldnt have to feel like i am begging nor to be questioned over every transaction i make.....

Do you have your own income?  If so there is nothing stopping you opening your own bank account and getting your income paid into it. 

i do, and i have done , unfortunately , spouse has some rather old fashioned ideas so while i am proceeding with changing my income into a new acc, i know i will expect some negative feedback.  i managed for 25 years so whats another negative feedback lol,  i dont want anyone blowing things out of proportion , just to understand that spouses worldly knowledge can be poor due to education etc (not of his doing , just how life is ) so just takes time to explain , reassure etc

Amoux

Our income goes into our sole accounts. We then split our incomes in the same proportions three ways:

1. We put a fixed proportion of our income into a joint account to cover any shared bills - rent/mortgage, utilities, food etc. 
2. We then put a fixed proportion of our income into our own individual savings accounts. ISA, SIPP, easy access accounts etc.
3. We are then left with a fixed proportion of our income to spend how we both please. 

No issues at all with this approach. It gets reviewed every year, to take into account for any salary changes and/or increases in cost of living. It might sound awfully "transactional" but it works and I think it's important to have your own sole accounts for personal spending.