Moving away from family

Savvy_Sue

Ladybird2 said:

Could you do a year or six month rental back in your home town? That way you would get a good feel for how life would be so far from your family and also whether your home town still feels like home. 

This would also be a much cheaper option than selling up and buying.

That would be a sensible plan, but have you been returning regularly over the years? If not, I'd get up there for a week SOON - ie before the weather improves! - self-catering cottage, ideally. I'm always surprised by how grey and cold it can be 'oop north', although I'm a softie southerner at heart, I know!

What leisure activities do you enjoy? Are they easily accessible? And by public transport?

think about the facts that you're not getting any younger, and are likely to have an increasing number of medical appointments. How convenient are hospitals, clinics etc? Easily accessible by public transport? 

Do you still have friends in the area? Bear in mind that they'll be increasingly creaky too. 

I don't mean to sound as negative as I'm probably coming across. I listened to my parents complain that the buses weren't as good where they'd moved to as they had been in London - like that was a surprise? And that many appointments were in the city half an hour away by car, an hour by bus, rather than at the cottage hospital which was two buses away. 

But I was just grateful they hadn't acted on one of their first 'bright ideas', to move to the seaside resort where we'd spent lots of holidays as children ... 

Marisco

Ladybird2 said:

Could you do a year or six month rental back in your home town? That way you would get a good feel for how life would be so far from your family and also whether your home town still feels like home. 

This would also be a much cheaper option than selling up and buying.

This is a very good point, I left my hometown at 42 (28 years ago) and although I go and visit (my daughter, grandkids, and great grandson still live there) I wouldn't contemplate going back there to live again. It's not the same place I left all those years ago, I no longer "fit in" anymore. Everyone is different though, so only you know how you feel. I must agree with others, I'd never plough money into someone elses' house though, too much can go wrong.

Pollycat

whitesatin said:

I’ve lived in England for many years, had my family here and have 5 grandchildren that I’ve looked after weekly till they started school.  I now find myself hankering after moving back to my home town, 400 miles away.  I find that the children and grandchildren have busy lives so I don’t see them as often, understandably.  It’d be easy to take a train back on a regular basis, although I realise I’m not getting any younger, at 68.  My husband (not their dad/granddad but much involved), is up for a move but worried about whether we would be sorry later.  One idea we’ve come up with is that we sell up here and buy something cheaper there (still getting a good house as prices are cheaper up north), and pay for an extension to be built on my son’s house for occasional use by us but they could use in our absence, all legally done, of course.  

We could buy a small flat near where we are but seems daft to run an empty flat.
is this whole idea full of pitfalls before I mention it to my son and his wife?

If my parents were considering moving 400 miles away and I found out that they'd been considering plans for my house to facilitate this, not to mention asking random strangers on t'interweb for their opinions before having the courtesy to talk to me and my family first I'd be very disappointed. And bloody furious.

whitesatin

Pollycat said:

whitesatin said:

I’ve lived in England for many years, had my family here and have 5 grandchildren that I’ve looked after weekly till they started school.  I now find myself hankering after moving back to my home town, 400 miles away.  I find that the children and grandchildren have busy lives so I don’t see them as often, understandably.  It’d be easy to take a train back on a regular basis, although I realise I’m not getting any younger, at 68.  My husband (not their dad/granddad but much involved), is up for a move but worried about whether we would be sorry later.  One idea we’ve come up with is that we sell up here and buy something cheaper there (still getting a good house as prices are cheaper up north), and pay for an extension to be built on my son’s house for occasional use by us but they could use in our absence, all legally done, of course.  

We could buy a small flat near where we are but seems daft to run an empty flat.
is this whole idea full of pitfalls before I mention it to my son and his wife?

If my parents were considering moving 400 miles away and I found out that they'd been considering plans for my house to facilitate this, not to mention asking random strangers on t'interweb for their opinions before having the courtesy to talk to me and my family first I'd be very disappointed. And bloody furious.

No, I’d rather think it through (with real friends as well as more objective internet people), before taking it further.  My family are aware of my hankering to go back so it wouldn’t be a surprise.  I do go up regularly and still have family and friends so would have a ready made, if ageing, network.
I know my son would bite my hand off re paying for an extension so wouldn’t want to get his hopes up.  Yes, I’d be missed, of course, as I’d miss everyone here.  We would all be well placed for public transport but I take the point of different phases in lives, including old age and all that it could bring but I try to be upbeat.  My own mum lived for almost thirty years more than I am now, in reasonable health.

So, anyway, thanks all for your thoughts.

Fireflyaway

Definitely follow your heart, you don't want regrets. However think about what would happen if you became ill and on your own. My grandma moved back home, about 500 miles away. She lived in a rural place with no family close by and really struggled when her health deteriorated. It caused upset to my parents who did their best but couldn't just pop in. Maybe plan your finances so that you could move back even to a smaller place if need be in future. The main thing is you have choices if you need them. 

Pollycat

whitesatin said:

Pollycat said:

whitesatin said:

I’ve lived in England for many years, had my family here and have 5 grandchildren that I’ve looked after weekly till they started school.  I now find myself hankering after moving back to my home town, 400 miles away.  I find that the children and grandchildren have busy lives so I don’t see them as often, understandably.  It’d be easy to take a train back on a regular basis, although I realise I’m not getting any younger, at 68.  My husband (not their dad/granddad but much involved), is up for a move but worried about whether we would be sorry later.  One idea we’ve come up with is that we sell up here and buy something cheaper there (still getting a good house as prices are cheaper up north), and pay for an extension to be built on my son’s house for occasional use by us but they could use in our absence, all legally done, of course.  

We could buy a small flat near where we are but seems daft to run an empty flat.
is this whole idea full of pitfalls before I mention it to my son and his wife?

If my parents were considering moving 400 miles away and I found out that they'd been considering plans for my house to facilitate this, not to mention asking random strangers on t'interweb for their opinions before having the courtesy to talk to me and my family first I'd be very disappointed. And bloody furious.

No, I’d rather think it through (with real friends as well as more objective internet people), before taking it further.  My family are aware of my hankering to go back so it wouldn’t be a surprise.  I do go up regularly and still have family and friends so would have a ready made, if ageing, network.
I know my son would bite my hand off re paying for an extension so wouldn’t want to get his hopes up.  Yes, I’d be missed, of course, as I’d miss everyone here.  We would all be well placed for public transport but I take the point of different phases in lives, including old age and all that it could bring but I try to be upbeat.  My own mum lived for almost thirty years more than I am now, in reasonable health.

So, anyway, thanks all for your thoughts.

Might have been helpful if you'd mentioned the bit in bold earlier...

onwards&upwards

Pollycat said:

whitesatin said:

Pollycat said:

whitesatin said:

I’ve lived in England for many years, had my family here and have 5 grandchildren that I’ve looked after weekly till they started school.  I now find myself hankering after moving back to my home town, 400 miles away.  I find that the children and grandchildren have busy lives so I don’t see them as often, understandably.  It’d be easy to take a train back on a regular basis, although I realise I’m not getting any younger, at 68.  My husband (not their dad/granddad but much involved), is up for a move but worried about whether we would be sorry later.  One idea we’ve come up with is that we sell up here and buy something cheaper there (still getting a good house as prices are cheaper up north), and pay for an extension to be built on my son’s house for occasional use by us but they could use in our absence, all legally done, of course.  

We could buy a small flat near where we are but seems daft to run an empty flat.
is this whole idea full of pitfalls before I mention it to my son and his wife?

If my parents were considering moving 400 miles away and I found out that they'd been considering plans for my house to facilitate this, not to mention asking random strangers on t'interweb for their opinions before having the courtesy to talk to me and my family first I'd be very disappointed. And bloody furious.

No, I’d rather think it through (with real friends as well as more objective internet people), before taking it further.  My family are aware of my hankering to go back so it wouldn’t be a surprise.  I do go up regularly and still have family and friends so would have a ready made, if ageing, network.
I know my son would bite my hand off re paying for an extension so wouldn’t want to get his hopes up.  Yes, I’d be missed, of course, as I’d miss everyone here.  We would all be well placed for public transport but I take the point of different phases in lives, including old age and all that it could bring but I try to be upbeat.  My own mum lived for almost thirty years more than I am now, in reasonable health.

So, anyway, thanks all for your thoughts.

Might have been helpful if you'd mentioned the bit in bold earlier...

Or if she said exactly why she is so sure, especially as the extension won’t be something they can make use of year round, so not all that useful as living space.  It will have strings attached that it must be freed up for visits. 

suejb2

Can you do Air bnb or rent in the area you want to move to as a temporary six month fix? 

Keep your house near your family, rent that or Air bnb .

HRH_MUngo

I too would keep a property in the area you live in now.  Don't burn your bridges.
When we went to live in Spain, (2004-2011), we could have sold our home in the Midlands and bought a large villa with a pool.  Instead, we bought a small village house with no land and kept our house in the UK.  Our son lived in it with some lodgers while we were away.  When we returned in 2011 (our move to Spain was never meant to be permanent), we could just move back in (having given the lodgers the required notice!).  We would never have gone to Spain if we had not kept a base, even  if only a mobile home, in our home town.
I really think it is so important to keep a place as a bolt-hole, even if it is a flat or a mobile home.
Hope this helps.

MysteryRegular

whitesatin said:

I’ve lived in England for many years, had my family here and have 5 grandchildren that I’ve looked after weekly till they started school.  I now find myself hankering after moving back to my home town, 400 miles away.  I find that the children and grandchildren have busy lives so I don’t see them as often, understandably.  It’d be easy to take a train back on a regular basis, although I realise I’m not getting any younger, at 68.  My husband (not their dad/granddad but much involved), is up for a move but worried about whether we would be sorry later.  One idea we’ve come up with is that we sell up here and buy something cheaper there (still getting a good house as prices are cheaper up north), and pay for an extension to be built on my son’s house for occasional use by us but they could use in our absence, all legally done, of course.  

We could buy a small flat near where we are but seems daft to run an empty flat.
is this whole idea full of pitfalls before I mention it to my son and his wife?


I think you need to do what you are happy with

My parents moved away and it did change things. We are nowhere near as close as we once were.

I haven't seen them in three years