Project 2025

DrSpendingLittle

Dropping by to say hi and good luck with your debt free journey. You sound determined yet realistic and I look forward to following your journey. 

The good news is you have a big shovel, so you should be able to make some good progress over the coming months as you begin to retrain your spending habits. Do you have any long term financial goals that you're working towards? They may help keep you on the straight and narrow on the days when your resolve is tested.

Regarding the emergency fund, I felt exactly the same way when I was pay off my debt. I wanted every £ possible to go towards debt. I resented the money sitting in my bank account doing nothing when it could be paying off my credit card. I flitted between having one and not over the 20 months it took me to pay off the debt. See how you get on (our personalities are all different and we are driven by different things) but do be prepared for life getting in the way of your plans and eating up the debt overpayments you'd intended to make that month - I recall having an unexpected £500 dental bill one month and a £200 car bill the next and getting super frustrated at not being able to use that money to pay off debt. But, it's all par for the course.

Good luck!

HaveIt

Sarahwithlove said:

Whilst I have the upmost respect for you for supporting your ex and child I don’t agree that you can’t dictate to her about spending. I am beginning to think that maybe you need to agree on a set allowance for her and she uses it towards paying everything. That way if she wants to spend money and not cut back then it has to be from her own budget. If you were still together and tackling this debt then you would have to both look at making cut backs to achieve it. 

It's getting a bit tricky. I'm still sending her £1k a month despite her now earning. And I'm paying for other stuff too. And when her phone broke, I bought her a new one. I think she's taking the !!!!!! a bit as a sort of revenge. But I think if I restrict cash too quickly it might trigger her already fragile sense of security. But, yes, it needs to stop because otherwise I'll drown, which won't help either of us.

HaveIt

Thanks very much for everyone's replies. Much appreciated!
Couple of notes and thoughts from the last few days.

Weekend was mostly good. I spent about £30, but mostly on groceries that'll last a while (Iceland's £5 a kg frozen cooked chicken is a winner, so's frozen veg generally). Also bought some drawing materials for my son, jogging bottoms, and some glue to repair some trainers, but all from Poundland. 

There have been a couple of interesting side effects of starting to understand the value of money better. Namely, an appreciation for things that used to hold little value. I'm enjoying the things I eat or drink more, because they've gained significance. I wasn't expecting that. It's also satisfying living within limits.

Need to get my !!!!!! in gear and sell that stuff. Likely to end the month £1,800 overdrawn and that needs to go.

Think I've managed to agree with HMRC that I'll repay this year's underpayment of tax in installments. That's a relief.

HaveIt

DrSpendingLittle said:

Dropping by to say hi and good luck with your debt free journey. You sound determined yet realistic and I look forward to following your journey. 

The good news is you have a big shovel, so you should be able to make some good progress over the coming months as you begin to retrain your spending habits. Do you have any long term financial goals that you're working towards? They may help keep you on the straight and narrow on the days when your resolve is tested.

Regarding the emergency fund, I felt exactly the same way when I was pay off my debt. I wanted every £ possible to go towards debt. I resented the money sitting in my bank account doing nothing when it could be paying off my credit card. I flitted between having one and not over the 20 months it took me to pay off the debt. See how you get on (our personalities are all different and we are driven by different things) but do be prepared for life getting in the way of your plans and eating up the debt overpayments you'd intended to make that month - I recall having an unexpected £500 dental bill one month and a £200 car bill the next and getting super frustrated at not being able to use that money to pay off debt. But, it's all par for the course.

Good luck!

Yeah, I've had £450 of dentistry, and nearly £1,200 of car repairs in the last three months. Ugh.

Sarahwithlove

HaveIt said:

Sarahwithlove said:

Whilst I have the upmost respect for you for supporting your ex and child I don’t agree that you can’t dictate to her about spending. I am beginning to think that maybe you need to agree on a set allowance for her and she uses it towards paying everything. That way if she wants to spend money and not cut back then it has to be from her own budget. If you were still together and tackling this debt then you would have to both look at making cut backs to achieve it. 

It's getting a bit tricky. I'm still sending her £1k a month despite her now earning. And I'm paying for other stuff too. And when her phone broke, I bought her a new one. I think she's taking the !!!!!! a bit as a sort of revenge. But I think if I restrict cash too quickly it might trigger her already fragile sense of security. But, yes, it needs to stop because otherwise I'll drown, which won't help either of us.

Could you say to her that you can only afford a £1000 a month and none of the extras. As much as it's a hard conversation to have there is never going to be a good time for it and there will always be a reason why you can't reduce the amount. Sometimes you just had to rip the band aid off and be honest. 

[Deleted User]

Well done in having your LBM, you seem really determined! Sounds like you have made lot of changes already, you'll soon start to see them pay off!

One thing I can see in your SOA is the cable/satellite TV. Are you in a contract? If not, can you cancel and get something like Netflix instead?

We only use Netflix and Channel 4 catch up these days, so we don't even pay our TV license anymore! 

HaveIt

Sarahwithlove said:

HaveIt said:

Sarahwithlove said:

Whilst I have the upmost respect for you for supporting your ex and child I don’t agree that you can’t dictate to her about spending. I am beginning to think that maybe you need to agree on a set allowance for her and she uses it towards paying everything. That way if she wants to spend money and not cut back then it has to be from her own budget. If you were still together and tackling this debt then you would have to both look at making cut backs to achieve it. 

It's getting a bit tricky. I'm still sending her £1k a month despite her now earning. And I'm paying for other stuff too. And when her phone broke, I bought her a new one. I think she's taking the !!!!!! a bit as a sort of revenge. But I think if I restrict cash too quickly it might trigger her already fragile sense of security. But, yes, it needs to stop because otherwise I'll drown, which won't help either of us.

Could you say to her that you can only afford a £1000 a month and none of the extras. As much as it's a hard conversation to have there is never going to be a good time for it and there will always be a reason why you can't reduce the amount. Sometimes you just had to rip the band aid off and be honest. 

I think I'm going to have to! There isn't really an alternative pre-mediation  

HaveIt

Moguline said:

Well done in having your LBM, you seem really determined! Sounds like you have made lot of changes already, you'll soon start to see them pay off!

One thing I can see in your SOA is the cable/satellite TV. Are you in a contract? If not, can you cancel and get something like Netflix instead?

We only use Netflix and Channel 4 catch up these days, so we don't even pay our TV license anymore! 

That's my ex's Sky which includes broadband. Not ready to broach downgrading that yet! 

We also share a Netflix account. 

HaveIt

Not much to report, really. The initial exciting flurry has worn off, and now the boring reality of the next few years is kicking in a little. That sounds unduly negative, because life's good, but I've now done all the proactive stuff so moving forwards it's just about spending as little as possible. This doesn't lead to loads of updates, alas.

Annoyingly my coat has a tear at the bottom. It's not an obvious one, but still, makes me feel a bit Steptoe and Son knowing its there. Will just have to get over it.
Also, the front bit of my trainers is falling off so the £1 glue from Poundland didn't cut it. I guess there's truth to the 'buy cheap, pay twice' adage.

MidsHollie

I find this time of the month frustrating too - there is a flurry of debt related activity at the start of the month and then it tails off. I try and focus on what extra I can do - what can I sell, is there any mystery shopping etcI can do. It all adds up. And I also focus on trying to cut my spending to have left overs in my grocery fuel and spending budgets. Thee are still things to be done , they just don’t feel as good. 
Your steptoe and son comment made me laugh. I once met one of the richest people in the UK whilst wearing a pair of £3 primary shoes that were done in after two weeks traipsing round Europe. It certainly made me smile that day! His shoes probably cost 100 x more than mine!