We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Project 2025
Options
HaveIt
Posts: 27 Forumite
I had my LBM a couple of weeks ago, having been waiting for it for years.
It’s very frustrating to only now be understanding the value of money when I’m at the bottom of the barrel, but I suppose it’s borne of necessity. I needed to get here (and to hope for better) in order to make a change.
I’ll try and make a long story short. I’ve always been TERRIBLE with money. From the second I was old enough I abused credit cards and overdrafts. I have memories of paying for food with a cheque when I was uni because I was at my limits. I used to get £150 of bank charges every month for being in unauthorised overdrafts, and saw that as normal. (Martin’s first hurrah saw me reclaim those – thanks!)
In my teens and twenties, I did loads of drugs, and it wasn’t unusual for me to get a Wonga loan at 1am in order to fund a night out as it was actually taking place. This was alongside general ‘crapness’ with money which has persisted to this day.
My parents both helped and probably hindered. They bailed me out on more than one occasion, they paid for a deposit on a house, and they paid for my wedding. I never had to learn the value of money because I had an inexhaustible source.
Eventually I grew out of the drugs, and started to live a more normal life. I’ve always had good jobs, and I moved out of London to Sussex shortly after my son was born. Rented for a year, then bought a nice place in 2013. Poor APR on the mortgage at first, but now on a very good one.
However, despite growing up in that regard, both my (now ex) wife and I continued to have poor spending habits. Neither of us were ever particularly avaricious when it came to labels, or expensive holidays/cars/etc. But we were never cognizant of what we were spending.
One (intended) consequence of the move in 2013 was that my ex-partner stopped work to raise our son. I was earning six-figures, so it seemed affordable. However, we didn’t adjust our lifestyle. We’d eat out all the time, always have takeaways, always have a shortfall every month which went on credit cards, overdrafts, and lumping more on the mortgage. There was also a parental loan of £35k in 2015.
We entered a cycle of getting to a better place, then falling off the wagon again, convincing ourselves it was ‘good debt’ because it was for things like cars, or home improvements. But it also funded our excess too, and the good debt became bad again.
Ultimately, we felt like we should be well-off, and lived like we were. However, we couldn’t afford our lifestyle.
About a year ago, we separated. Rather, I left. That’s not for this thread, but suffice it to say, it wasn’t a mutual decision and my ex-partner is really struggling with it all. This was exacerbated by me entering into a new relationship a few months later. I take responsibility for her current fragile state, and I take responsibility for her financially, to a large extent. The decision to move away from the London jobs market was taken together, and I won’t just leave her in the lurch.
Anyway, SOA time.
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 5897
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 5897
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1396
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 775
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 175
Electricity............................. 70
Gas..................................... 70
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 79
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 50
TV Licence.............................. 25
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 54
Internet Services....................... 25
Groceries etc. ......................... 200
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 60
Road tax................................ 39
Car Insurance........................... 50
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 50
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 250
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 20
Buildings insurance..................... 20
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 40
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20
Haircuts................................ 15
Entertainment........................... 60
Holiday................................. 200
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Ex-partner maintenance.................. 600
Dog walking............................. 115
Total monthly expenses.................. 4488
Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 485000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 1000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 486000
Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 330000...(1396).....1.79
Total secured & HP debts...... 330000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Loan...........................22175.....331.......3.1
CC - Barclayard................9652......192.......0
CC - Virgin....................13298.....132.......0
Overdraft......................1500......0.........10
Parental loan..................15906.....0.........3.5
CC - MBNA......................10475.....105.......0
Total unsecured debts..........73006.....760.......-
Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 5,897
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 4,488
Available for debt repayments........... 1,409
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 760
Amount left after debt repayments....... 649
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 486,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -330,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -73,006
Net Assets.............................. 82,994
Created using the SOA calculator at stoozing[/url].
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.
My debt spiraled post-separation. I had to fund two homes, and I was in the early stages of a new relationship, and didn’t want to be seen as tight. So much money was going out that it lost all meaning and I buried my head in the sand. I was also probably trying to spend to distract myself from the heartbreak I felt at no longer living with my son, and the guilt I felt at leaving both him and my wife. I remain sure that it was the right decision – for us all - but very difficult nonetheless.
So, to now. I’ve run out of road on the debt front. Interest-free periods are ending, and my crappy credit rating means I’ll almost certainly be declined for balance transfer cards. Also, balance transfer offers on my existing cards are drying up, so I can’t just shuffle between them.
I’ve tightened everything where I can – reduced insurance, switched to cheap sim-only plan on my phone, cheap broadband, made sure insurance policies are as low as possible, etc, etc. I’ve claimed every refund possible, and followed advice from this forum where appropriate/possible.
I’ve got from ~£4.5k overdrawn to about £1.5k overdrawn (well, will be at month end) and will aim to clear that first. I was undertaxed last year, so am paying off £165 a month to the tax man for another 7 months, and I’ve been undertaxed this year (how rubbish PAYE is!) so have lost £750 from my most recent salary which hasn’t helped. I’ve contacted Inland Revenue to see if I can spread the remaining underpayment for this FY over several months too. Fingers crossed.
I pay the mortgage, all of her bills, and about £700 a month to my ex, and I also pay for dog walking to enable her to work. There are no alternatives on this front. In time we’ll enter mediation and sort something, but it won’t be dramatically different. I doubt we’ll sell the home for another 6yrs or so, so that equity won’t be freed up for the foreseeable future.
I should be able to target about £1,500 a month of debt repayment. In the past I’d have smashed out a budget and instantly failed to stick to it, but I’m a month in now and I feel genuinely different – hence confidently stating that I’ve had a LBM earlier on. I know I’ll stick to it. It’s like the wool has been lifted from eyes.
I’m not currently paying my parents back. They kindly agreed to pause repayments whilst the separation happened, and are not knocking on the door for the repayments to start. I recently came clean to them about the debts I’ve racked up again, and they were supportive and understanding.
I will probably approach them to help restructure my debt at a way that profits them (I.E. more returns than they could get elsewhere with short-term investments) but ONLY once I’ve proven to myself that I’ve truly changed. I appreciate how fortunate I am that this might be an option.
My aim is to be free of short-term debt by this time in 2025.
Wish me luck! And thank you for reading.
It’s very frustrating to only now be understanding the value of money when I’m at the bottom of the barrel, but I suppose it’s borne of necessity. I needed to get here (and to hope for better) in order to make a change.
I’ll try and make a long story short. I’ve always been TERRIBLE with money. From the second I was old enough I abused credit cards and overdrafts. I have memories of paying for food with a cheque when I was uni because I was at my limits. I used to get £150 of bank charges every month for being in unauthorised overdrafts, and saw that as normal. (Martin’s first hurrah saw me reclaim those – thanks!)
In my teens and twenties, I did loads of drugs, and it wasn’t unusual for me to get a Wonga loan at 1am in order to fund a night out as it was actually taking place. This was alongside general ‘crapness’ with money which has persisted to this day.
My parents both helped and probably hindered. They bailed me out on more than one occasion, they paid for a deposit on a house, and they paid for my wedding. I never had to learn the value of money because I had an inexhaustible source.
Eventually I grew out of the drugs, and started to live a more normal life. I’ve always had good jobs, and I moved out of London to Sussex shortly after my son was born. Rented for a year, then bought a nice place in 2013. Poor APR on the mortgage at first, but now on a very good one.
However, despite growing up in that regard, both my (now ex) wife and I continued to have poor spending habits. Neither of us were ever particularly avaricious when it came to labels, or expensive holidays/cars/etc. But we were never cognizant of what we were spending.
One (intended) consequence of the move in 2013 was that my ex-partner stopped work to raise our son. I was earning six-figures, so it seemed affordable. However, we didn’t adjust our lifestyle. We’d eat out all the time, always have takeaways, always have a shortfall every month which went on credit cards, overdrafts, and lumping more on the mortgage. There was also a parental loan of £35k in 2015.
We entered a cycle of getting to a better place, then falling off the wagon again, convincing ourselves it was ‘good debt’ because it was for things like cars, or home improvements. But it also funded our excess too, and the good debt became bad again.
Ultimately, we felt like we should be well-off, and lived like we were. However, we couldn’t afford our lifestyle.
About a year ago, we separated. Rather, I left. That’s not for this thread, but suffice it to say, it wasn’t a mutual decision and my ex-partner is really struggling with it all. This was exacerbated by me entering into a new relationship a few months later. I take responsibility for her current fragile state, and I take responsibility for her financially, to a large extent. The decision to move away from the London jobs market was taken together, and I won’t just leave her in the lurch.
Anyway, SOA time.
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 5897
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 5897
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 1396
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 775
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 175
Electricity............................. 70
Gas..................................... 70
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 79
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 50
TV Licence.............................. 25
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 54
Internet Services....................... 25
Groceries etc. ......................... 200
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 60
Road tax................................ 39
Car Insurance........................... 50
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 50
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 250
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 20
Buildings insurance..................... 20
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 40
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20
Haircuts................................ 15
Entertainment........................... 60
Holiday................................. 200
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Ex-partner maintenance.................. 600
Dog walking............................. 115
Total monthly expenses.................. 4488
Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 485000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 1000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 486000
Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 330000...(1396).....1.79
Total secured & HP debts...... 330000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Loan...........................22175.....331.......3.1
CC - Barclayard................9652......192.......0
CC - Virgin....................13298.....132.......0
Overdraft......................1500......0.........10
Parental loan..................15906.....0.........3.5
CC - MBNA......................10475.....105.......0
Total unsecured debts..........73006.....760.......-
Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 5,897
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 4,488
Available for debt repayments........... 1,409
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 760
Amount left after debt repayments....... 649
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 486,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -330,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -73,006
Net Assets.............................. 82,994
Created using the SOA calculator at stoozing[/url].
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.
My debt spiraled post-separation. I had to fund two homes, and I was in the early stages of a new relationship, and didn’t want to be seen as tight. So much money was going out that it lost all meaning and I buried my head in the sand. I was also probably trying to spend to distract myself from the heartbreak I felt at no longer living with my son, and the guilt I felt at leaving both him and my wife. I remain sure that it was the right decision – for us all - but very difficult nonetheless.
So, to now. I’ve run out of road on the debt front. Interest-free periods are ending, and my crappy credit rating means I’ll almost certainly be declined for balance transfer cards. Also, balance transfer offers on my existing cards are drying up, so I can’t just shuffle between them.
I’ve tightened everything where I can – reduced insurance, switched to cheap sim-only plan on my phone, cheap broadband, made sure insurance policies are as low as possible, etc, etc. I’ve claimed every refund possible, and followed advice from this forum where appropriate/possible.
I’ve got from ~£4.5k overdrawn to about £1.5k overdrawn (well, will be at month end) and will aim to clear that first. I was undertaxed last year, so am paying off £165 a month to the tax man for another 7 months, and I’ve been undertaxed this year (how rubbish PAYE is!) so have lost £750 from my most recent salary which hasn’t helped. I’ve contacted Inland Revenue to see if I can spread the remaining underpayment for this FY over several months too. Fingers crossed.
I pay the mortgage, all of her bills, and about £700 a month to my ex, and I also pay for dog walking to enable her to work. There are no alternatives on this front. In time we’ll enter mediation and sort something, but it won’t be dramatically different. I doubt we’ll sell the home for another 6yrs or so, so that equity won’t be freed up for the foreseeable future.
I should be able to target about £1,500 a month of debt repayment. In the past I’d have smashed out a budget and instantly failed to stick to it, but I’m a month in now and I feel genuinely different – hence confidently stating that I’ve had a LBM earlier on. I know I’ll stick to it. It’s like the wool has been lifted from eyes.
I’m not currently paying my parents back. They kindly agreed to pause repayments whilst the separation happened, and are not knocking on the door for the repayments to start. I recently came clean to them about the debts I’ve racked up again, and they were supportive and understanding.
I will probably approach them to help restructure my debt at a way that profits them (I.E. more returns than they could get elsewhere with short-term investments) but ONLY once I’ve proven to myself that I’ve truly changed. I appreciate how fortunate I am that this might be an option.
My aim is to be free of short-term debt by this time in 2025.
Wish me luck! And thank you for reading.
0
Comments
-
So, diary entry one.
What have I been doing differently? All the classics, really.- As mentioned, bills have been cut back as far as possible.
- I’m making breakfasts and lunches to take in to work. I was previously spending between £10 and £12 per day.
- No takeaways.
- I haven’t eaten out in a month – it used to be once or twice a week, on top of takeaways.
- Dramatically cutting back on clothes spend. Hoping to get away with only buying one white shirt, one pair of smart shoes, and one pair of trainers, in the rest of 2020.
- Being very careful with spending in pubs – it’s £6.50 a pint in my work local, so that’s been largely knocked on the head.
- Doing as many cheap/free activities with my son as possible. Train into London is free for me (thanks to train gold card, not accounted for in SOA as season ticket loan is taken before I’m paid) and only £1 for him, so the free museums with a packed lunch is a winner.
- He’s been showered with presents his whole life, so cutting down on this and making him wait/save will really benefit him too. Whereas before I’d probably get him a toy and book every weekend, now he has to make do with his existing plethora of books and toys. And the library!
- I’m putting money aside for the summer so that trips with him are saved up for, and I have a couple of friends’ weddings to plan for too.
0 -
Congratulations on having your Light Bulb Moment (I had mine on my 55th birthday last August!). I didn't want to just read and pass by.
I'm doing OK but I'm trying my hardest not to spend any money but any money I can spend is mainly for groceries and I transfer that money to my Tesco bank account and leave all my other cards at home. Tesco is the closest big supermarket and I get lots of clubcard getting my fuel & groceries using my Tesco bank account. Also, the card gets declined if I try to spend more than I transferred.
Wishing you well and keep coming here and let us know how you are doing!DEBT FREE BY 60Starting Debt 21st August 2019 = £11,024
Debt at May 2022 = £5268Debt Free Challenge - To be debt free by August 20240 -
Thanks very much. Good luck to you too!0
-
Good luck with your journey. Keep posting on here you'll get some great advice and support xxslowly working towards being MF one small over payment at a time :T0
-
Thank you!0
-
You can do credit card eligibility check which only does a soft search to see what your chances are of getting a balance transfer credit card. Won’t really do any harm. It’s never nice when you have to separate but as someone whose parents stayed together when they shouldn’t have, you’ve done the right thing.*Dad loan - £5300 - £7300
*Virgin Credit Card - £3552.50 - £0
*Natwest - £1828.35 -£400
Barclaycard - £2315.25 - £0.00
Creation Finance - £960.32 £860
*Total debt - £8560/£11641.17*
Savings
*Savings Buffer - £1000/£1500
*Emergency Fund - £1000/£1500
New diary- https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6474943/the-three-cs-coffee-clothes-credit-cards/0 -
Thank you. Yes, brutal, and it'll stay with me for life, but it was the right thing for us all. I hope she sees that one day too.
I'll definitely try the soft search if I'm not able to shuffle when my next 0% period ends in June. You never know!0 -
Hi HaveIt,
Welcome to the board.
You have a great income, so some real potential to knock this on the head.
Just looking at your SOA, it looks like you are paying for your Ex's rent? Or you rent whilst they are in the house? Even if its the rent, when you total up the rent, the "maintenance", child expenses and dog walking, that is over £1700, when she is also working. It seems a hell of a lot to me, but hey, you are being a good human, so well done.
Are you also paying your ex's household bills? Gas, electric and water seem very high. I also think you have put the quarterly amount for your TV license.
You also need to save an emergency fund. This will help you not use credit when things crop up, as they always do. If you aren't aware of him already, it may be useful for you to look at the Dave Ramsey baby stepshttps://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6086606/debt-free-by-23/p1True LBM, December 2019 = £32934. Current Debt = £12762. 1% Challenge = 61.1%. #51 3-6 Month EF Challenge = £1200/£6000
0 -
I'm paying the mortgage for the house we jointly own that she lives in with our son, and rent for my flat too.
I'm also paying all of her bills. So those totals are mine and hers combined.
She's not earning much at all as she's only doing 17hrs a week.
I've wondered about the emergency fund. Would it better to have said fund or more paid off the debt?0 -
Oh, and thank you!0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 350.9K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453.5K Spending & Discounts
- 243.9K Work, Benefits & Business
- 598.8K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.9K Life & Family
- 257.2K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards