Blended family finances

Bryonyb

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice. I am currently in a relationship but have a child with a previous partner, my first child is still young so in the event that anything happens to me would need someone to act as their guardian. My current partner is lovely and would obviously do anything for my child but my previous partner wants things to do with his child kept separate including parental responsibility and money. I have a separate account that I pay for childcare and anything specific for my first child such as clothes, toddler classes Etc there is also a standing order from this account into my first child’s junior isa that only they can access when they reach 18. My previous partner checks the statements every so often to make sure he is satisfied on what I’m spending the money on. Food, nappies, day trips my partner and I pay for out of our joint account and we also contribute the lions share into the separate account that pays for my first child’s specific expenses.

Currently only I have access to my daughters specific expenses account (it’s a current account set up in my name). My previous partner has said he would like access to this account which is a huge red flag for me as not something I would feel comfortable with. However as we put quiet large sums of money in the account in the event of anything happening to me I would like whoever is acting as guardian of my child to be able to access this to pay for childcare bills etc on behalf of my child. As my previous partner lives a considerable distance away this may be my current partner, my family or my ex partners parents.

Is there an easy way to set up such an account or would it be a long process of my will executor shelling out the money after my death? I still need everyday access to pay for her specific items.

Thanks for any help.

Accountant_Kerry

this is very difficult to understand, how many children do you have? who are their parents current or past partner? How many accounts etc?

Mojisola

Bryonyb wrote: »

I am currently in a relationship but have a child with a previous partner

my previous partner wants things to do with his child kept separate including parental responsibility and money.

I have a separate account that I pay for childcare and anything specific for my first child

My previous partner checks the statements every so often to make sure he is satisfied on what I’m spending the money on.

My previous partner has said he would like access to this account which is a huge red flag for me as not something I would feel comfortable with.

Is there an easy way to set up such an account or would it be a long process of my will executor shelling out the money after my death?

Was your ex this controlling when you were together?

If you are genuinely happy with him checking up on what you spend, fair enough, but he has no rights to do so and most separated parents wouldn't allow it. Do you get to see his account to see how he spends his money when he has your child?

I certainly wouldn't give him access to the account.

Do you have a will? If not, you need one. You can make your current partner your executor and make him a trustee over your child's inheritance.

Mrsn

Bryony I’m really confused as to why you would allow access to a bank account so your ex can see what you are spending the money on that at best seems quiet controlling. As long as your child is loved and cared for I do not personally see why he should ever need access to that information.

Please do not allow any further access to any other bank accounts you might open relating to the child you share and I personally would stop access to the one he currently does overview.

I would echo the view that you make a will and appoint a trustee that you feel comfortable with.

TBagpuss

It's ridiculous for your ex to expect to see bank statements in this way.

Any money which they provide by way of child support forms part of your over all budget and it's up to you how you manage it.

If they are paying for things over and above CMS requirements then it isn't unreasonable for you to provide proof that your child is getting the extras, but that doesn't require you to share bank details. For instance, if your ex provides CMS support and also pays for 50% of your child's nursery fees, then all they need to see is copies of the nursery bills.

Beyond that, how you spend your money and how you manage your child's needs are up to you. (and if your ex decides they would rather pay direct for some thing then as long as they are still paying maintenance at CMS rates as well, that's up to them.
It's weirdly controlling for them to expect to monitor your spending. And impractical, too. Are you expected to take x% of your monthly bills and food costs from your child's account and show it's a reasonable proportion?

In terms of making provision for what should happen if anything happened to you, the most important thing to do is to make a will. Appointment of a guardian wouldn't take effect if your child's other parents has PR and was still alive, but you can nominate the people who you would want to act as trustees, taking care of financial issues on behalf of your child, including managing their share of any inheritance until they reached adulthood.

In terms of bank accounts for money used for your child, if you add your current partner to the account then if you died, they would take over the account. If you don't add anyone at this time, then if you died, the trustees you name would be able to access the account on your child's beahlf.

Either way, there is no need for your former partner to have access, either now or in the future.

You can also write (and regularly update) a latter of wishes, stating who you would like your child to live with in the event of your death, and why (e.g. if you feel that they would be best off living with your current partner , so they could stay in their familiar home, continue to live with their half-sibling(s) and with the person who has been a parental figure to them) Such a letter is not binding, but in the event of a dispute would make it easier for your partner to apply for an order for your child to live with them, in the event of a dispute.

onwards&upwards

Don’t allow yourself to be financially or emotionally abused by your ex partner.

How you manage your money and what you spend it on is absolutely none of his business!

I would have thought that if you died, then your child’s other parent would automatically take responsibility for their care? Nobody else would trump his right to become her main carer unless he was a risk to her.

maman

Are you saying that you control the account but show him the statement from time to time? Or does he have access to it himself? Either way stop,

Spendless

This sounds like an attitude I've come across before (from both men and women) where the non resident parent believes that any maintainance being paid isn't being spent on the child.

As said you ex is being controlling and also though he may be able to see a direct expense,eg nappies thereare others that are more difficult to work out, you will need a certain size house for example because there's the child theeand the ocation will need to be suitable for them. This may mean a larger mortgage than you'd have otherwise. Days out it's not just the entrance feee, if it's not somewhee adults go without kids then it's the entrance fee for whohas taken them, the food spent whilst there, the costofpetrol to get there and so on.

This is why you can't work out exactly what a child costs, beause so many incidentals are absorbed.

Malthusian

As others have said, stop showing your ex the statements, and speak to a solicitor about making a Will if you haven't already.

Banks will release funds to the executor without the need for probate if the balance is low enough, so in the event of your death, your executor - it would make sense for them to be the same person as the child's guardian - may be able to access the funds without going through the lengthy probate process. You could ring your bank and ask what the maximum balance is to release funds without grant of probate.

Do you have pensions or life insurance? These are not part of your estate and the pension / life company trustees would generally pay out the proceeds relatively quickly on your death.

Between those things it should be possible for the appointed trustees - which should be the guardian(s) - to access the child's money in order to meet their maintenance costs relatively quickly (i.e. a matter of weeks). In the meantime they would have to rely on their own resources.