Advice Needed 2 February at 10:18PM edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in MoneySaving Dads 6 replies 472 views

jeanlucb

I am an EU citizen for 22 years in the UK (late 40s). Married since 2011, dad to a 6-year-old boy. Not having a great relationship with the wife, we are holding it together it seems, at least I'm keeping the appearances up for my son. We bought our house against my best advice last December 2018.

I am self-employed, but business is a bit seasonal and slow at the moment, so much so that I cannot pay myself a salary. The wife is a teacher for 4 days a week. From January till June 2019, I took a full-time job to worry less about security and was paying my whole paycheck into the joint account for the mortgage, bills and food. And paying myself a salary from the business account.

However, now that the wife is working, she doesn't put her whole salary into the joint account and I have to put money from the business (about £400 PCM) for us to survive and when I do, I cannot pay myself a salary. So I become overdrawn. And she doesn't want to become overdrawn, hence why she doesn't put her whole paycheck into the joint account.

But at the moment, there's just about £500 in the business account, another month at this rate and we could bankrupt it. Yet, today, she dragged me to Wren Kitchens, with a view to buying a brand new kitchen (on 0% finance for 3 years), and we have to decide before next Wednesday at 10 pm (pressure sales of course!) - So a new kitchen would mean paying an extra £190 a month for 3 years.

I am telling her we cannot afford it, she tells me to shut up and stop shouting at her (I don't). But basically avoids confrontation. And blames me for not managing my money properly!? Crazy. I've told her we don't need another kitchen just yet, she seems to imply that will be the end of our marriage. Maybe I should just see how she manages alone.

Comms69

I think money would be better spent with relate or another marriage counselling service

lindens

If you go to the debt free section of the forum there is an SOA to fill in with your ingoings and outgoings. fill that in and show it to her to show her you cannot afford a new kitchen

jeanlucb

Lol. We tried that before. I am not sure there's much to do there.

Mojisola

jeanlucb wrote: »

Married since 2011

Not having a great relationship with the wife

We bought our house against my best advice last December 2018.

I took a full-time job to worry less about security and was paying my whole paycheck into the joint account for the mortgage, bills and food.

However, now that the wife is working, she doesn't put her whole salary into the joint account

I am telling her we cannot afford it, she tells me to shut up and stop shouting at her (I don't). But basically avoids confrontation. And blames me for not managing my money properly!?

This is not a good relationship. You are being bullied.

If your wife isn't prepared to go to couple counselling and make changes, I can't see any future for the marriage.

You don't have to sign up for any new expenditure - stand your ground.

You may find it helpful to get some support -
https://www.mensaid.co.uk/services.html
https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

lindens

Sounds like you've given up already. We can only make suggestions. Only you can actively make inroads into this problem.

Follow Mojisola's advice - please.

jeanlucb

I haven't given up yet, but the beginning of 2020 is a very trying period. A huge corporation tax bill was followed by a big tax return bill, which was followed by a massive car repair expense, I'm carrying the business alone, and the wife seems to think if there's money in the account, why not spend it. It doesn't work like that!