Discount Duck’s Quest For Mortgage Freedom

Baileys_Babe

tix-a-belle said: Re doing your kitchen there always seems to be nearly new kitchens coming up on fb marketplace i've found so if something nearly new/new to you would work it might save you a chunk

I have found out recently that you can hire teams to dismantle and deliver 2nd hand kitchens, which would be such a game changer for me.

DiscountDuck

Thanks you lot. I’ve dragged myself out of my funk a bit today and started planning nice things to make good memories for the kids and so I don’t get depressed. We’ve had a play at the park with my DS’ best friend and his mum this morning, and went for tea at my Aunty and uncle’s this evening. Tomorrow we’re doing an early morning dog walk with DD’s friend from down the road and her mum, before it gets too hot. I couldn’t believe how many people I’ve seen out walking their dogs today and it was 30 degrees here in Leicestershire. 

We are going to do the summer reading scheme at our local library, which reopens on Wednesday and we can’t wait. Books have been such a big expense in lockdown as I usually buy them from charity shops and car boot sales but that’s just not felt safe yet and even cheap off ebay they’re a couple of quid each. DS has been reading a book per couple of days, so it’s been pricey. We love the library. 

I’m going to invite uncle over for a coffee, he won’t help in the garden as it’s not his thing but he would probably come and sit in it for a catch up. He’d always come and give me a hand if I needed to move furniture or oil putting in the car etc, but gardening isn’t the joy for him that it is for me. 

On Wednesday we are planning on going fossil hunting with some friends, I’ve got a free identification app and am already quite excited for it. Hopefully it’ll be a bit cooler by then or it’ll be a short trip out! OH got me a geology hammer and some workman’s trousers and a pointy trowel for my birthday, awesome presents. 

We’ve also been checking out the Leicester Archaeology Festival which looks like it’s going to have some great displays and walking tours, either free or cheap. We are lucky to be in such a great city. The Cathedral is doing affordable family Fridays too with harp concerts etc at £6 so we’ll be seeing which of those we can fit in around their contact with my ex husband, who is taking his contact again lately. 

I’ve not heard from my brother, he’s gone into radio silence. I’m treating no news as good news, because you get called if someone’s dead. I love him, but he didn’t have it any rougher than I did and I don’t choose to behave that way, so he’s going to have to just get on with it and sort himself out. It sounds heartless but he’s not sinking me with him because he keeps choosing to stop swimming. 

It seems all the builders are booked up for the year anyway so I may well have plenty of time to make a decision about the kitchen. It didn’t occur to me that great tradesmen book months and months in advance, oops! 

Sapindus

You have so much to be proud of!  There are things you just can't control and it is bad for your mental health to expend energy worrying about them.  And then if there ever WAS something you could do to help your brother or uncle, you wouldn't be in a state to.  So be kind to yourself.  You're not being heartless or letting anyone down.  Sounds like you have already brought yourself round to realising that, but just wanted to post a bit of support in case you have a wobble!

DiscountDuck

Thanks @Sapindus I do wobble about it intermittently. 

Uncle has agreed that he’s going to let my OH have a bag of coffee jars that he can use to sort out nails and screws into in his shed. I’m a bit concerned that he says he’s never thrown away a plastic takeaway container since he’s moved in, but he might let me take some of those if I tell him I’ll use them for batch cooking. He’s a generous man with the little he has if he thinks someone has a use for it, but just won’t throw anything away. His newspaper collection would require a needy papier-mâché artist to be making an elephant, unfortunately. 

The kids and I put my birthday present from OH to great use. He got me some workman’s trousers with loads of pockets, a geology hammer, pointy trowel and bag. We went out to the countryside to an unused railway siding and had a whole day with the kids and my DS’ best mate and his mum, all fossil hunting. We found some amazing belemnites and bivalves, walked about 4 miles, and just made great memories. All for free. 

The garden is being super productive. I’ve got rhubarb and French beans galore at the moment. I’m making crumble bottoms and blanching and freezing for the winter. It sounds stupid but I’m always a bit worried that something awful and unexpected might happen and the fear of my kids going hungry makes me hoard freezable and tinned food ‘just in case’. So I do sympathise with my uncle, because if you’ve gone without before then the tendency to hoard in case it happens again is strong. Although god knows why he needs to hoard stuff that’s of no practical use. 

The Wildlife Trust has some really nice, free printable, spotter guides. DD is interested in different types of ladybirds at the moment so we are going to do a ladybird spotting walk with their identification sheet soon. They’re currently at their dad’s for the weekend because he’s taken his contact as his parents are there so it’s a Disney Dad showcasing opportunity for social media. He spends lots of money on plastic tat and lets them drink blue slushies, stay up as late as they like etc, all the stuff I don’t do. I comfort myself that he’s never been to a consultant appointment or parents evening and they’ll realise who tried harder when they’re older, so long as I’m nice about him in front of them.

I’m using the weekend to do tip runs and charity shop drop offs and all the stuff that’s harder with two kids helping. 

DiscountDuck

We had the most brilliant money saving day today! We went out to Wynondham Windmill just past Melton Mowbray. It’s free to go round and the car park is free too. There’s a kids play area, the windmill is really educational, plus there’s this nice woodland walk with a woven willow animal sculpture trail. We had three hours of lovely fun there with a friend and her kids. We took our own coffee and snacks and only spent £3 on a bag of stone milled flour and that was it. There wasn’t even an obligation to buy that, but the profits go into restoring the windmill and stone ground flour is incredible for baking - so I wanted to.

There’s a bit more room in the garage now I’ve done some charity shop runs, but a lot of it is waiting for a kid and rain free weekend so I can car boot it. It’s like a giant version of tetris, which I was never any good at!  I’m hopeful that once I’ve got space out there it’ll mean I can do craft projects in it and maybe learn a bit of woodwork and upholstery. 

We’ve started the Library summer reading scheme and this year it’s World Wildlife Federation themed, which is something both kids are really into. Our local library has been revamped since we last went (pre Covid) and although the kids’ section is smaller now, there’s more for kids who are slightly older. This suits us brilliantly. One of their homework challenges is to read a Carnegie medal winning book, and the library had a couple to choose from which were ok content wise for their age. The problem with having kids who read well above their age level is that I don’t want to expose them to subject matter that isn’t ok. I’m proud of my kids being sheltered and having a proper childhood and don’t want to have anything spoil that earlier than they need to grow up. The librarian was brilliant and found an old medal winner from before they tended to be about ‘hard subjects’ like many of the more recent winners. The themes can be a bit traumatic with some of them but this one is really sweet. 

I hope tomorrow is this good, it’s been a real pick me up having such a positive day. 

DiscountDuck

Things are on the up a bit lately. Brother is doing well in rehab and I’ve accepted that uncle is going to live in clutter and stuff I wouldn’t want but so long as he’s happy enough and not poorly then fine.

Today I’m picking and freezing French beans from the raised beds so we’ve got a lovely supply for winter. We have tons of cucumbers but I’m not so sure there’s any way of keeping those that the kids will eat as they don’t like pickles. For now we are sharing tons of surplus with neighbours and friends! I made a super tasty apple and tomato jam with our cherry tomatoes which I’ve been enjoying as a treat with cheese and crackers in the evenings. 

My mortgage renews in January but I can shift it to a new deal early in September. I think it’s a good idea to get a fixed rate again while things are still low. 

We went away in the camper for a week in Dorset and although it rained 5 days out of 7 for at least part of the day we had a great time. There was an Egyptian exhibition and we bought these fantastic little rulers with hieroglyph stencils and a translation poster and in the rain we all learned to write hieroglyphs! It was so cool. We found loads of tiny nuggets of sea glass and some bits of ammonite. We also went to the Etchings collection which was really affordable and great value. Their museum guide spent ages with the kids, he was so knowledgeable and engaging. Loads of beaches, learned about rocks, and so much more affordable than a package holiday.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to do a car boot sale to clear out all the kids’ outgrown stuff and raise a bit of money for their school uniform and our trips out fund. I’ve not done one in a while and am a bit anxious about it which is silly because it’s something I’ve done so many times before. It will be worth it to have the funds and I’ll take a nice herbal tea and some snacks to reward myself while I’m there! 

LadyWithAPlan

Just read your diary and in awe of all the plates you juggle.
Sorry re uncle and bro but it sounds like the wisdom you had re your ex. - About putting yourself and your kids first. - is slowly filtering into that.
We can't change others no matter how much we want to and you are a single mum doing brilliantly. 

DiscountDuck

Aw thanks @LadyWithAPlan that’s so kind of you. 

powerspowers

Sounds like you are having a good summer discount duck! Hope car boot went well, at least it was dry ish? 

DiscountDuck

Things are mixed lately. Uncle has had a big tidy and his flat looks decent now, which is reassuring. He had a coffee with me and OH at the weekend and it was lovely. He told us interesting stories about when my grandad was at work, and showed me his typewriter collection (none of the 13 work but that’s his next project) which he’s built shelves for.

My home ed research (that came back the largest Uni affiliated HE study in the UK so far 😱) is now published as open access on ResearchGate so that it can be cited and hopefully support a much stereotyped minority community to demonstrate their children being visible and no more at risk of harm than other kids. It was scary putting it up but I’m glad it’s done. 

I finally went into the bag of my late grandma’s sewing and craft stuff which was passed onto me and I didn’t want to open because then she’s really gone. I used some dark blue Aida fabric and metallic gold thread and made a blackwork shell picture which I’m really proud of, as a gift for OH. OH has really raised his game and takes turns to cook when he’s down here now, plus has organised his own house to be family friendly for the kids. I’m glad we worked things out and I like the new dynamic. It works well now so I hope it lasts.

Stupid brother got arrested. I don’t think he’s going to get deported home as it was a violence offence not drugs. The worry of what reckless thing he’s going to do next is not ideal. I keep telling myself his life is not my circus and he is not my monkey - but honestly he’s so stressful.  I try to support him but my PTSD has been playing up and I’m functioning on about 3 hours sleep a night, working and raising kids plus trying to help mum as much as I can. I’m worn a bit thin lately. 

The green homes grant people confirmed that the extension of my house is uninsulated cavity walls which is why it’s freezing in winter. However, because the main bit of the house has insulation it’s not covered under the scheme because it’s the entire property or none of it. That was disappointing and they’ve left a hole in my wall which is small but annoying and I can’t get an insulation company for love nor money to do the job because they all just want the green homes grant entire house work not a small extension for a few hundred quid. So we are probably going to be cold downstairs again this winter. 

The garden is still pretty productive. We are getting French beans, tomatoes and cucumbers daily plus a few peppers a week and some cabbage. The onions are looking great and are out laid on the ground to hopefully dry a bit so I can plait them. Our potatoes will keep us going for months. 

Swings and roundabouts eh?