Power of attorney conflict of interest

Justi

Thank you so very much, everyone. You have given me an enormous amount to think about.Dad has not got much money so inheritance/estate planning forms no part of my thinking; whatever happens he will not be leaving much if anything behind. He rents the flat from me below market rate and if I think about this too much I do get a bit upset that I am subsidising him while he is subsidising this lady. On the other hand even though everyone else can see it is blatant exploitation it does make him happier to have her in his life than he would otherwise be, so part of me thinks it's not really my business if he gives what little spare cash he has to her. I suppose I could put up his rent to make it feel less unjust to me but that seems a little harsh and I am fortunate that I don't need this extra money, at least for the time being. In the longer term I guess things will get easier as I am really not sure how much longer he will have capacity or be able to live independently.

It is really useful to hear that the LPA does not require the attorney to carry out every transaction requested by the donor. That may suggest a way forward by simply not supplying very much cash. But again that does seem a bit like imposing my will. Oh dear, what a minefield. I can see a visit to a lawyer coming on.

BooJewels

Have a read of the doc I linked higher up the page - there's a section in there about gifts, as elsien mentioned - actually just seen posted a direct link in post #30. That might give you some reassurance. There's also the option for your father to put some requirements in to the LPA if required - if he has strong wishes he'd want to you honour - but he'd be advised to take legal advice before making such stipulations.

I know exactly what you mean about dubious relationships. One of our older family members had a friend we didn't much like - we felt she took advantage a bit - nothing big, just always on the blag for her lunch or a brew and favours and not so quick to be available herself when needed. But they had a falling out recently and haven't spoken since and our family member is so lonely and miserable without this friend around, that I'd rather they made up. I'd forgive the one-sided relationship to see her happy again - she misses her so much, it would just about be worth it.

Life can get jolly complicated sometimes! I suspect perhaps more so when you care about others and want to do the right things. It's perhaps the perpetual peril of trying to be a decent person.

Justi

BooJewels wrote: »

I suspect perhaps more so when you care about others and want to do the right things. It's perhaps the perpetual peril of trying to be a decent person.

I know what you mean! It feels like damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either you collude in the exploitation or you turn into a prison guard. I guess the easy way out is either refuse the role or just do what the donor asks regardless of whether you feel it is right. The harder way to try and find some middle ground where you feel you are respectful of their wishes but not totally enabling a leech. My real worry is this 'relationship' will eventually end in tears when the money runs out and she disappears over the horizon leaving him lonely and poor - and me having to pick up the pieces. But that's the worst case; maybe it won't happen...

calicocat

Justi wrote: »

Thank you so very much, everyone. You have given me an enormous amount to think about.Dad has not got much money so inheritance/estate planning forms no part of my thinking; whatever happens he will not be leaving much if anything behind. He rents the flat from me below market rate and if I think about this too much I do get a bit upset that I am subsidising him while he is subsidising this lady. On the other hand even though everyone else can see it is blatant exploitation it does make him happier to have her in his life than he would otherwise be, so part of me thinks it's not really my business if he gives what little spare cash he has to her. I suppose I could put up his rent to make it feel less unjust to me but that seems a little harsh and I am fortunate that I don't need this extra money, at least for the time being. In the longer term I guess things will get easier as I am really not sure how much longer he will have capacity or be able to live independently.

It is really useful to hear that the LPA does not require the attorney to carry out every transaction requested by the donor. That may suggest a way forward by simply not supplying very much cash. But again that does seem a bit like imposing my will. Oh dear, what a minefield. I can see a visit to a lawyer coming on.

This is where it gets grey....what is seen to be right by many, versus what he thinks/ feels verses you.

However, if your Dad is happier with this person in his life and it isn’t really going to impact on his future care costs or any real finances later on to you in reality I think you are right in just letting this continue. If it’s making him happy, let it be.
Yes you are maybe letting him rent under the usual costs , but he is your Dad, he did same for you growing up as a child.

If things change financially, then re-think. But for now I would say just let it slide. You are not talking major sums of money it sounds, and whilst I understand it’s ruddy irritating to think he is being taken for a ride, if he’s happy with it , run with it would be my advice.

He is old, let him just to what he wants if it isn’t harming him.