Help Please

mr_z1000

I will try and include as much detail as is needed but i am at a brick wall!

Me and my ex have 4 young children youngest being 3, we have separated for 6 months but have both still been living in OUR house! I keep being told to leave for the kids sake as us living under the same roof is not ideal at all and I for one cant live like this anymore. I paid for us to go to mediation and she went to one initial induction than has refused to go to any more. We have about £100k equity in the house but she refuses to sell the family home because of the kids. I totally understand this and despite it stopping me moving on with some of the house sales money etc.. I understand that for the kids not to be moved its better. However this is where the problem lies. She refuses to get a part time job at least and contribute anything to the bills, this means I cant afford to move out and rent! I have offered to pay only the mortgage which is more than she would receive child maintenance. mortgage £700 per month child maintenance around £460. So I cant move out and be homeless but cant mentally live where I am in this situation?

How can I be expected to pay 2 households? its just not possible my bills for 1 household already take up 60% of wages than I need to eat, travel money for work takes up another 30%. So what do I do? I feel like paying the mortgage only and just leaving and renting somewhere.

we just about survived paying the one household on my wages. I tried a solicitor but he was just not very helpful and a waste of time and money. just said you need to negotiate and explain to my ex lol perhaps I just had a real crap solicitor but I cant afford to waste any more money.

Comms69

Well you aren't expected to cover two households, if you moved out she would claim benefits, which would cover most of the costs.

tacpot12

I would suggest that you should only pay half the cost of the mortgage, the other half is her responsibility. Note that this is a moral assertion not the legal position.

I would suggest that you calculate the benefits that she will be entitled to. I made a few assumptions and plugged these into the entitledto calculator (https://www.entitledto.co.uk). The figure I got was about £1600 per month!

Check the amount of child maintenance that the Child Maintenance Service would calculate (if the £460 you quoted is not from the CMS calculation).

With these benefits and £460 per month, your ex only needs you to pay half the mortgage. I would suggest that you also pay 25% of the cost of the Buildings & Contents insurance for the property so that you are paying half of the Buildings insurance. She has enough income to cover the council tax, utilities, insurance and half the mortgage.

It might help you to develop a budget for her, and show her that with the benefits and child maintenance she can afford to pay half the mortgage and still have a good life.

elsien

I've never fully understood the "can't move for the sake of the kids" thing. Yes it's upsetting when families split, and children need stability, but there can still be routine and consistency such as carrying on at the same school. There are many families who have to sell up and move because the status qui isn't affordable, and those where one parent ups sticks and takes the children with them.
You need to support your children to have a roof over their heads but it doesn't have to be the one they're under now.

Were you married, and if not were any agreements put in place about what would happen if you split up? Your ex. can't have it both ways. Does she expect to stay in the house indefinitely?