The Secret of Getting Ahead is Getting Started

Jox

katsu wrote: »

Can you maybe sit your hubby down with the budget and explain to him what your life costs etc?

I was thinking about your statement that he gives you money when he can but also spends money on himself in ways you seem to resent so maybe if he got committed to being part of the household finances he'd change his thinking?

Good luck in clearing your debts.

Thanks I have typed out all our expenses and debts and updated it monthly and shown him, he gives me £500 or £600 a month or some months he doesn't if he hasn't been working (though he still goes out a few times a week). He's outgoing and extrovert and I'm an introvert. We used to be a good team but perhaps since we had our son 6 years ago he's gone off the rails. He is on antidepressants and drinks, I've made other posts about our relationship and I think the end of the line is in sight...

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I think there are a few red flags here and while your situation is not the worst you have more than £13k of debt on top of a reasonably large mortgage and have a possible redundancy hanging over you. Getting your finances in better shape and maybe changing some of the dynamics around your friends/relations and money will help. You seem to be the lender of last resort and surely if you were to be made redundant your husband would need to step up and pay bills like a grown up rather than leave all that to you. Is £500 his contribution or his whole salary?

I would suggest you stop bailing out your husband and friends/family and concentrate on getting out of debt especially as your husband is not being committed. Most banks and building societies will not give mortgages if the deposit is borrowed which in your case it obviously was. This has placed a greater strain on your finances than it should. I also question why it is you alone who is repaying your husbands brothers.

Why did you not tell your husband and brothers how you paid them back so quickly? As the debt is now £13k and presumably was £20k you have done well to reduce it and obviously the debt has not occurred through overspending but by you shouldering the bulk of repaying the house deposit yourself on top of you using your savings and your old flat. What does your husband bring to the table?

Thanks I will probably be made redundant in the next few months and will look for another job, it would be great if my OH stepped up to pay all the bills but I don't have much faith in this so I need be in charge and financially stable. The deposit for our house came from the sale of my flat and the last £20k the brothers gifted us so we could get the house in the area we wanted, but I paid them back, I'm a worrier and wanted the house to be all ours and not his brothers'.

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

There is also no way I would split the equity with your husband if you should split on the following grounds.

Your old flat was used to provide the deposit topped up by the £20k debt you have been repaying alone to your husband's brothers and £18k you saved up (not your husband).

Your husband has not even been covering half the mortgage let alone the bills. I am quite indignant on your behalf. Does he pay half the childcare costs?

Thanks I had my flat for 12 years and he lived with me for about 10 and his brother did too and they both gave me money for bills, when we went to the solicitor she did give me the option of giving my husband a percentage if we sell the house (not sure of the terminology) but I said to split it equally as we have a child.

I know it looks bad, this year hasn't been the best (though I'm grateful for son, family, friends, health, job, home etc) but I'm making plans. Thanks all

savingholmes

The good news is that your debt is manageable and you have great equity if you needed it. Is there anything else you could sell to clear the debt quicker? Could you get your OH on board with that? The sooner the better if redundancy is looming. Perhaps you need to lay that message on thicker at home anyway...

EchoB

Good luck with your journey, well done with the £500 payment to Santander

Franalamadingdong

Just popped in to wish you all the best. Don't let anyone treat you like a doormat, you're worth more than the money you spend on/lend to people.

Also, kids don't pester when, instead of saying no, you sing no. I just get louder and more exuberant if my son tries it on. He's embarrassed and shuts up pretty pronto. My boyfriend is terrible for giving him money or buying him this or that though, so I do have to remind him that it isn't necessary.

I'd find the unequal balance in your relationship difficult to handle. He needs to pull his head out of his !!!! to put it bluntly. I'm on anti depressants, but I don't expect someone else to fund my lifestyle. And if he can't make his self employed business bring in a real income then he needs to get an employed job.

Jox

Thanks Fran, great advice, lots for me to work on in the new year

ILAWG

Dropping by to say hello. I have a lot of similarities to you, redundancy looming (maybe), husband (now ex) not so good with money and me, trying to keep everything going. I would finish my office job and then go onto a cleaning job, did that for years as ex wasn't working.
Now I'm trying to make my way through the mess.
Good luck to you, stay strong and keep your goals in sight.
I will keep reading

Jox

Thanks ILAWG, similarities there! Me and OH are basically just living under the same roof at this point, it'll be up to me to do something about this situation.

The new year is here, son is back to school on Tuesday, bought his sandwich stuff today, he won't eat school dinners which is a shame as it's free for another 2 years, he's a picky eater.

Here's an update on the debts:

Santander credit card [STRIKE]£3400[/STRIKE] £2797

Sainsbury's credit card [STRIKE]£2279.81[/STRIKE] £2228

MBNA credit card £3917.70

Barclaycard [STRIKE]£4210.31[/STRIKE] £4115.58

Mortgage £218,160

Son's birthday this coming week, have ordered a birthday cake for him and his cousin who has the same birthday, and a small present for son after the excesses of Christmas.

Need to get a gift for his cousin too. I only have 1 child but there's lots of kids in the family so all the birthdays and xmas are costly.

I'm sure they'd be happier with a cardboard box to play with!

Jox

Bit of a spendy day, bought some clothes for niece's birthday (she'll be 5 and has plenty of toys) and a top and shoes for my son's birthday. They share the same birthday tomorrow and we'll have a joint family party for them. The shoes were from Clarks, originally £25 reduced to £16 but were £11 when I went to pay for them!

Bought myself a dress in River Island, was £15 in the sale and reduced to £10 when I got to the till, lucky again!

Took some of my son's baby things to a charity shop but ended up spending £6 on books and cds for my son's birthday there.

Got 2 helium balloons for the kids birthdays tomorrow and wrapping paper. Money is spent very easily!

OH annoyed me asking if I had bought enough for niece's b'day (it's his brother's daughter), yes I have bought enough thank you!

It's just down to me to make b'days and xmas special for the kids in our family, if I wasn't so generous and thoughtful I'd have more money in the bank, but I like to give and make the kids happy.

Franalamadingdong

How annoying of your OH. We're quite good in my family and don't go crazy for kids, we know they get something from everyone.
Sounds like you've had a good day re bargains. Wish I could buy my boy shoes so cheaply!

Jox

Thanks Fran, I live in north London and haven't been to the sales at all until today and was quite pleasantly surprised! I did want a pair of school shoes for my son in Clarks, reduced to £16 from £38 but the assistant couldn't find the other shoe out the back so I didn't get them obviously