Angry Bitter Husband

BrassicWoman

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

I am going to give a quick update I and my son have moved to my mums to give us some space and time for reflection thank you for all your helpful advice x

I hope this gives you some temporary calm and useful thinking time. x

Skiddaw1

Good call, OP. Good luck to you both. And thanks for keeping us updated.

TBagpuss

good call. Hipefully it will give you some tim to take stock.

Longer term, I think one thing to remind yourself of is that you cannot make him change. You can't stop him drinking, you can't stop him eating too much or the wrong things, you can't make him follow medical advice, all you can do is support and encourage him, IF he decides that he wants to change. You also can't change his behaviour to you.

And then for yourself, you get to decide whether you are wiling to stay with him , if he is not going to change.

Assume that he won't. Assume that he is going to carry on being angry and verbally abusive towards you, assume that he is going to carry on drinking too much, and eating things which will harm his health. Ask youself whether, in that case, you want to stay with him.

Once you have decided, and if you decide that the answer is 'no', then ask yourself whether you want to / are prepared to give him another chance to change. If you decide that you can't, that is OK, it sounds as though you have already made a huge effort and he has chosen not to do the same.

If you decide that you do want to, then tell him. Be very clear about the changes you need to see, and the timescale he has to make them, if he wants the two of you to continue in a relationship. Be clear that you are will ing to help him if he wants to make changes, but that it is his last chance, and that you will not stay with him if he cannot control his anger and stop taking it out on yourr your son.

and then follow through. Talk to a solicitor now, tofind out where you stand if you do decide it is over, what you can do short term to protect your own interests, and that way you are much better informed if and when you do decide that enough is enough.

So far as your daughter is concerened, perhaps have one conversation with her, explain that you are struggling to cope with the level of abuse that he is subjecting you to, and that you can't go on like this. Let her know that you have ben very supportive with him in trying to deal with his diabetes, and that you have tried to talk to him about the other issues to try to work things out, but tht it hasn't ben possible. And then let it drop. If she wants to belive that he is not like that, you are not going to convinve her, she will have to see for herself.

Barney_Rubble_0403

Very good move. Your daughter will appreciate having her mum back as well in a nice calm environment. Good advice from TBagpuss.

janb5

I am so pleased and relieved to see your post and so glad you are in a ` safe place`. Excellent advice from the other posters and hopefully you know you`re not alone.

All of this must seem very overwhelming but it will get better!