An absolute financial nightmare, I can't believe it

jodenice

Over five years ago I made myself bankrupt (I had all the debts in my name even though a lot of them were actually my boyfriends and I was able to clear us completely) and although it was very hard, I have never felt such a sense of relief when it was done. I had seriously considered suicide so you can imagine the weight that lifted from my shoulders in even facing the problem.

We now have a mortgage and our own house and I was so happy, I couldn't believe I'd got through it.

I did notice that my boyfriend did still have occasional credit cards etc but they didn't seem too much. But this started to grow, I kept finding DVDs and items he had bought himself that I knew nothing about. He's been getting moodier and moodier and after a little while I had to tell him that he either had to leave or see a doctor. He saw the doctors who diagnosed him with severe depression and he's now on medication and seems much better.

~BUT - all this time he's had depression he's been spending. Spending on cards, getting loans, spunking our cash whenever he's had the opportunity. Sneakily getting new cards. He now owes about £26,000 (nearly as much as when I went bankrupt) and we are having real trouble meeting the monthly payments. We are spending over £800 per month paying back CCs, loans, the car etc. Most of the stuff he bought isn't worth that much (though we will be selling it anyway).

I really really don't want to lose the house. I know I'll never get another one. I feel quite violent about all of this and I can now see that my boyfriends spending habits are out of control and that it wasn't all me before and that we should have addressed his problem as well as mine.

I have contacted CCCS. Our two year mortgage deal is up in September 08.

What are my options? I can't believe this is happening again.

Broken_hearted

Hugs it sounds like he is and was the problem. contacting CCCs was a good idea as they will be able to advise you.

Karmacat

Hello Jodenice

Sorry to hear the situation is so bad again. I really don't know anything about this level of problem, I'm afraid, so just posting a quick note to give you a virtual hug, and a bump right back to the top, hope somebody else will be able to advise. All the best

Richard_S

Hi jodenice,

There are several options open to your boyfriend but before you take any specific course of action you need to be sure of any likely impacts on yourself and the house. Does the property have much equity in it? If not, the house is probably not at risk in the short term, but if there's a reasonable amount then you need to act reasonably quickly before his debts start getting sold to Debt Collection Agencies, and the prospect of charging orders being raised.

There's always the chance that your boyfriend could contact his creditors individually and offer them token payments until such time as you can decide what course of action is best for you to take.

On the plus side £26k isn't a huge amount and with some careful planning you shouldn't have too much difficulty keeping your house.

Regards

Richard

jodenice

He's still very defensive about it but he has admitted that when he was down he was buying things, ridiculous things (a £1200 watch!, collectors items, Music, a tv) and just either hiding them (and the statments) or displaying the TV and telling me it was much much less. He says it was to make him feel better, which it did, momentarily before the lying and deceit threw him back down again.

I've only found out by being a horrible snoopy person (I had a growing sense of unease and suspicion) and when I found out I just burst into tears.

Since he's been on medication all the spending has stopped but the damage is done now. I feel slightly hystericall. All those lies.

I can't even tell anyone, all my family were SO disappointed in me anyway the first time round, they'll disown my boyf if they've found out what he's done. I'm just drowning in his repayments and I'm really resenting it - and he knows I resent it and he feels guilty,... its like a vicious circle..

Broken_hearted

It is a lot to most people what you mean is its a manageable amount for them. Moreover it's frightening for her as it reminds her of her BR for a similar amount.

Broken_hearted

Could you post a SOA so we can see if we can help.

floss2

Is he working or off sick? Can he get a 2nd job to start repaying the debts?
Can you sell the car & buy something cheaper as a runaround? Have you sat him down in front of the PC & got him listing all his purchases on Ebay? Set up the Paypal account to transfer into an account in your name, so you can pay money straight off the debts.

:grouphug:

Love Floss xx

jodenice

richard, we have only had our flat since April, its worth £134K but I got a deposit together and paid £127K for it.

Its only this month that we are going to have difficulties, up until now we have had our head above water - just - and only one payment has been missed on a CC, which we quickly repaid - but repaying that has left us short for the next one... and so it all begins....this is how my house of cards fell down last time.

My boyf is worried about our rates for a mortgage the next time around. I can't help thinking if we don't get this sorted fast we're not going to be able to get a mortgage false stop.

Richard_S

Hi jodenice,

You've got every right to feel deceived and let down by your boyfriend, but if he's not in a mental state to confront his debts then you're going to have to be strong for both of your sakes. It's not going to help the situation by resenting what's happened; you're obviously a very resillient person having survived your own financial problems.

If paying the debts is what's causing the biggest problem at the moment, then contact one of the Debt Charities and see what they suggest for your boyfriend. He may be eligible for a DMP that should be set at a level that'll allow you a decent standard of living.

I think it's important that what you focus on now, is how you can address the problem as a couple, as opposed to apportioning blame (which you have every right to do) that will only serve to make a bad situation intolerable.

As for your family there really isn't much you can do about their attitude apart from explain the situation, if you feel you should, and then hope that they are mature enough to accept your boyfriend for all his good and bad points.

Richard

Richard_S

Broken_hearted wrote: »

It is a lot to most people what you mean is its a manageable amount for them. Moreover it's frightening for her as it reminds her of her BR for a similar amount.

Thanks Broken hearted,:A

It's not difficult to get the emphasis wrong when you're in a busy office.:rolleyes: :rolleyes: