Advice on this proposed financial split following divorce please!

HR4_88

Me and my partner are getting divorced and trying to sort the split of finances. We cannot afford solicitors / go legal so we are trying to do it amicably. The finances and childcare will be legalised eventually but I feel though that I am being taken advantage of with the proposed split and I would appreciate some advice:

- I am 38, they are 34, married for 5 years
- One daughter age 4, agreed to have joint residency (custody)
- Divorce due to adultery on their part
- Quite a large disparity in income, I earn around 3 x what they do.
- Finances currently are pooled due to the disparity in income, but their salary for example doesn't even cover the mortgage
- One property, with equity circa £100k after debts cleared. I cannot afford to buy their half.
- We have pensions (mine a lot larger than theirs) ,but no other savings/assets.

- The proposal as it stands is:
o 70% / 30% split in equity in their favour so they can afford to purchase another property nearby with the mortgage top up they can get with their income
o £350 a month for childcare to my partner (even though we have joint custody)
o Plus they want me to pay half of childcare before and after schools clubs, holiday clubs, extra curricular clubs etc.
o No spousal maintenance to pay
o Pension pots untouched.

If I try and reason further, in a calm and professional manner, I get substantial verbal abuse. Furthermore, they threaten to go legal and go for sole custody of our daughter, as well as spousal maintenance and half my pension. I feel I am being blackmailed but I do want to keep it amicable.

I cannot afford legal advice, nor can we afford solicitors. It's not an option.

Advice gratefully appreciated!!

Comms69

I'm not sure if you can afford to NOT have a solicitor. But in anycase, I would definitely spend £200 for an hour with one to go through the split.

gettingtheresometime

So what do you propose?

Accountant_Kerry

HR4_88 wrote: »

Me and my partner are getting divorced and trying to sort the split of finances. We cannot afford solicitors / go legal so we are trying to do it amicably. The finances and childcare will be legalised eventually but I feel though that I am being taken advantage of with the proposed split and I would appreciate some advice:

- I am 38, they are 34, married for 5 years
- One daughter age 4, agreed to have joint residency (custody)
- Divorce due to adultery on their part - not relevant
- Quite a large disparity in income, I earn around 3 x what they do.
- Finances currently are pooled due to the disparity in income, but their salary for example doesn't even cover the mortgage
- One property, with equity circa £100k after debts cleared. I cannot afford to buy their half.
- We have pensions (mine a lot larger than theirs) ,but no other savings/assets.

- The proposal as it stands is:
o 70% / 30% split in equity in their favour so they can afford to purchase another property nearby with the mortgage top up they can get with their income
o £350 a month for childcare to my partner (even though we have joint custody)
o Plus they want me to pay half of childcare before and after schools clubs, holiday clubs, extra curricular clubs etc.
o No spousal maintenance to pay
o Pension pots untouched. - it really depends how much these are worth before you can say if the split is fair

If I try and reason further, in a calm and professional manner, I get substantial verbal abuse. Furthermore, they threaten to go legal and go for sole custody of our daughter, as well as spousal maintenance and half my pension. I feel I am being blackmailed but I do want to keep it amicable.

I cannot afford legal advice, nor can we afford solicitors. It's not an option.

Advice gratefully appreciated!!

You are prime candidates for mediation. But you need to lay out all the details and the numbers including pensions first, the starting point overall is 50/50 but how you then arrange that is up to you

kangoora

I agree you should get some professional advice, for what it's worth here's my opinion. I'm presuming by joint custody you will have the child 50% of the time, e.g. 1 week in 2. Also, if 50/50 custody then CMS payments are not paid, as I understand it - someone will correct me if I'm wrong I'm sure.

• 70/30% equity split if your pension is to be untouched seems fair enough - are you gaining on your pension? i.e is your pot >£60k of which she could ask for half, bearing in mind her pot also?
• If you have joint custody then 50% for extra curricular activities seems fair, presumably the child will be enjoying those regardless of who is looking after them that week.
• Spousal maintenance is rarely given but not completely unheard of.

The elephant in the room is the £350/month for childcare.

In the interest of avoiding sole custody fights etc then I'd consider paying this (if affordable short term) but limit it to a certain age when full-time childcare is no longer relevant, so a couple of years of pain before she is at school full-time. Potential to add a sweetener of £50-£100/month from age 6 until age 12 maybe (if neccessary)? If she wants £350/month until 18 then she is taking the p*** and I'm not sure where you go from there.

You could object and 'fight your corner' but if it then goes legal/sole custody fights you will probably end up spending a lot more than 24 x 350 (8.4k) on legal fees plus, if you lose custody, end up paying CMS payments for the next 14 years which I guarantee will be a lot more than £8.4k especially if you are on a good salary.

Make sure everything is properly documented and signed off/agreed so this can't be contested later.

Not a nice position to be in, I hope you can work something out.

unholyangel

The equity split isn't necessarily unfair. They have lower earning (and therefore mortgage) potential so a bigger deposit could help them secure a sole mortgage. Especially if splitting your pension pots would lose you more than 20k, it may actually be of benefit to you.

The one thing that stands out is the childcare. Is this £350 to cover just when your child is with their other parent or is it going to also cover your time with your child? The clubs aren't really mandatory but many separated couples agree to split these costs between them, to benefit their child.

kazwookie

Go and get legal advise, stop messing around.


Get it sorted legally, once and for all, just ignore all threats.

BAFE

Not enough information given. How much do you both earn, and how much are your pensions worth?

Marvel1

HR4_88 wrote: »

- Divorce due to adultery on their part

If I try and reason further, in a calm and professional manner, I get substantial verbal abuse. Furthermore, they threaten to go legal and go for sole custody of our daughter, as well as spousal maintenance and half my pension. I feel I am being blackmailed but I do want to keep it amicable.

I cannot afford legal advice, nor can we afford solicitors. It's not an option.

Based on this, you need legal advice.

phoenix1837

I agree with others, you need to get legal advice, I don't think this will go at all well.

Also, any child maintenance arranged in the financial order will only be valid for a year from the date of issue, so should you get stuck with this (when you do not have to pay it being 50/50) then it will only be for a year. Your soon to be ex may not realise this so keep it under your hat!

unholyangel

phoenix1837 wrote: »

I agree with others, you need to get legal advice, I don't think this will go at all well.

Also, any child maintenance arranged in the financial order will only be valid for a year from the date of issue, so should you get stuck with this (when you do not have to pay it being 50/50) then it will only be for a year. Your soon to be ex may not realise this so keep it under your hat!

Its not that its only valid for 12 months, its that either party can "opt out" after 12 months by referring it to the CMS for them to assess liability. That can work for or against you, depending on circumstance.