Partner never wants to go out

DeeDee99_2

I've been with my partner a very long time and I'm so happy and very much in love with him. One thing is bugging me though, he never wants to go out anywhere with me, I make a suggestion and he just shrugs it off. One thing I do want to make clear though is that I'm more than happy to stay home and watch TV or a movie with him, we actually enjoy it a lot, I just need a change of scenery once in a while and I'd like him to join me.

It's not like we go out all the time either and spend loads of money, it's a couple of times a year if at all. It'd just be nice to get out of the house a night every couple of months or something for a meal or go into town. I don't have very many friends in my town and a lot of them live a long way away (as in 80-100 miles away) so I can't just pop round to theirs and see them or go out for a few drinks with them.

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong and it always comes down to his decision, I can't go out alone. I make so many good suggestions and it's come to the point if someone tells me about something happening in town I don't bother suggesting it to him anymore. Is it me?

lynzpower

Well a bit of it is you I guess

You say you have freinds away, can you not go and visit them on your own? Take a coach or something if you dont drive?

I know youd like him to join you but if he genuinely doesnt want to , you have to live your life. You never know he might feel like hes missing out and gets a bit more lively.

Could you not just book a table at a resturaunt you want to go to and say "im taking you out on a date tonight, its not optional!" and just do it??

DeeDee99_2

I do travel to see my friends sometimes but I have so many friends who have never even met him, not even once. I find it so sad that he's just not interested in the rest of my life yet I make a massive effort to get to know others in his lfe, why can't he reciprocate that?

If I just booked somewhere he would go mad at me, he's very stubborn. I don't know what to do

angchris

how about booking up a college evening course of your interest to give you a bit of quality time in adult company once a week, at least it will get you out of the house and give you a change of scenery. its good to each have your own interests it gives you something to talk about when cuddled on the sofa.

lynzpower

DeeDee99 wrote: »

I do travel to see my friends sometimes but I have so many friends who have never even met him, not even once. I find it so sad that he's just not interested in the rest of my life yet I make a massive effort to get to know others in his lfe, why can't he reciprocate that?

If I just booked somewhere he would go mad at me, he's very stubborn. I don't know what to do

Does he not care how bad this makes you feel ?

this is the most important thing to me I think.

larmy16

Does he go out on his own? I mean to things like football, the pub with friends etc?

I only ask because my ex husband hated going any where with me and work colleagues etc. If he did agree to go, he would throw a massive tantrum and then have me in tears so I didnt want to go either!!!

Yet he loved going out with his mates :mad:. Hope you can sort this out. I do agree with following your own pursuits, but I dont think going out for a meal every now and again is unreasonable.

basilcat7

It was like this with my ex boyfriend, we were together 5 years and living together. We moved from london to where I am from (Northampton) and he was from up north, I had a lot of friends there and we started going out with them so he could meet people too (friends boyfriends etc).

After a time, he lost all interest in meeting people, going out with my friends and even seeing my family and I used to have to persuade him to come out by a bit of bribery- if we go there I'll do this etc etc (not rude !)

I love going out and being with different people but he said he wanted his own friends- not mine- but never made the effort to meet anyone !

I got really frustrated and in the end we split up although there were other reasons too. I felt like I was holding a lot of myself back by staying in all of the time.

When we split up I was out all of the time !!!! (and spent far too much money but it was a phase I look back at with fondness)

Now I'm with my new ish partner and we're not out all the time but its a happy medium. Looking back I wish I would have gone out with my friends on my own and not always looked at it to go out together.

I see a lot of my friends now and am a lot happier and more independant. Could you go and stay with your friend who lives further away and have a girlie night and stay over instead of driving back??

DeeDee99_2

Thanks guys for all of your advice. I think I'm going to need to sit down and have a proper talk with him tonight. Normally I get too upset to carry it on after he says no but I think it's time I stood my ground and make him understand how upset it makes me feel, it makes me feel so awful and that he just doesn't care.

Hmmm I'll let you all know in the morning...

Stargirl12

For a long time I would think of any excuse not to go out with my OH and to stay in and watch telly/film instead.

This had absolutely nothing to do with my OH but with my self confidence...

...could it be an issue with your OH that's making him not want to go out, either with or without you?

LouBlue

DeeDee99 wrote: »

Thanks guys for all of your advice. I think I'm going to need to sit down and have a proper talk with him tonight. Normally I get too upset to carry it on after he says no but I think it's time I stood my ground and make him understand how upset it makes me feel, it makes me feel so awful and that he just doesn't care.

Hmmm I'll let you all know in the morning...

Good luck. Relationships are all about compromise. Yes, you shouldn't make him go out if he doesn't want to, but he should at least try and go out occasionally with you. After all, he wants to make you happy, doesn't he?

bulchy

Stargirl12 wrote: »

For a long time I would think of any excuse not to go out with my OH and to stay in and watch telly/film instead.

This had absolutely nothing to do with my OH but with my self confidence...

...could it be an issue with your OH that's making him not want to go out, either with or without you?

I was thinking along these lines too.
Sue