friend in need , headache

bestpud

This is a difficult one as I can see you won't find it easy to be upfront with her.

However, you have your own life to live and your own family to consider. None of us can be responsible for another adults actions, however much we may like to think we can help them.

If she is a true friend then she will understand why you don't feel able to go shopping with her so tell her you can understand how desperate she must be and you will support her if she takes the difficult step towards sorting her life out. Say you will try and make it less firghtening for her by being there and listening, but that you realise giving her money and condoning her shoplifting is not helping her.

If she doesn't accept your offer of support, without the cash benefits, then I'm afraid you will just have to let her go.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to babysit (for now at least) but you are best situated to make that decision obviously.

Good luck and whatever happens, remember there are plenty of people out there who will value your kindness and good nature, and be a good friend to you. You don't need to take on people who only see a one way street.

Best wishes

Bestpud

pinkshoes

It's very difficult to have sympathy for someone who claims they can't afford things for their baby, and yet drinks and smokes, or lives with someone who spends all their money on alcohol.

Could you not go out for a very cheap cup of tea instead of shopping, and explain to her that she needs to put the welfare of her child first, and if she's living with someone who is spending the child benefit on alcohol, then this is obviously not in the best interest of the child, and she'd be better off on her own. I understand she obviously loves this guy, but I'm sure she also loves her child very much too, and she needs to do what's necessary to provide for her child.

Js_Other_Half

Who is the DLA for? And why do they get it? Yes, IS is not generous, but if someone in the family is getting DLA then they also get more IS.

Really, I am with most of the others here - disengage yourself for a while whilst offering to support her other ways. By lending her money you are really enabling her to stay as she is...

Carmina_Piranha_3

i've been on IS and never needed to steal. DLA is even more, i'm not suggesting that she is rich but she should not NEED to steal. she's doing it because her spending priorities are wrong, and no amount of money from you will sort that out in the long term.

she probably needs a friend but i would try to do it without having money involved.

ceridwen

Stephb1986 wrote: »

she might go snooping round your house and nick things i wouldnt want to take the risk she wont help herself so you shouldnt your too nice!

my thoughts precisely! She wont regard you as ringfenced and not to thieve from just because you are a friend. Do you really want to be friends with a thief? - it does feel rather like condoning it..that you know she steals, but stay friends with her. Let birds of a feather stick together - but you fly off in quite a different direction! (hmmmm... practical thought... you havent given her a key to your house have you? If so - change the locks pronto).

Jet

There are lots and lots of people on benefits who don't shop lift. People prioritise their money and if they are sensible they give up luxuries like booze and fags!

There are ways of surviving on benefits and helping yourself - shop lifting is inexcusable in my book.

I would cut her off as a friend.