Abusive relationships and moving on!!

[Deleted User]

I'd put gender too, any associations with the word sex is very unpleasant for me.

OP I am female but empathise a lot. Split up with an abusive partner gradually over years. As I got more distanced I could see more, but still have questions in my head as to how far I was to blame. My older son is very angry with me.., and is now in his own controlling relationship (with him being controlled - almost exactly what was described earlier as far as loyalty is concerned) which is very difficult to watch - but I am helping him see what's happening.

Particularly the last year has been very difficult. I have MH problems and will never have another relationship - two bites of the cherry is enough. I suspect I just would never be able to deal with 'normal' and know no one will want me. I'm a bit too odd. Not coming from my exes, its just who I am. My older sons father died recently, he went on to a successful reasonably happy relationship. So how come with me he was a liar, stole money, manipulated, lay on the sofa most of the day no matter how exhausted I was? Raises lots of questions. I hope this never happens to anyone else.

But that is my choice, I know lots of people do go on to happy relationships after an abusive one. But I think a person does need to do some head work with a counsellor/support worker.