Crawley, Haywards Heath, Horsham

MysteryMe

It sounds you are under no threat and the disturbances, whilst understandably concerning are infrequent. The neighbours have apologised. I'm afraid it is a fact of life that domestic disputes can occur and sometimes the police do attend.

I would stay put if you like the house and it works for you. Perhaps you can see what the options are for improving sound insulation or move bedrooms?

If your child sees you petrified it will be upsetting and frightening for them so I do think you need to try and over come your reactions as best you can.

nade123

Unfortunately all our bedrooms are 'attached' to theirs (its a townhouse)


My child is quite oblivious to it right now as she sleeps much deeper and I try my best not to show anything.


Considered Sound insulation, however, were told that there is no way we can get rid of the impact noise and also the cost of it would be high £20k so cant take the risk.

hazyjo

nade123 wrote: »

Unfortunately all our bedrooms are 'attached' to theirs (its a townhouse)

If it's a townhouse, then are bedrooms over 2+ floors? I appreciate you might mean it's not detached, but presumably they only sleep in one bedroom. That's the one you need to avoid - not all their bedrooms. Try to move to another room where you could put your bedhead against the wall not adjoining theirs.


(You may mean townhouse as in 'house in the centre of town', although the common interpretation of a townhouse would be 3+ storeys.)

nade123

Yes it is a 3 storey house.


All 3 bedrooms are occupied as they have lodgers and our bedrooms are also occupied so that wouldn't work.


Even if it was an option you can hear the impact noise everywhere not just in our bedroom unfortunately

need_an_answer

I've read this thread with interest,and a couple of times I've tried to form a response but the phrases haven't always come out how they would be best interpreted.

OP I do understand your situation,it really isn't good to be woken by neighbours in the full throws of a domestic situation.I live in an attached house and in the past we had a set of neighbours who in the end split up but we did indeed take the full force of their marital breakdown and tantrums in the 6 months prior to them leaving.
Its not pleasant and I get your worry...however in my experience the anger that you hear isn't directed at you and as such you should feel safe in your own home...I doubt very much that either of your neighbours actually want you to be hurt or offended by their outbursts and are probably reasonably embarrassed that you are witnessing the outbursts as they happen.

You mention in one of your posts that they did apologise to you for the noise,which I think you should commend,its not often that real anti social neighbours will even admit they make noise let alone say sorry for it.

If you do look at the route of moving,thats a big upheaval for you and one that may not even guarantee you the type of neighbours you want/need...unless you are prepared to move to a detached property with plenty of space between you and the next dwelling.
Simply by choosing a more upmarket area wont protect you from at least some neighbour noise if you have them.

I'm a reasonably passive person but myself my OH and even my children have been known to raise our voices on occasion and I'm sure possibly invaded the neighbours "quiet enjoyment of their property"...arguments and raise voices happen I'm afraid.

Even ploughing much more money into a new property in a different area for you has to lead me to ask you the question how are you going to vet any potential neighbours during your purchase?
Even if you meet them when viewing thy are likely to be on their best behavior and polite to you...I simply cant see how by moving your situation is going to change dramatically.

I hope I haven't offended you with my thoughts but I'm not convinced that you are looking at the whole picture with an objective view at the moment,and you need to consider that you could end up moving and being in a similar position albeit in a new area and property.

nade123

Need an answer


You have no idea how much I need responses like yours.


I am much better now (sleeping at least and not waking up to any smallest noise), however, the first few days after that night were horrendous for me and until now I do not understand why I reacted to all this the way I reacted.


We were only looking at detached properties but I realised that I do not want to leave our place, first house, our other neighbours which are lovely and my daughters friends.


I do get attached to places and people and us moving( running away) would be another stab in my heart and my family.


they were very apologetic and embarrassed and avoiding us right now.


I need to try and be strong and not let things like this affect me like this.


Thank you for taking time in responding and reassuring me. that really helps.

hazyjo

nade123 wrote: »

I am much better now (sleeping at least and not waking up to any smallest noise), however, the first few days after that night were horrendous for me and until now I do not understand why I reacted to all this the way I reacted.

You may have ended up hating a new house for the reasons you would have left the one you love.


It just sounds like you have anxiety. Sometimes things get blown out of proportion in our mind when they're all-consuming. My OH is bipolar so I'm pretty used to handling what I can see is either anxiety, an overreaction, or an impulsive one. Things do usually look better in the morning, or a week later. I hope you have someone who calms you


White noise can help when lying quiet in the dark. Even the noise of a fan helps (so I'm finding! I'm using mine a lot and managing to sleep much easier!).

Bossypants

Based on what you describe, it sounds like you might benefit from something like Cognetive Behavioral Therapy, to help retrain your brain and thought patterns around the things which are worrying you and keeping you from being comfortable in your home. Otherwise, you will likely just end up taking it with you, no matter where you live. You can get A LOT of therapy for the cost of moving.

nade123

Im seeing a counsellor and yes she also is trying to find another reason behind it.

Could be that I’m just over stressed, not relaxed, or even depressed although I didn’t feel any of it before it happened.

But yes I do agree with the fact that if I was to move right now I would probably not like the new place so that’s the reason why I’m trying to stay here, recover and rebuild my happy bubble.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Could it be anxiety that only shows at certain situations in life? I’ve been reading a lot but was told it’s best not to as I can diagnose myself with too many things.

Thank you x

MysteryMe

Your posts have been much more positive even within a few days. I think you are doing the right thing speaking to a professional. That's a huge step for people to take and another positive sign OP.