Help!!

advice_needed_urgently

I really need some advice on how to handle a situation I have got myself into.

I recently met a guy and was seeing him for a few weeks, unknown to me this man lived with his partner and child, when I found out things ended but he has recently got in contact and I stupidly agreed to meet him for a drink.

Now he is saying he wants to leave his partner for me but I dont think i want him, in fact I know I dont want him - i was quite happy seeing him but never viewed him as a potential husband or anything, now though Im scared that I wont have the guts to tell him this and he will end up leaving her for no reason, I feel that because he is considering doing something so huge that I will just get swept along with it knowing its not what I want - he wants to meet me to talk about it (and if im honest im flattered that anybody would even consider doing it for me)

Another part of me thinks that is he was prepared to cheat on her and now possibly split up then it was probably going to happen anyway, i dont think ive done anything to encourage this (although i know meeting him was wrong but I did think it would stop the whole thing if i said I wasnt prepared to have an affair, then he would realise there was no future but it has backfired on me bigtime)

How do I tell him, I dont want to hurt his feelings and admit Im not bothered about him atall but i can see myself being with him through guilt rather than choice.

Please help me, i know what i have to do but just dont know how to do it

emjem_3

Remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible. You realise that you made a mistake meeting up for a drink - explain that it will never happen again and that you do not want any further contact.

Why should you be scared telling him it's 100% over? He lied! He has a partner and a child. Tell him it's not up for discussion -it's over...and then run...very quickly. You are worried about hurting his feelings? A man who has lied to you?

I would act sooner rather than later!

bloomin_freezing

My personal opinion is this....

now you know that he has a family if you egg him on you nothing but a home wrecker, think of his poor wife and innocent child. if that isn't enough to make you see sense i don't know what will, and I guess you're just incredibly selfish. I know this sounds harsh but as i said its my opinion as a whole and not my personal opinion of YOU, just the situation.

don't worry about hurting his feelings, you didn't know about his home life. he clearly doesn't care about the feelings of his family so don't spare his.

advice_needed_urgently

dont worry BF, that would be my opinion too if i wasnt stuck in this stupid situation, like I say I know exactly what i need to do but I just feel im being backed into a corner - im sitting here now planning what to say but what the hell im going to do when it comes to it i dont know - i dont want any of this and I certainly dont want to wreck his partner and childs life but im worried I wont actually have the bottle to do it if he puts me on a guilt trip about being prepared to leave them for me

pinkshoes

You should never leave a person for someone else, you should leave only because you're unhappy and no longer want to be with that person.

Tell him this, and tell him that if he's unhappy with his partner, then by all means leave her, but you're not interested in a relationship with someone who's just separated from his partner, at least not for another 6 months...

And in those 6 months, you might have moved on or lost touch...

If he wants to be with you that badly, he'd wait. If he's unhappy with his parter, he'd leave.

Sallys_Savings

Dont let it go further...you cant. It is far too easy to be swept along like this, I have in the past (many moons ago).
If you dont stop it now ....be firm...say your piece and get up and leave.
You can do it!!!

I totally agree with the other posters....dont think about his feelings. Or if you do it will make things so much worse.

Good luck

bulchy

pinkshoes wrote: »

You should never leave a person for someone else, you should leave only because you're unhappy and no longer want to be with that person.

Tell him this, and tell him that if he's unhappy with his partner, then by all means leave her, but you're not interested in a relationship with someone who's just separated from his partner, at least not for another 6 months...

And in those 6 months, you might have moved on or lost touch...

If he wants to be with you that badly, he'd wait. If he's unhappy with his parter, he'd leave.

Totally agree with Pinkshoes, If I wasnt happy with my OH I wouldnt stick around waiting for someone else to come along, or use someone else as an excuse to leave. Also, how would you be able to trust him? If hes capable of doing this to his wife and child, who's to say he wont do the same to you too. Get out quick.
Sue

Chollita

Simply say that you do not want a relationship with him, and if he chooses to leave his partner it is nothing to do with you. After that, no contact. No explanations.

I wouldn't trust him either - he is a proven liar, and might string both of you along. He also sounds impulsive, to talk about leaving a committed relationship for someone he dated for a few weeks.

sandy2_2

Any way you can phone him and call off your meeting

Stephb1986_2

turn round and tell him that you can not be with a man that will dump his wife and child for some random stranger and that she deserves better than him and so do you. at the end of the day is coming up to christmas imagine how his poor wife and kid will be knowing he's gone off with some other woman. do the right thing and just tell him.

good luck

Stephb xx

redruby

GET OUT NOW,

This mas has cheated and lied to you and his partner and his child :mad: , how can he be seeing you, then go home and look into his childs eyes ?

He could be doing it to you and your child in a few years,
his wife does not deserve this,
you do not deserve this
and most certainly his child does not deserve this.

If you need to take the cheats way out and do it by text or phone. Just something simple like, I'm sorry do not want to get involved. End of.

Sorry if that sounded harsh, but you deserve more than this

xx