My brother stole money from our parents

bouicca21

Your mother thinks she is rescuing him. I don’t know how you convince her that what she is doing is enabling him. Try asking her who will save him when she is dead and he continues his criminal behaviour. Somehow she needs to understand that she bears responsibility for encouraging him. And if she can’t understand that then you just have to move on and leave them to it.

maman

My DH experienced something similar with his family. It wasn't criminal but his mother was always baling out 2 or three siblings with money or excessive babysitting or just her time. DH and other siblings who had done well for themselves felt undervalued and pushed out.

I think it was just that she felt needed by the 'lame ducks' and persuaded DH to just keep in contact with MIL and not discuss the subject of his siblings. So we took her out for meals, made different conversation etc.

Since MIL has died the siblings continue to get into debt but although civil to them on family occasions, we have nothing to do with them financially (although we've been asked).

I'm just saying that you could continue a relationship of sorts with your family but within boundaries that you set.

It does mean you'll have to accept there is unlikely to be any future inheritance for you if that is part of your concern. You'll also have to make it clear that your parents can't look to you for help if they give everything to your brother.

cristina_19701

I tried so many times to explain to my mother that she is enabling him and that she is responsible too for what he is doing. But she only answers "he needs our love and help", "I can't argue with him", "He is my little baby".
My brother never helps . She suffered a car accident 10 years ago and he never helped with anything. She passed 4 months in bed and I left my job to take care of her day and night.Now I work home and I visit her everyday, I go to her house and help to cook, and also other tasks. I work home so I'm always here to help if they need. Every sunday I cook dinner for her and my stepfather because they're all alone. But I'm really tired now of all this situation.

Voyager2002

cristina_19701 wrote: »

I tried so many times to explain to my mother that she is enabling him and that she is responsible too for what he is doing. But she only answers "he needs our love and help", "I can't argue with him", "He is my little baby".
My brother never helps . She suffered a car accident 10 years ago and he never helped with anything. She passed 4 months in bed and I left my job to take care of her day and night.Now I work home and I visit her everyday, I go to her house and help to cook, and also other tasks. I work home so I'm always here to help if they need. Every sunday I cook dinner for her and my stepfather because they're all alone. But I'm really tired now of all this situation.

I am not surprised that you are tired of this situation...

I think that since they do not appreciate all that you do for them, you should stop doing it. Above all, get yourself a job and a career so that when the predictable financial disaster happens, you will not be dragged down as well.

onwards&upwards

cristina_19701 wrote: »

I left my job to take care of her day and night.Now I work home and I visit her everyday, I go to her house and help to cook, and also other tasks. I work home so I'm always here to help if they need. Every sunday I cook dinner for her and my stepfather because they're all alone. But I'm really tired now of all this situation.

That’s all stuff you have chosen to do, you didn’t have to do any of it and you could stop anytime you wanted.

maman

onwards&upwards wrote: »

That’s all stuff you have chosen to do, you didn’t have to do any of it and you could stop anytime you wanted.

It's admirable what you've chosen to do for your parents but it's your choice. Although you don't agree with your brother's behaviour (who would?) then that's his choice too.

Whether you choose to go on helping out your parents on your own has nothing to do with your brother however irritating it is for everything to be left to you.

If you can't earn a decent living and do what you're doing now then you'll have to cut back and perhaps limit your help to Sundays. You must take care of yourself and your future as it doesn't look as if much will be forthcoming from your family.

chesky

Do you have a priest who could talk to your mother about this?

DigForVictory

Your English is excellent, and your efforts to help your family admirable.
However, if brother is taking flagrant liberties, you have two choices.
Carry on being the good daughter, or step back and say this is beyond what I can cope with.

It is not fair, it cannot be, it will not be. You can chose to stop being part of it though, and step away.

gomer

Maybe a local cartel could gave a quiet word in his ear with a 10 guage?

dcouponzzzz

chesky wrote: »

Do you have a priest who could talk to your mother about this?

I think this is an often overlooked option that can be quite effective. Is there someone in the local community that your mother respects, that will be on your side and able to discuss it with her?

The risk involved with doing this is that your mother could see it as an attack on her and your brother by making family issues more public, and negatively impact the relationship you do have.