My brother stole money from our parents

cristina_19701

First I have to apologize for my bad and rusty english. It is not my first language. But I need to talk about this to someone. I just don't know what to do anymore. A few months ago we discovered that my younger brother had made credit cards on our stepfather and father bank accounts. He stole more than 20.000 dollars from them. Our father suffered the most, because he have a very small pension to live on. It barely covers his monthly expenses. He took all the money of his father's account and left him with a lot of debts. My mother convinced our stepfather not to report him to the police. I strongly advised her to do something, though. But nothing was said to him, because she treats him like a little baby, a small child who can't take responsibility for anything, despite him being 38. She can be very angry if we talk about what he did.

He is stealing from our mother since his adolescence. She always knew he was stealing and used to let the money in her purse in the same place so he could take it.My brother shows no regrets and still continues to take money from my mother every week. He used to drive for our stepfather, who is 89. He "worked" for about 6 months for him and was nicely payed. But he was always saying that it was "too tiring to drive ", "too boring" to wait for our stepfather while he shopped for his groceries or went to the doctor. He was always complaining about something. Now he ins't working and continues to live with my mother's money. He lives with his wife and son in a house owned by our parents. My mother also gave him another house to rent, as a gift. He never said thank you. She is in complete denial.

After discovering about the credit cards, she is saying she wants to give him her properties(two houses), to give him "his inheritance", because "he has nothing in life". (Our father lives in one of the houses). I tried to explain that this is not a good idea, he will just sell everything she gives him and expend the money really fast. 20 000 dollars is a lot of money here and he expend it all in only 4 months. I asked her why she wants to give him everything without thinking of me; I said I am also her daughter, but she won't listen. She wants me to happily agree with her ideas. I'm not worried about inheriting something, but I can't agree with this. I don't know what to say anymore to make my mother see the truth about my brother. I feel exausted.

[Deleted User]

You mention dollars. What country are you in? You may want to seek more local advice.

In the UK, it would be up to your parents to report any fraud. Equally, anything they do with allocating inheritances is up to them.

cristina_19701

I'm in Brazil. Here is up to the parents to report the fraud. I know they can do whatever they want with their properties. I just felt sad to recognize that my mother prefers my brother.

[Deleted User]

That's how families often go.

You can either let it eat you up or you can move on with your life. Both leave you in the same financial position, but one leaves you happier.

You're going to have to choose one.

maman

I agree with you that it's a very worrying situation but there doesn't seem to be much that you can do about it. Although she might get angry, trying to persuade your mother or father to report the fraud/theft would seem to be your only redress.

Presumably there is evidence that your brother took out the credit cards unlawfully in your father's name? Without evidence then, even if they did report him, they wouldn't get far.

Incidentally, your written English is very good indeed. :T

spadoosh

I can imagine a situation where youre mother is attempting to make right what she views as her failings in raising someone as !!!!less as your brother.

Without knowing the people id imagine your mother believes that your brother needs help where as she doesnt believe you do. Parents feel obliged to help their children. If one is more capable at certain things theycan be overlooked.

eg. I was really good at maths growing up, my sister struggled considerably more. My parents paid for her to get extra tuition. They did not pay for me to get extra tuition. Whilst this can be viewed as unfair, there wasnt a need to pay for extra tuition for me. Maybe they couldve spent money elsewhere but then its rewarding for me i just happen to be good at and punishing my sister for something she happens to be bad at.

cristina_19701

yes, there is evidence that he stole. His name is on the bank, there's no doubt about it. But my parents don't want to report him to the police.

pinkshoes

cristina_19701 wrote: »

yes, there is evidence that he stole. His name is on the bank, there's no doubt about it. But my parents don't want to report him to the police.

If they don’t want to report him to the police then unfortunately there is nothing that can be done.

The ONLY way he is going to learn is by being charged with theft.

geminilady

How does your stepfather feel about your mother giving him property and money when he has stolen from him? I would tell your Mother how wrong it is to reward someone for stealing and how sad you are that they seem to prefer him you who have been nothing but a loving daughter.

Ergates

It'll be hard, but it would probably be best for you to cut ties with your family.

Your brother is a criminal and your mother and step father are in denial. This is going to end badly. Don't let them take you down with them.

[Deleted User]

What a horrible situation. Unfortunately your mother seems totally blinkered to what her son is like and may only realise when she is on the streets as he has stolen and spent everything from under her.


As hard as it is your brother will never learn because the parents are enabling this theft by never reporting him.


I think you need to step away and get on with your own life otherwise this will eat you up with animosity and anger.