I want a happy family!!!!!

3KIDSNOMONEY

Does anybody else feel like a bad parent sometimes. All i seem to do these days is shout at the kids, they don't seem to listen to me at all and i find it soo frustrating. I try to do nice things for them and try to make things special but there is no appreciation. Everyone else seems to have a really happy family and at the minute we are a miserable one. Is it just us??? Any advice on how i can sort my family out. Tried bribery, taking privilidges of them - i know it's me too and i need to be more patient.

tired_mum

Hi 3kidsnomoney
we are in the same position 3 kids 11,13 &14 and they are never happy together always rowing over TV and so on .Think its just a thing that they do remember that even if other familys seem happy all the time you never know what goes on behind closed doors
hugs to you it is so hard to keep a level head sometimes when you feel things are out of control hopefully someone will be along who can help you a bit more just wanted to let you know your not alone

Savvy_sewing

HI, i think that we must all go through these stages. I have had 4 children, the eldest is now 21 but I was a single mum with 4 under 7 once. Mind you twins helped, or didnt. Try not to shout. All kids argue. Try listening to them. What I found worked for me was to have family meetings. Wher the kids had paper and pencils to write down what they wanted to say, or what was said, and what we thought we could all do to improve life. Then when things went wayward they had this to go back on. Shouting at them just makes us feel guilty and them rebelious. Walk into a different room for a few moment,s or into the garden for a quick look at the weeds if your lucky enought to have a garden. Then see if they really are still arguing, 9 out of 10 they have settled it. got to go. Try talk to you later.

ceegee

If you see an argument brewing, could you try to diffuse it before it gets too big? Nip it in the bud, sort of thing. Otherwise it just ends up with everybody shouting at everybody else and that is just horrible....it seems to feed on itself. It may be hard, when you are feeling so down, but taking a deep breath and being calm about things can spread the calmness in the same way that shouting spreads the shouting.



Oh and try to be consistent with the calmness, too!

bulchy

Oh the joys of being a parent :rolleyes:
I have a son 13 and daughter 17, and mostly they get along fine. I have found its easier to not get involved in any arguments they might have, as it is so easy to be seen as taking sides. All families have squabbles, being the 2nd oldest of 5, I sometimes wonder how my mam managed to keep herself sane, as we would have some terrible fights :eek:
Maybe its just the time of year or something, dark evenings mean kids cant get outside once they come home from school, miserable weather puts everyone in a miserable mood, and of course christmas is coming, a stressfull time of year for most, especially when you have kids to contend with. If you feel its safe just to let them get on with it, leave the room if you feel trouble brewing, I usually find one of them will follow me, I wont talk about the argument they've been having, unless they mention it, and like I say, I try not to be seen to be taking sides, as long as it seems a 'fair' argument iyswim.
Sue

cobbingstones

Hi 3 kids,

Everybody get those days/weeks/ years :-) when its totally pants.

If you ever find the receipe for a happy family pls let me know!!


MM

geekgirl

Please don't think that its only your family that is like this. There are plenty of people who feel isolated and everything is on a downer.
I agree with the family meeting thing. We always did this and it worked a treat. They loved it because it made them feel important. It takes a bit of time to get into cos they all want to talk at once but if you do it properly with each one allowed to have their say uninterrupted it helps them to really think about what they want to say.
I used to give them all a piece of paper and a pen or pencils. We all spent a bit of time writing our own agenda then we would write the main agenda down. Then we would take each point in turn and everyone had their say, no matter how little they were and how irrelevant their point may have seemed they had their say. It didn't take long for it to run smoothly and they gave me and OH some good ideas on how to sort things out.

jess1974

I also have 3 children, 2 boys aged 10 and 9 and a little girl age 4. They have spent all weekend bickering and being awkward, i was delighted to drop them at school this morning....

3KIDSNOMONEY

maybe it's not just me then! I try so hard to be patient but at the mo i just seem to shout. Someone did mention about how things do get harder this time of year and i do think that has something to do with it - not being able to send the kids in the garden to play and burn off a bit of energy. Also hormones in pre-teenage girls doesn't help. I get really sad when i think about how things are and how i don't know what to do to turn things around. Anybody who has read some of my other posts will know that i have my own problems and i am now worried that the way i am is rubbing off on my children - i don't want them to turn out like me and have the same problems as me when they are older.

traveller

Hi, please don't worry!I've had a really bad year as far as yelling at the kida is concerned,but in all honesty if they were little angels you wouldn't be yelling,lol.I agree the time of year doed not help and as parents we'll always have problems to deal with,but try not to think it's only YOUR family-it isn't.I've got 3 and 4th on the way in May. I find my 14 year old son quite hard going at times-until I cast my mind back to when I was his age and realise it's just history repeating itself,lol.I do find though that remembering when I was young and what caused arguments ect, helps me understand,slightly, their fights /squabbles

Psykicpup

3KIDSNOMONEY wrote: »

maybe it's not just me then! I try so hard to be patient but at the mo i just seem to shout. Someone did mention about how things do get harder this time of year and i do think that has something to do with it - not being able to send the kids in the garden to play and burn off a bit of energy. Also hormones in pre-teenage girls doesn't help. I get really sad when i think about how things are and how i don't know what to do to turn things around. Anybody who has read some of my other posts will know that i have my own problems and i am now worried that the way i am is rubbing off on my children - i don't want them to turn out like me and have the same problems as me when they are older.

((((hugs)))) - i know where you are coming from...

the 'knack' I found helped was to shout JUST enough to get thier attention then count to 5 (you need to work up to 10 lol) take a deep breath..... and speak normally. Explain how you feel to the kids - that you are fed up shouting at them & from now on only people who dont shout will be listened too! - then ask what the problem is/was as if you had not heard a word. make sure everyone states calmly their grievance & then guide them to sorting this themselves

Sound impressive & if it worked every time it would be lol. Seriously it doesnt all ways work but will often work enough to break the shouting cycle - mostly concentrate on not allowing all the voices to gett louder & louder.

this was reminded to me at work (in a call centre) - no one call listen to whisper & shout at the same time!