My wife is in debt for the 2nd time, and leaving.

Boomerang_Boy

Hi.

About 15 years ago my wife got into debt due to several credit cards. I came up with a plan and we managed to consolidate her debts and pay them off together in about 3 years. Now the same thing has happened again, but on a much bigger scale. This time I have discovered she is in about £25k of debt on several credit cards again. I only discovered this through a folder on the PC where she is applying for a new rented house. It could be more. Our relationship has broken down over the last few years and things have come to a head, she is in the process of moving out.

Our household bills are all up to date because we had a joint account that we both payed into every month to cover all the bills and food etc. She has always been secretive about the rest of her money.

Even though she is moving out, I want to help her sort this mess. She is still my wife and the mother of my children. She always gets angry when I want to discuss money, so I have texted her saying I want to sort this without blame or arguing.

Any help or opinions greatly appreciated.

chelseablue

This will sound harsh.

If that was my husband who had run up a load of debt again after I helped him pay off the first lot, and I found out he was planning on moving out, I'd leave him too it to pay off himself

Assuming your wife's debt is all in her name I'd leave her to it (especially as you've helped in the past and she obviously hasn't learnt)

MovingForwards

As above.

You can't help someone unless they want to help themselves. Think of it like an addiction and trying to give that up then you will understand her reaction.

Unicorn_cottage

I have never understood why people are secretive with their money whilst in a relationship. Concentrate on your finances and future proofing yourself etc.

Suseka97

You haven't mentioned whether your children are dependants, so I'm assuming not and in which case then you can obviously do what you can to support her - but must not get embroiled into resolving the situation for her. She clearly needs help in terms of getting to grips with her spending habits and I really doubt she'll follow any advice you offer - so maybe just encourage her to speak to one of the debt charities or citizens advice.

[Deleted User]

Look into getting the joint account closed so you can start to sever your financial links to her. You can't force her to let you help you. You've sent the text, made the offer, so the ball is in her court. Whatever you do, do not consolidate her debt in your name.

Boomerang_Boy

Thanks for your replies so far.

I understand the harsh sounding views, that's exactly what I told myself the last time...that if it happened again I was out and it was her problem.

However, we have a 13 year old son. I want his mother to be financially ok for his sake. It can't be healthy for him if his mam is stressed or depressed or skint. I won't be consolidating her debts in my name, but we have agreed to talk about it at the weekend. I've been on the debt helpline and plan to speak to here about contacting the card companies to try and arrange something. I also want to help her cut up her cards, and make a budget for her future life.

I want to pay my way in the care of our boy, and am willing to pay all I can, probably several hundred pounds a month. But I want that money to be spent on him, not in paying her credit card interest.

Anyway, the first step is to cut up the cards and make a spreadsheet of all her debts to see where she stands. Then I will have to think about the next step.

Thanks!

Mojisola

Boomerang_Boy wrote: »

However, we have a 13 year old son. I want his mother to be financially ok for his sake. It can't be healthy for him if his mam is stressed or depressed or skint.

So why don't you have your son live with you?

D_M_E

Anything which you joint - bank account, credit card, council tax, utility bill, anything, whateveritis - tell the company that you want your name removing from any such account and insist that it be done.

If she's being secret about debts you don't know what she might have run up or not paid in your name.

Boomerang_Boy

D_M_E wrote: »

Anything which you joint - bank account, credit card, council tax, utility bill, anything, whateveritis - tell the company that you want your name removing from any such account and insist that it be done.

If she's being secret about debts you don't know what she might have run up or not paid in your name.

She is off the joint account, but is named on rent, council tax, water etc. I know they are paid because I pay them every month. I will take her off when she moves out.

enthusiasticsaver

I agree with others. She did not learn her lesson last time probably because you helped her consolidate the debts and pay them off. Never a good idea as it does not change spending behaviour. As long as you keep helping her pay off the debts she will not change.

Take her off the accounts. Stop texting her about money and protect yourself and your son. If she does not want your help you cannot do anything and it looks like she did not tell you about the debt and you found it out yourself. You cannot make her be ok financially. She has to sort that out for herself.