Budget ‘Burnout’

barbiedoll

Our kids have always had a massive pile of presents for Christmas. And of course, a lot of it got left unplayed with. I hate/d it and said, wouldn’t it be better if we put a percentage of what we spend in an account for them for when they’re older. Apparently not! And his mum goes absolutely bonkers too. She also buys them clothes. And I’ve posted about this before, I think, but she gets them a load of stuff in sales that they don’t end up wearing. My 9 year old son had no fewer than 40 t shirts at one point, and he wore a rotation of about 6! I’ve tried telling her but she likes shopping.

This is so infuriating! Maybe try appealing to husband/MIL by getting the kids on board with the environmental message? In this age of excessive and unnecessary waste, they both need to know that this is shameful behaviour. If MIL likes shopping so much, get her to buy stuff for a food bank, or a charity. You might have to start getting tough with both of them. When the kids get so many toys and clothes, tell DH/MIL that they’ll be going “straight to the charity shop”, as you don’t want your kids to grow up to be spoilt, entitled brats, when so many other people have so little.

I do know what it’s like though. I remember one year when we had a credit card splurge on our son at Christmas. He was almost 4, so at that age where they really love presents. He had so much stuff that, on Christmas morning, he was in a frenzy of tearing off the wrapping paper, tossing the toy to one side and just grabbing the next one. I felt quite ashamed, and even more so when, at his birthday party a couple of weeks later, he was greeting people at the door, saying “where’s my present?”.....I felt awful

Sit down to a family viewing of Blue Planet 2 (the one with the dead whale calf is good for getting the message across) and go into a tirade of how we’re living with our own filth, due to our excessive consumption, etc, etc. They may just start to see the light.....and you may save some money too.

lessonlearned

Lots of interesting ideas here.

I think it's easy to feel overwhelmed and to suffer Budget Burnout. Great expression, sums it up so well. I know exactly how you feel.

I think maybe if you forget fancy apps and just keep it simple, then maybe it would not quite so draining. Micro managing down to the last penny can be exhausting.

I don't bother with "pots". I have direct debits for as many bills as posssible, a credit card for petrol and household spends such as diy materials (I'm in a big renovation project at the moment ). I clear the card in full every month. And cash or debit card for the rest. Nothing focusses the mind quite like parting with hard cash. It really does make you think twice.

And definitely "pay yourself first". As soon as the dds are cleared put some aside for savings. Ideally set up a standing order for that so you don't even miss it. Start with a modest amount to begin with, you can always increase it later.

Re your £8k credit card deficit. Sad to say there's only one way to get rid of it. Stop using the cc (only use in dire emergencies) and slash your spending to throw as much as you can at it each month. Ideally you should forget holiday funds, you can't really afford one. If I were in your shoes I would be reducing my cc bill by at least 50% before spending money on a holiday. You can have great fun on a staycation, being a tourist in your own town or nearest city.

A simple Christmas. There's no need to get caught up in the commercial frenzy, especially if your MIL is spending enough for all of you.

No clothes buying for at least 6 months, except possibly undies and shoes for your son. No takeaways, make your own. Batch cook, maybe simplify meals. Something and chips or something on toast now and again won't hurt them. As long as they have enough to fill them up it needn't always be a "proper dinner".

6 months of frugal living and spending only on absolute necessities, then see how things stand. You might be able to then relax the purse strings a little.

And if you can summon up the energy on your good days how about seeing if you can sell some of the clutter.

As for your husband not helping enough with managing the finances I'm afraid you might be howling at the moon trying to get him to change. Some partners - male or female - just aren't very good at managing household finances and some are just totally disinterested. its not always the males at fault, some women are just as tardy. I used to be a shocker, left it all to my husband who it transpired was also equally hopeless and totally disinterested.

Despite him earning very good money we were always skint. In the end I grasped the nettle and took control. I hated doing it but it was a case of needs must....somebody had to be the grown up. :rotfl: At first it bored me to tears but once I started to see our finances begin to improve I actually started to really enjoy it.

Anoneemoose

Thanks again for the replies.

I’ll probably come back later and type a bit more but needed to vent. Just broached the Christmas and MIL excessive spending with OH. His response “I don’t know” and “don’t worry about it”. Also turns out I’ve bought something identical to the MIL for my son and it’s too late to return it. :wall:

Archergirl

Do you HAVE to have takeaways and eat out? Yes it's nice but if you are overspending it's not necessary.
Can you cut down on mobile phone expenditure? So much is wasted on that.
Did MIL get the gift in a shop, maybe an exchange would be possible if not a refund?
Your response to his should be "But I can't help but worry about it and it is stressing me out..."

Anoneemoose

Archergirl wrote: »

Do you HAVE to have takeaways and eat out? Yes it's nice but if you are overspending it's not necessary.
Can you cut down on mobile phone expenditure? So much is wasted on that.
Did MIL get the gift in a shop, maybe an exchange would be possible if not a refund?
Your response to his should be "But I can't help but worry about it and it is stressing me out..."

No, we don’t HAVE to have takeaway, but as per my previous posts, it’s pretty much the only thing possible sometimes (unless OH cooks, see my post about Thursday evening)!!

Mobiles aren’t too bad. They’re £30 for 2 and a payg top up for my son. All SIM only. Husband’s is company paid.

Hillwalker11

Regarding the Christmas excesses, I would suggest watching as a family including your MIL, some you tube videos on Samaritans Purse, or Operation Christmas Child.If you are not familiar it us when you pack a shoebox with items that get sent all over the world, places like Syria where the children have nothing.

Before retirement as a teacher the school used to do these boxes, and some of the infant children could not believe that this box was the only present these children received.

The videos show them being received, it is a very humbling experience and just might send a message to MIL.

Also when my boys were young we had a crib service at the local church, where you wrapped a toy up to be distributed to families who had very little.In our house the boys had to donate a favourite toy, or buy one out of their pocket money to take to the church service.
All of these things somehow put into perspective what Christmas should be about and could perhaps help your MIL to direct some of her shopping habits elsewhere.
Good luck.

MovingForwards

As part of your meal planning can you not batch cook?
Do bulk Bolognese, curry, chilli etc then freeze it.

Have a board with the days on it and write the weeks meals on it, that way it's pull the corresponding base out the freezer that morning and cook the pasta / rice / noodles etc, reheating the base meal to go with it?

If you are budgeting then you know how much money you have and where it goes. Work out income, add bills / food / debts / liabilities etc and what is left is the fun money - half gets saved into a different account and the rest remains
or
an easier way is wages into one current account
bills etc out of another current account, carrying a couple of hundred buffer
savings into a savings account
food money is cash drawn out each week
you both have a current account each with fun money, once it's gone it's tough poo
Repeat each payday

It shouldn't take much time budgeting and planning, it seems like it's too much time you are spending on it.

I have a yearly spreadsheet with my bills / outgoings, each payday money gets moved around to the various accounts and I know how much I have left til next payday, that's divided between how many weeks there are in the month and I know how much fun money I have.

MovingForwards

Just to give you an example of my spreadsheet:

rent
utility bills
council tax
phone
bus pass/travel
debt
Union Subs
miscellaneous
ISA - Stocks
savings..
credit card 13th
TOTAL

Anoneemoose

Thanks again everyone.

I’m a bit in pain and foggy today/tonight so will answer what I can.

MovingForwards - I do batch cook as much as I can, but it doesn’t always help as we all like different things. I’m not a massive fan of mince - either meat or veggie - the texture gives me the boak sometimes - although now and then I will use it to make a lasagne and I don’t mind that. What I tend to do is do a huge pan of madras for my husband, a huge pan of korma for my daughter and a veggie version for me (I portion them individually). So, that tends to be one meal a week for each of us if that makes sense. I bulk buy my meat from a local butchers as it’s similarly priced to supermarkets but much better quality. I freeze those things individually so I can just grab what we need. My kids don’t tend to eat the same as us but they always try new things so I don’t want to force things on them. So what I do is try and work out a base ingredient - like one evening the kids might have sausages with roasties, peas and gravy and we will have a sausage supper (sausages with roasted veg). Will try the board idea though, that sounds good.

Hillwalker - thank you. I’ll see what I can find on YouTube. I do also take part in a Project Santa where we donate a toy to local kids that don’t have much. I think MIL is the way she is because when my husband was younger they didn’t have a lot and as my FIL is really poorly (although not officially terminal, he has lots going on including cancer, angina, diabetes, balance issues, liver issues and more) and I genuinely think it’s like a diversion for her.

Lessonlearned - thanks to you too. Lots of fab ideas there. I will definitely take them on board. I’ve text MIL to suggest if she insists on buying the clothes etc, then to only get what they need or have specifically asked for. I said we’d talk about it next time we pop over. I love my in laws to bits and am extremely grateful for everything they do for us, so I don’t want to upset them. I think you might be onto something with the ‘howling at the moon’ thing!:rotfl:

Barbiedoll - I agree. Every time I have a clear out of hardly played with or worn stuff, it makes me feel so bad. As I said to Hillwalker, I do wonder if it’s a diversion for her in some ways. I’m lucky that my kids don’t act spoiled or entitled. They don’t expect things and they often say things like “we’re so lucky”. They’re also very loving and appreciative to all their grandparents.


I have tried selling things and have had some success, so will try that with everything. I do pass on some of the clothes as my friend’s son is a similar age.

Anoneemoose

Seems I wasn’t as foggy as I thought. :rotfl: