Custody and the CSA?

Gingham_Ribbon

This is for a friend. Things are getting pretty bad for her regarding her recent seperation.

What are people's experiences of going to the CSA? I understand that, with one child, he would be expected to pay around 10% of his take home pay to her to raise the child? However, the problem is not just about money.

Do the CSA decide about access? If not, who does she go to? He's calling the time he spends with their child 'babysitting' for her and cancels at the last minute etc, leaving her to let down work without warning or unable to have some social time with friends.

She needs an arrangement in place so she knows when he'll be responsible for the child. He did get a place with room for her but hasn't taken her there yet.

Thanks. Obviously, I'm keeping this post neutral and can't go into details on why the current situation isn't working but there are no abuse or neglect concerns.

hobo28

With one child, ex will be expected to pay 15%. This is reduced by 1/7th for every night the child stays at his house regularly up to a maximum of 50%.

CSA do NOT decide about access. That is for them to sort out and if they cannot agree then its down to family court. Court is VERY expensive and is a bit of a lottery. You could suggest she tries mediation which courts usually insist upon before you get there.

Its very common for the part time parent to get wrapped up in their own little world. I'm sure if he was here he'd be saying how hard he's trying to be a good dad etc. etc. But I do think a firm arrangement is best.

How is quite another matter. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

My only suggestion is that if he is not willing to agree a firm schedule then your friend will have to do it for him. Start by fixing the times. If he wants to discuss and talk then great. If not those are the times. Having been able to come & go as he pleases, he will scream shout and blame it all on your friend. Some will even just walk away. It all depends on the type of person.

Gingham_Ribbon

I've suggested that they both sit down with me and work out details as I've been very neutral up till now. (They've both made mistakes - don't we all.) Presumably he'd have to WANT to go to family mediation?

If he said that he'd only have her for 3 hours a week if she went to the CSA, is there anything she can do? (She wants her child to have a good relationship with her dad - up till now he's been a very involved parent and spent some time looking for a flat that was both close by and had 2 bedrooms so she could stay with him but now it's come to the nitty gritty, it's not really going like that...)

piglet29

hello, my daughter has just gone through this with her ex partner and the first thing she did was make an appointment with her solicitor, after outlining what she wanted to happen her solicitor contacted his solicitor and they have now drawn up an agreement for access times and days etc., which is working very well up until now (fingers crossed) but her solictor has said that if he defaults on the arrangments without a very good reason then famil court would be the next step, hope this helps its a horrible situation but best to get it sorted out as soon as possible so everyone, child especially, can get into a routine asap!!!

Penny_Watcher

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

If he said that he'd only have her for 3 hours a week if she went to the CSA,

What an appalling man. :mad:

I'd go down the CSA route straight away, otherwise he'll be able to use his original threat until the little girl is of an age to look after herself and not need 'babysitting'. And access and maintenance are (fortunately) two separate issues. It's not a case of 'Pay to Play'.

He sounds like he's throwing his toys out of the pram and using his daughter as a weapon to manipulate his ex. How grown up :cool:.


It's a personal bug bear of mine that absent parents think they can manipulate parents with care by withholding money to feed, clothe and house their children. I will add that Mr Watcher has always paid his CSA in full and on time (and is still doing so even though his daughter is almost 19!) and co-operated closely with his ex-wife (after an initial glitch over her denying access) with childcare etc. It is difficult, but it's the mature thing to do if you love your children.

I think your friend needs to take piglet29's Eminently sensible advice.






*Sorry - I'm very grumpy this morning aren't I *

Penelope_Penguin

Gingham, I'm so sorry for your friend. Well done you for helping her out.

I'd advise her/them to agree as much as they can without need for court intervention. That's usually simpler and cheaper. It's usually least traumatic for all involved (including the children).

However, the only watertight way of ensuring access and responsibility for childcare is to go to court, and get it written into a Court Order. And, unfortunately, that isn't completely watertight either - if one party lets the other down, there's not much they can do until they can go back to court.

Hugs for you all.

bloomin_freezing

the csa may be the best route to take, but do not expect anything to happen in the near future with them. they are 95% useless. my cousin contacted them in january when she split from her hubby and they still haven't made contact with him yet. he's not even in hiding,they just must be very busy i guess??

Gingham_Ribbon

Thank you everyone. Even I'm finding it stressful so goodness knows how my friend is coping. I'll hopefully have plenty to take to her when I see her and we can start to get something together to go to him with. I might suggest that I take him to the pub and try to ask him what he wants, explaining that if they don't get it sorted out soon, then court will sort it out for them.

Gingham_Ribbon

They'e both low waged. Would they be entitled to legal aid for solicitors if they can't sort it without them? Thanks.

Penelope_Penguin

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

They'e both low waged. Would they be entitled to legal aid for solicitors if they can't sort it without them? Thanks.

Not sure about that, but many solicitors will give a free half-hour consultation, to give you some idea of what might be involved, and any costs.

Fran

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

They'e both low waged. Would they be entitled to legal aid for solicitors if they can't sort it without them? Thanks.

Their local Citizens Advice will have a list of local solicitors and what is available in their area as it varies depending on where you live.

There is a dedicated Child Support board as part of the Benefits, Tax Credits and Jobseeking board.