Why does my dad forget me ?

elsien

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Dad worked alot when I was growing up so I didn't see much of him I also discovered that my mum did not want us to be close. She was abused by her dad and I think she was trying to protect me.



I just feel so hurt seeing the documents with the rest of the family but none with my name on.


When I poitned out about the drinks he was shocked as he hadn't realised. He always remembers now but surely this should be natural. My husband thinks its just that dad takes me forgranted and feels he has to make an effort with everyone else. I don't agree.



These letters were obviously written before I brought it up as I only did this in the last year.

You told him about the drinks. He apologised and has stopped doing it. You are still hanging on to the issue.
If it's been resolved, then just let it go and instead talk to him about the other things that are worrying you. Then let them go. It's not healthy to keep going over things that aren't an issue any more. If you're not able to move you may find it helpful to talk to someone because it's then your problem not his.

Mojisola

Why have you left it go on for so long without asking him about it?

At the lunch, why didn't your mother say that she would be leaving her jewellery to you?

Primrose

I had an even more bizarre thought about why your father treats you like this but it would be a painful one for you to address with him. Perhaps he is carrying some unspoken idea in his mind that he is not actually your real father?

He might be shocked if you tackled him on this issue but it might explain his excluding behaviour. However if this is not the case then ai think yiu need to sit down and have a serious talk with him and ask him why yiu are being treated and ignored in this way and how hurtful yiu are finding to del with it.

I,m another one who doesn,t understand why his letters to members of your family are typed up on YOUR laptop.

hazyjo

Primrose wrote: »

I had an even more bizarre thought about why your father treats you like this but it would be a painful one for you to address with him. Perhaps he is carrying some unspoken idea in his mind that he is not actually your real father?

He might be shocked if you tackled him on this issue but it might explain his excluding behaviour. However if this is not the case then ai think yiu need to sit down and have a serious talk with him and ask him why yiu are being treated and ignored in this way and how hurtful yiu are finding to del with it.

I,m another one who doesn,t understand why his letters to members of your family are typed up on YOUR laptop.

Primrose - I was trying to find a way of saying the same thing. It was my first thought.


Not saying a father has to be blood related - mine wasn't (I'm adopted), but it is a possibility I suppose.

z1a

Maybe he only wanted a Son.

mgdavid

Primrose wrote: »

I had an even more bizarre thought about why your father treats you like this but it would be a painful one for you to address with him. Perhaps he is carrying some unspoken idea in his mind that he is not actually your real father?

He might be shocked if you tackled him on this issue but it might explain his excluding behaviour. However if this is not the case then ai think yiu need to sit down and have a serious talk with him and ask him why yiu are being treated and ignored in this way and how hurtful yiu are finding to del with it.

I,m another one who doesn,t understand why his letters to members of your family are typed up on YOUR laptop.

^^ this.
I read the OP twice and then came to this possibility too.

paddy's_mum

I think you have "let it go" far too often, perhaps in an effort to keep peace in the family. It is now entrenched behaviour but you can challenge it.

Why not write him a letter explaining calmly and logically what it is he has or hasn't done and how that makes you feel. You get your point across without tempers being lost or things said in anger that cannot later be taken back.

One thing did cross my mind - what does your mother say when these oversights (or slights) take place. I ask only because I recognise that none of the wives and adult daughters in my family would let this kind of behaviour against their child pass without protest.

Marvel1

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Dad worked alot when I was growing up so I didn't see much of him I also discovered that my mum did not want us to be close. She was abused by her dad and I think she was trying to protect me.
.

Looks like your Mum played a part in this build up.

Primrose

In this case, it seems to me like it's time for a long conversation with both of your parents because in their separate ways they both have a lot of explaining to do.

HurdyGurdy

NBLondon wrote: »

You brought your laptop to work on and found documents that he created on it 10 years ago? Or did you forget yours and borrow his?

I'd be interested as to how you managed to find these documents too.