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Securing 50/50 shared residency of 5 year old boy with malicious ex

Little advice needed on how to go about this, I'll try to keep it short.
Split 2 years ago, not been too bad between us but always random outbursts from the ex, using our child (5 years old) as a tool to get at me and my family or anyone else who upsets her. She's already made it so difficult for her own mother and step-dad to see the little guy that they have stopped contact with him, wasn't invited to her sisters wedding, her Dad has cut all ties with her, just last week has stopped my mother from having him on Wednesdays every week and has now decided to take one of my days with him away. shouting and swearing in front of him is normal for her. Just to give you an idea of the person.
So to make life more settled, 50% time spent with each of us is how I'd like it to be. I've met with my boss to discuss shift changes and reduced hours to suit. I will change jobs if I need to. At the minute he spends 3 nights a fortnight with me at weekends and i drop off and pick up from school 2 days a week. I pay her £265 a month direct into her bank, I have suggested a pattern of days with the child that suits her current work pattern but every time I ask where things are up to concerning shared residency she says that she is speaking to a solicitor, but I think this is just a delay tactic and her real concern is losing money. I have said to her there will be no payments and we should pay any academic costs, uniforms, trips, stationery, etc between us, although she will still be receiving the tax credits and such.
So really I was hoping somebody could suggest a route to take if she is not willing to come to a mutual agreement.

Many thanks,



  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,205 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Name Dropper
    You can apply to court. Before doing so, speak to a solicitor about what will be seen as reasonable (remember the court will be looking at what is in the best interests of your son, not at being 'fair' to you and his mum,so 50/50 may not be appropriate as it can be hard to make work unless the parents are able to work together.)

    Before you can issue your court application you will need to show you have at least tried mediation, so either ask your solicitor to make a referral to a afamily mediator, or self-refer. They will met with you by yourself first, then contact you ex to see whethr she is prepared to attend mediation. (if not, or if she ignores them, they will be able to sign a 'MIAM' form for you which allows you to them apply to court.)
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • TripleH
    TripleH Posts: 3,019 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Could backfire but if you have a reasonable relationship with your ex's parents discuss arrangements to include them In a network of support?

    Thus when it goes to court you can show you are trying to be reasonable and focus on the needs of the child as your primary concern.
    May you find your sister soon Helli.
    Sleep well.
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