Wills and Stepchildren

lookstraightahead

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

If it were me and there was sufficient cash to allow it, I would give each child an equal amount now as a bequest from their father.

Failing that as you have a good relationship with them I would leave your step-children a small bequest in your will with the bulk of the estate going to your own children.

A small bequest? To two out of four of his children? Aren't all of his children equal, to him, irrespective of what the mum has left them?

SevenOfNine

lookstraightahead wrote: »

A small bequest? To two out of four of his children? Aren't all of his children equal, to him, irrespective of what the mum has left them?

Equally LOVED I've no doubt. But OP has explained quite clearly (in her last paragraph of her post) what her husband's views were in relation to inheritance of the assets they built together.

The question asked about distribution through OP's will when the time comes is about doing the right thing morally, particularly given that the whole mixed family seem to have a good relationship at the present time.

If the stepchildren are confident that inheritance does not equal level of love, then I don't see a problem morally for OP to do as her husband expected, & leave her estate to their 2 children. I see the stepchildren are already in their 50's - well established financially already?

It's not practical (or advisable) to have a 'giveaway' now, OP has to support herself for an unknown number of years, it may not be wise to deprive herself of assets when the future (& the length of it) is unknown. It does not sound as if she has a large disposable pot of money, the value is primarily in the property.

Perhaps OP, look at this moral dilemma from a different angle. If you were to attempt to reflect what you feel might be a fairer 'share' in your will to include the stepchildren, in what way might you achieve that? Cash sum, percentage share? What might be 'workable'?

You may be able to weigh up simplicity against complexity if you give that some thought. Maybe decide to leave it as is for a few years, see if the stepchildren remain a large feature in your life.

nom_de_plume

nomdeplume59 wrote: »

Our original mirror wills left everything to each other, nothing to any of the children until the second of us died - this was always very likely to be me as I was considerably younger so when we discussed it I was vaguely aware that I may subsequently alter mine.

Can you expand upon the original Wills?


Did both of your Wills contain an identical clause that would leave everything to your children, for instance, if you both died at the same time?


If so, then you can use your husband's Will to confirm his wishes.

POPPYOSCAR

lookstraightahead wrote: »

A small bequest? To two out of four of his children? Aren't all of his children equal, to him, irrespective of what the mum has left them?

His will his wishes.

The OP on reflection is not entirely comfortable with it now it would seem but I do not think she is comfortable with going entirely against his wishes either so it would be a compromise.

lookstraightahead

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

His will his wishes.

The OP on reflection is not entirely comfortable with it now it would seem but I do not think she is comfortable with going entirely against his wishes either so it would be a compromise.

How do you tell his other biological kids though that he didn't leave them anything, but that he was happy, theoretically, for everything to go to the others? He obviously didn't mean it that way, but how do you 'word' it?

POPPYOSCAR

lookstraightahead wrote: »

How do you tell his other biological kids though that he didn't leave them anything, but that he was happy, theoretically, for everything to go to the others? He obviously didn't mean it that way, but how do you 'word' it?

Well strictly speaking he has not left any of the children anything it has all gone to his wife.

This is why the OP has this moral dilemma about changing her will.

onwards&upwards

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The point is it would be unfair to their own children to split her estate 4 ways as this would mean the step children getting a share of the OPs money as well as their father's.

What’s so bad about that?

Surely the stepchildren mean something to the OP? The6 are her children’s siblings, the children of the man she loved, members of her family?

Even if not exactly 4 ways I think nothing is hash. Maybe 20/20/30/30 or 15/15/35/35?

Malthusian

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Even if not exactly 4 ways I think nothing is hash. Maybe 20/20/30/30 or 15/15/35/35?

Which do you think?

Or are you saying the OP should pick one of those ratios depending on how much less they love their stepchildren relative to their own? That isn't likely to make the moral dilemma any easier.

IMO this part: "His view was that they have already been provided for under the terms of his ex-wife's will and that everything we have was built up subsequent to his divorce settlement and should thus go to our children" - means there is no moral dilemma. The OP should leave the stepkids whatever they want.

There is no question, based on the facts presented, that the husband wanted everything to go to his new spouse and thence to whomever they wanted to leave it to, with nil to his older kids if that's how the OP felt. And that is what his Will achieved. The OP is free to leave something to his older kids if they want to, as it's their money.

If it's a "what would you do" question: everything to my own 2 children equally. Unless the stepchildren were equally a part of my life as my own children (regular contact at family gatherings, etc), then an equal split among the 4. Unless the money would make a material difference to one of my own children's lives but not to those of both stepchildren, then back to an equal split between my own 2.

None of the four children should care tuppence. The OP has given no indication of their age or state of health, but they might live for decades, so it makes no meaningful difference to the children's lives at this point. The OP might spend all their money, or meet a fancy man and leave him their entire estate.

DigForVictory

My heart goes out you, nomdeplume59 (the OP). Bereaved & trying to do the right thing by both the living & the dead, especially since as in all family situations (let alone blended family) when the relationships work well, you really do not want to rock the boat.

I do like DairyQueen's analysis of both the situation & the emotions and absolutely agree on good communication at all stages now, future & upon eventual decease helping the offspring stay on passable if not ongoing friendly terms.

I also much admire SevenofNine's line "inheritance does not equal level of love" - and I would suggest that is used word for word in any discussions entered into with the offspring. Along with the arithmetical logic of how we got here. Have a copy of the Will to hand in case it's just not believed?

Not that that will dry any tears in the short term, but once the immediate jolt is past, eventually understanding should rub off any sharp corners perceived. I do the ex left something for her children & that they aren't in desperate need of 25% of something their father never bothered to tell them they weren't going to get.

Most ticklish & really not the OP's fault but amidst grief & expectations & unfounded hope can also come the most appalling behaviour. I do hope this does not aggravate the grief & loss.

May this very distressing time gradually calm to acceptance & in the meantime, all strength.

happyandcontented

My condolences on your loss OP.

I can only share with you the experience of a friend. He was married for close to 25 years and had 2 children, no grandchildren either.

They divorced and he remarried (as did she) no children from this marriage, but the current wife has 3 from two previous marriages and grandchildren. They have a house together for which she put up the biggest share of the deposit from her divorce settlement. He has recently cashed in a pension worth c 600k, the house is worth 250k and they have considerable savings. So, a lot of assets.

His will leaves everything to his new wife (who is in much better health than he is) apart from 1% of his estate which is to be split between his 2 children.

If she survives him she is then it has been suggested that she leave her will split equally between the 5 children, but there is nothing to stop her simply bypassing his children and leaving it all to hers, which I think she may well do as she only superficially gets on with his children.

His children are aware of the will and are not happy, down the line it will cause major issues.

I think it is admirable that you are thinking about everyone, even at this very sad time.