Wills and Stepchildren

nomdeplume59

My husband died recently; we had been married for 45 years and have 2 children together, plus he has 2 children from his first marriage, both in their 50s.

I have taken legal advice, so my dilemma is more a moral than a legal one, and I would welcome opinions: we had mirror wills, so his estate has passed in its entirety to me. My will, as presently worded, leaves my estate to our 2 children. My husband's ex-wife died some years ago, leaving her estate, built up my my late husband and his ex-wife during their marriage, to their children (my step-children).

If it's relevant, I have a good relationship with my step-children, hence my dilemma.

His view was that they have already been provided for under the terms of his ex-wife's will and that everything we have was built up subsequent to his divorce settlement and should thus go to our children.

Opinions please...

Socajam

Did he point this out to your stepchildren?
How old are your children and is your husband their biological father?
Also if they were already compensated through their mother's will, I don't see why they should receive twice.
But then someone could say that they were only given 50% from one of parent's estate.
Are they looking for anything from their father's estate?
Do you have step grandchildren - if so, how about giving them something from their grandfather's estate.

nomdeplume59

Thank you very much indeed for your rapid reply:

He never mentioned it to them so, no, he didn't point it out.

Our children are in their 30s and he is their biological father.

As far as I know, they are not looking for anything. However, I want to do the right thing by everyone, hence my question.

One grandchild aged 20, in America. Good point, though this leaves out the younger offspring with no children.

jackieblack

I don’t understand what you are asking exactly...

Are you thinking a) that maybe you should make a gift from your late husband’s estate to his first two children now?
Or b) whether you should change your will to include your stepchildren?
Or c) something else.

If a), my opinion is that your late husband’s estate was his to leave to whoever he chose, and he chose to leave it to you. If you now wish to make a gift to any/all of his 4 children you should do so. In my opinion if you do this you should gift each of the 4 children equally. If you don’t wish to make a gift to any/all of his 4 children then you should not feel obligated to do so.

If b) then, in my opinion, it depends on whether you choose to gift each child now. If you choose to gift all 4 children equally now, then the bulk of your estate could ‘fairly’ be left to your own 2 children. If not, then I would leave a bequest to the stepchildren, equal to 1/4 of the legacy I received from their father. Of course this assumes that you do not anticipate needing to spend the money you inherited from your late husband for your own living/care needs (or anything else) in the meantime.

If c), I have no clue

Personally, I think this scenario should have been discussed before making your mirror wills, but that’s a moot point now.

Grumpygit

If you have spare cash - why not buy them a memento of your husband ie a watch for a few £'000 each and explain that this is what he wanted as his current estate was going to your children together as they had already benefited from their mothers passing which had included their (husband and ex wife's) joint assets up to divorce


Whilst a little bit of a white lie it may just smooth over any expectations that they may have.


And (to be blunt), if they have a problem with this then it's their problem not yours and if they decide to distance themselves away from you then you still have your children. (sorry if that sounds crappy but hopefully you know what I mean)


Also, maybe include in your will a letter/note which explains why your estate is going to your children and not his.


Of course, you may feel differently - do you know how much they inherited from their mother when she passed? if not a lot, but your joint estate now is a considerable sum, they may feel aggrieved when you pass on.


It may be that you're worrying over nothing and that they are mature and sensible people who understand and have no expectations

SevenOfNine

You both intended to leave everything to the surviving spouse & you were both happy with this. You have inherited exactly in accordance with his wishes.

Your stepchildren don't seem to be fazed by not being included in their father's will. It doesn't seem as if they had any expectation of that now or in the future through your will.

Personally, I would leave everything to your 2 shared children. As you say, his other offspring inherited from their mother, (& this was clearly your husband's view as well), some of which they are probably aware was built up when she was married to their father.

Don't overthink this or you'll just go round in circles. I would ask your stepchildren if there is something personal of their fathers that they'd like (if you can part with anything), & leave it at that.

There is no reason for anyone to be discussing, nor you justifying, whatever you choose to put in your own will now. Don't look for resentment or expectation from your stepchildren where there isn't any.

My condolences on your loss.

xylophone

Why not simply leave a modest bequest in your will to each of your stepchildren with the bulk of your estate to your children?

unholyangel

You say your will currently leaves everything to your two children, so as you had mirror wills, did your husbands will state the same or did it provide for all of his children?

If the will didn't make provision to indicate his intentions, did you never discuss what would happen on the survivor passing? Or if both passed at the same time (for example a car accident)?

Morally unless your husband expressed a wish to the contrary, I'd try and find a fair split. It may be difficult if your needs use a lot of the potential estate as it would become a question of should that reduce your husbands estate, yours or both? Or if its just the house, you could be more general and give 12.5% to each of the stepkids and 37.5% to each of the own kids - so they effectively get a equal share of their fathers.

While the exwife may have left hers to the two kids, it could be more complicated imo. Typically the wife retains the house in exchange for giving up claims on the husbands pension. If this was the case then that estate was entirely hers.

POPPYOSCAR

If it were me and there was sufficient cash to allow it, I would give each child an equal amount now as a bequest from their father.

Failing that as you have a good relationship with them I would leave your step-children a small bequest in your will with the bulk of the estate going to your own children.

nomdeplume59

Very many thanks, all. You've given me a lot to think about.

onwards&upwards

The money is yours for now, don’t give anything away, you might need it.

I would definitely change your will to a 4 way split though.

I’d be very surprised if your husband had wanted his 2 older children to be cut out and receive nothing. Do you think there’s any possibility that’s what he would want you to do?